what happens when after you get engaged, the relationship changes. She is not the same person you fell in love

Answer 1

It is time to apprise the situation before you get married and end up divorced.

Answer 2

Engagements are meant to be the time that the couple plans their wedding. It is the final moments of really getting to know each other. It's a time when a couple lets their guard down and becomes very intimate with each other. When that happens and it's not the same person that you were dating, then it is a red flag and you should take note. Lots of people put on an act until they become comfortable in the relationship. I am not saying that this is right, I am just telling you that it happens. You see, they can not keep the act up forever at some point they have to go back to being who ever they really are. It's a hard lesson to learn but be happy it happened now and not after the marriage. It happened to me after I married him. The marriage only lasted 10 months because I really didn't fall in love with the real man. When he went back to being himself, I was so hurt and felt so betrayed that I lost the man that I fell in love with that I just couldn't stay married to him. He never did get it. He never understood why I had to divorce him. A few years later I met my husband who never changed on me in 27 years. Your inner voice is telling you to beware and you must listen to it. It's a lot easier to break up an engagement than it is to divorce.

Answer 3

Everyone has brought up great answers to your question about this relationship changing after engagement. Each reply to this question hits on a very specific issue: 1) are you scared or getting cold feet? 2) is the "chase" over for you and has it now become boring? 3) Is it her or is it you or is it both of you? 4) Is the relationship rocky because the masks have come off and have revealed someone you don't know or even revealed yourself as a bad match for this person? 5) Would short-term counseling help you identify the REAL issues (many of us get too invested to figure this out w/out help)?

Do you have the kind of relationship where you can sit down and HONESTLY talk about it and communicate effectively so that you resolve this, and yet both get needs met and have a win-win? Analyze this and find out with great honesty and in more of an "observer-mode" rather than an "invested-mode" :how has it changed/why/when? If the partner-communication is not developed to be able to calmly deal with this then a marriage will be quite impossible. We're not looking for perfection, but in relationships we look for the components of humility and being teachable and willingness to communicate to help EACH partner work through issues. Humor helps too!! Here's what to avoid in any argument/disagreement: avoidance, defensiveness, criticicism or contempt. Any or more ot those will derail a relationship and head it towards divorce according to Dr. John Gottman.

Answer 4

Obviously I don't know the entire situation; however maybe you should take a step back and see what has changed. Is it truly her or the entire relationship?
There is a thing called the "honeymoon" period; it is both for new marriages and dating. When you start a new relationship with someone, you both are on your best behaviors no matter if something happens you don't like. As time passes you get more comfortable with each other and you stop being afraid of offending the other person (thus the passing gas without saying excuse me).
It could also be that you are getting freaked out a little and are looking for a way "out". Take a deep breath and give it some time.
If she truly has changed and the things she is doing is driving you insane; talk to her. If you want her to be your wife someday; you guys are going to have to communicate with each other. If she gets mad at you for trying to fix something that is bothering you; perhaps getting married is not such a great idea.
Either way you guys need to communicate and try to work things out. Relationships need work; it requires compromise, love and understanding from both members. If this marriage is something you both want and trying to work things out on your own are not working; try getting some profession pre-marriage counseling.
Good Luck and God Bless You

Answer 5

Well if she isn't the person you fell in love with while engaged. Imagine what she would act like when you all are married. If she changed this early in the game. Don't let it get to the point you wouldn't know who she is. I am going thur a similar situation and I have been married for 5 years and my husband took a turn for the wore st and i don't know who he is. You think you know a person but at the end you don't really know that person is a stranger when you first met that person. Good luck.

Answer 6

If there is a radical change then you have to figure out and make a list of what those changes are exactly. You need to see if you yourself have changed also, and if these changes are externally driven (Job stress, a move, family issues) and if you can make some sort of plan to make things better.
The most important thing here is communication. Talk with your partner regarding what is happening, how it makes you feel, get to the root of the problem and try to work things out. It's better to delay a wedding then to end up in divorce court.

Answer 7

like that guy before me said---be thankful it happened before you dug the ditch...it's getting comfortable, yes, but it's also opening both lives to all the hidden stress the other really has...before marriage---it's all, oh I have this great boyfriend, I'm so in love, yeah that's because your not sharing each other's 'down time' and now you are---alllll the time, what you'll realize is that you're both human---and that isn't always a pleasant thing! lol

alright, now think about that for a minute---doesn't this look like the never-ending cycle of marriage and committment? honestly....this could happen with WHOEVER YOU ARE WITH OR THINKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED TO---remember why you love her and make it work over time!!!!!!

Answer 8

Go to marriage counseling. It takes two, so I'm sure there are things that you are doing too. Don't just get a divorce, work it out. Too many marriages are ruined since people are too lazy to work on it. Make the first effort and she'll follow.

Answer 9

Be grateful that you found out before you were married. Sit down and have a talk and ask her what went wrong. Alot of people don't show their real selves until after they are married. That is what happened to me with my first marriage. I will always regret being married to a real jerk.

Answer 10

Wow, this usually happens after we say, "I Do."
It's called comfort.
When the person gets comfortable with you, then you get their true self. It may not be who you thought after all.
Seek counseling now, before the wedding. The US divorce rate is already way too high.

Answer 11

First of all happy you finally opened your eyes .At first when you do fall in love everything is different because its all lovey dovey then when time goes by people start to notice things they didn't notice before or didn't want to open their eyes or people want to change them in to something they are not ,but glad it happened before marriage .Don't change who u are.