I am 18 years old and my boyfriend is 21. We have been dating for 2 and half years off and on. He is now a Marine. He asked me if I wanted to marry him and i said yes because I love him. He keeps saying that he wants to marry me or he is not geting married at all. Well he wants to get married in the next few days by the judy and have a wedding later because with him being in the Marines he gets more money and we were going to save up that money to pay for own wedding and for an apartment for me in CA while we go to school. I don't know what to do. I love him but i don't know if i want to get married right now. I know that I want to marry him in the futher and if we do this now it will be a good thing because we will have more money for the futher but I don't know. Help me!
2007-01-20 05:30:00 · 35 answers · asked by Pixy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
now or later it dosent really matter, dont count on money...
2007-01-20 05:33:15 · answer #1 · answered by troble # one? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am married to someone in the Navy. Not the same branch- but still military and it works the same.
First- its a BIG commitment. If you are on the fence about it then dont do it. Your first answer without question should be YES. If not then maybe he's not the one.
If you choose to get married in the next few days then you have signed on to be his support system. You need to move where ever he is and be there for him- and he may at any given notice be deployed for some ungodly amount of time. Yes, he will get housing money, and a little more money for being married. And that will help. You will have free medical and not free but cheap dental. Those are pluses in todays high cost insurance days. People knock the military but the benefits are great. Not too many jobs pay for your housing, utilities and insurance without it comming out of your pocket. Also, you get the commissary and exchange benefits. So, with all of that you dont have to worry so much about the small stuff and you can put your attention to school like you mentioned. I say go for it- but if you are hesitant then that is a sign you arnt ready.
2007-01-20 05:40:26 · answer #2 · answered by jeweledfruit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got married at age 20 and I was in the Air Force. He was also in the Air Force. I have to say that for me, I didn't even know who I was really, or what I wanted out of life. Needless to say, I am no longer married to him, it only lasted two years. Now I'm a lawyer in the Air Force (I'm now 35). The divorce rate in the military is very high because it is a very difficult life, being away from your husband every time he has to deploy somewhere. Sometimes it works out, but most times it does not.
I have to say that given my own life experience and also my experience as a military lawyer where I advise people all the time on how to get divorced, that you should definitely WAIT. It is NOT WORTH IT for the money! The extra money he would get for getting married is because he would have to support you, and really it is not that much extra.
My advice is that you should go to school, get your education, and if he really loves you and wants to spend his life with you, then he will wait for you until you are both ready. You will both be better off if you get your college education done before you get married. Your financial options will be soooo much better then, too, once you get your degree.
You are going to be a totally different person 5 years from now. Don't sell yourself short. This is your life and your future!!! If you have any doubts at all - I think waiting is the right decision.
Good luck!!
2007-01-20 05:59:18 · answer #3 · answered by ala pb&j sandwiches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think that 18 is too young to get married. But if you are happy and 100% positive about this, 100% sure that this is the right thing, then go for it.
A couple of friends I graduated with were both 18 when they got married. This was back in 1998. He is a Marine. They are still married and have three kids. They are completely happy and in love with eachother.
So, as I said... make sure this is what YOU want. Explain to him any concerns you may have. If he really loves you... he WILL wait. If he don't... then find someone better.
2007-01-20 05:51:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are too young to get married. You can have a beautiful relationship with your boy friend for many years to come... A marriage brings along a lot of problems and that is why I say you are too young to deal with that. And also you don't need someone to tell you what to do. If you feel that you are not ready (although you love him very much), then don't get married. You should tell him how you feel, without being afraid that if you say "not now" the relationship will be over.
2007-01-20 05:44:10 · answer #5 · answered by damaris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AHHHH! I've been there. I was talked into rushing a marriage when I was just 18 because my boyfriend was going into the Navy. I was never happy with my decision and ultimately got divorced after having two children. As far as him saything that he's not going to get married at all if he can't have you is a manipulation tactic. Why would he be trying to manipulate you into marriage? You're not ready and you have the right to say no. Repeat after me"I'M NOT READY AND I'M NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED UNTILL I FEEL THAT I AM READY! It's almost like you're telling my story so I'm gunna tell you now that the manipulation only gets worse and ultimately ends up with isolation (at best). It could turn even worse. you may not see it now, but you're being played and that ain't love.
2007-01-20 05:40:36 · answer #6 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorta going through what you're going through; though its not marriage. Do what you think is right, even though you love him and want to marry him doesn't mean mentally ur ready. You're 18 there is so much out there for you before you want to settle down. He's a Marine, he has something great going for him too. You can't let the love you two share to get in the way of your independence to do what you want with your life. If he loves you he'll wait for you. Talk to him. Communication is key.Good Luck!
2007-01-20 05:35:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
BY ALL MEANS NO, NO, NO! Do not get married! YOu are too young and things change! I got married as a very mature 17 year old and have regretted it ever since. I hate to try to explain how much you will change in the next few years, but believe me, YOU WILL CHANGE! Give yourself time to grow, time to learn more about life and time to experience things. Don't be tied to any one person at your age! My sons are 33, 31 and 28 and only one of them is married (the 31 year old). I am happy that they have had time to go out and enjoy life and travel and do what they want without worrying about pleasing one person in their life. They are now ready to settle down and find the special person and are able to support whomever they chose to be with and have all their silliness over with. Take time . . . . you'll not regret it!
2007-01-20 05:42:40 · answer #8 · answered by annie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st-If you don't have kids continue to use protection.
2nd- If you do have kids think about if getting married is in THEIR best interest.
3rd- personally, I think if you are asking if you should get married- that is an indication that you are not ready- and why should you be, you are only 18 years old. Now, I am 23 and not that much older but believe me between 18 and 23 a lot goes on in your life and marrige should not be one of them. If he loves you he will wait. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years- I met him when I was 18. After 2 years- we knew that we were it- we were not going to be with other people because we decided that we will get married one day- we were both in college when we met, and I let him know that there would be now way that I would marry him while I was in school.
Go to college. Make a name for yourself. Trust me- the Marines are not going to be able to take care of the both of you for long. You need to be able to take care of yourself first, love your self first- then take care of someone else and love someone else. I am going to marry my fiance but, I want him to depend on me like I depend on him, I have a degree and so does he- if anything goes wrong (hopefully it doesn't because this is not a perfect world- lets face it) I will be able to take care of myself.
Wait. You can love him and wait, he can love you and wait. You still have a lot to learn. Don't sell yourself short.
2007-01-20 05:56:11 · answer #9 · answered by pinkbooger 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think you already know the answer to this, but in my opinion you shouldn't. Money is the number one reason for divorce and if that is one of the key reasons you are getting married in the first place then you are starting your relationship out on the wrong foot. If its really meant to be with the two of you, he'll wait for you to be 100% sure about it. You should never start something this major in your life with doubts.
2007-01-20 05:44:23 · answer #10 · answered by Brittany I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!
You are having doubts, please, please give it time.
So what if you two will have more money if you get married now. Do you know how costly a divorce is?
Also, do some research on the divorce rates for people whom get married before age 25. I believe the divorce rate is around 75%. This has a lot to do with how much people change between the ages of 18-25. Give it time, maybe in the future it will become the right thing but for now, your heart seems to be telling you to wait.
2007-01-20 05:36:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋