My husband was married before and had 3 kids with her.Now we have a son of out own,BUT the thing is;he favors the oldest 3,and pushes the youngest son and I to the side! Is this fair to our youngest son? And when it comes to the oldest 3 they get their way NO matter what.........he sticks up for them;rather it's wrong or right! Am I wrong for wanting to know this?,I've asked hubby....but all he will tell me is;"is none of my business!"How can he say that when they are my step kids and I've been around for them more than their own mother has for the past 9 years! Unlike their own mother I have NEVER through them out of my house!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-20 05:18:08 · 12 answers · asked by bambi 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He's definitely not being a good father. I realize he's your husband, but obviously you feel the same way. Parents aren't supposed to favor one child over the other. He should love them all the same, including you in that love. Pushing the young one AND you to the side isn't doing him any good. When the youngest one grows up and moves out, he's not going to want to have a thing to do with his father (due to the favoring).
2007-01-20 13:04:24 · answer #1 · answered by Abby 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very unfortunate:
1) Is it fair? You describe a very unfair situation.
2) You are not wrong in wanting to figure out if and why your husband is favoring one child over another - when the family dynamic affects your own son, it is absolutely your business.
3) In terms of having a role in the lives of step-children, this can be a very sensitive situation. I like to think of child-rearing as not being a case of who is right or wrong, but rather making good decisions for the children.
A good strategy for you may be to think in terms of problem solving. In other words don't concern yourself with who is right or wrong, but rather what decision satisfies the needs of all the children. You have to know that not every decision will directly favor your son, but the long view is that decisions that favor the overall family will also favor your son.
Yours is a tough spot... and it will require constructive input from your husband. Family counseling is probably a good idea.
Good Luck
2007-01-20 13:34:21 · answer #2 · answered by i_tunes_junkie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he feels that the other 3 need him more to be on their side since they don't have a good mother apparently. He is trying to compensate for them not having both birth parents there.
Unfortunately this favoritism is doing them no favors. They will grow up dependent and spoiled and have no idea how to behave in social situations when they do not get their way. It will also affect your youngest by making him feel inadequate and resentful.
My suggestion is that you all see a counselor together as a family and also separately. No good will come out of his behavior towards his children. And if he refuses to listen to reason, then therapy is your best bet. If he will not go, at least you can attend and perhaps take the children. Anything is better than nothing. Good luck honey.
2007-01-20 13:27:23 · answer #3 · answered by evilcharm1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to be rude, but your grammar sucks. But anyway, this is a tough problem. I personally want to make sure I don't marry someone with baggage like that. But now that you are, and have a child with this man, the best thing to do probably IS to let him deal with his own kids his way. If it simply annoys you, that's something you're going to have to just deal with personally, because technically you're husband is right, it isn't any of your business, unless the kids are causing harm to your household personally. If you're worried about his kids safety and you think he's giving them wrong advice, the best thing you can probably do is to try guiding the kids yourself. You can give them good advice without it being too obvious. But you can't force their father to be a certain way with them. He might feel guilty for some reason and favors the first 3 because of that. I wouldn't try forcing him to show his 4th child the same type of attention. Forcing rarely works and isn't sincere anyway. I think instead of being jealous, you need to focus on raising your son. In time, his father will probably have more of a relationship with him. As long as he's supporting him, and isn't being abusive to the point where he could be arrested, I wouldn't complain too much about anything else. It would be worse if he left and his son had to be raised without a father.
I wish you well.
2007-01-20 13:35:46 · answer #4 · answered by willowrose24 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your husband is trying to make up for what the oldest kids don't have. That is both parents together. You, of course, show more feeling toward your own child so your hubby pays more attention to his older ones to try to compensate for that. Raising step children is a very hard job. Good luck.
2007-01-20 13:25:20 · answer #5 · answered by prarierosebud 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't believe that he would say that. It's not fair for him to push the littlest one away. It might be a age thing and he feels more comfortable with playing with older children. As far as your guys relationship I can tell you're not happy. I think that the two of you should be working together. Not treating you like an outsider, unless that's what he wants.
2007-01-20 13:24:04 · answer #6 · answered by Tasha 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a husband and father of 2 kids...I have took in my in-laws kids a few times over the yrs or my nephew for a bit...and they love me to death because I treat them like my own kids...Your husband needs to treat them all the same..2nd it is your business
because the child you have together is not being treated right and plus it's your home to and you live there also...he needs to grow up and be a proper father to the little one to..or that child will grow resenting him..plus if you have took care of those kids that long...you are like their mom...so you have a say in it....if your cooking...cleaning and doing things for them to..
2007-01-20 13:28:15 · answer #7 · answered by hononegah1988 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Someone (you) needs to take a real, hard look at her relationship...what kind of man treats his wife (and step-child) like that? That someone (you) might want to ask herself a few hard questions about the type of relationship she's willing to settle for in the next however many years... it doesn't sound like fun. I would suggest counseling, but I doubt your spouse would even go for it. So unless you're planning on leaving him, just grin and bear it, and give extra love to your own child. good luck..
2007-01-20 13:27:22 · answer #8 · answered by wolfticket2003 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he wants you don't have nothing to do with his their children he is in his right. But not when they are in your house: if you have some rules, they need to follow those, while they are in your house. And how he act with your child IT IS your business.
And never permit him leave you and the baby to the side.
2007-01-20 13:27:07 · answer #9 · answered by *Baby* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him treat your son and yourself like that. Stand up for the ones you love.
2007-01-20 13:24:37 · answer #10 · answered by cna_angel06 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋