need better advice HELP!!!?

Question

ok, i may not have been clear first time through, so let me reitterate my statement. a good friend of mine is in an abusive relationship, physical, and mental. she wont leave on teh assumption he can change, he loves her, blah blah blah. the cops wont do anything, since she wont talk to anyone but me, her other friends turn a blind eye to the marks on her...there is nothing else to do, i'm at my wits end, and no i wont abandon her i wont stand for abuse, so anyone who says "leave her be" not an option. god, anyone who wants to say "just pray" no thank you, god wants to turn ablind eye to somthign as horrible as hittign a woman **** him. i need seriosu advice on how to jar her out of it. im to the point where ive given thought to breaking his legs, or taking her out of that apartment myself...web sites, personal advice, ideas, anything would be appreciated.

yes this is an ex gf, and i do stil have feelings for her, but thats beside the point, all i want is for her to be safe, not wiht some jackass treats her liek dirt.

Answer 1

Hey there. I hope that this will help a little mentally. First of all, I am a female who has been through the same crap your friend is going through. Quite a few times at that. It is a mental thing. Maybe she does love him but she is blind by what he's doing. It's easy for the jerk to apologize everytime he abuses her because he knows she'll say "okay" and deal with the good times for the moment "hoping" that it won't happen again. Your friend is not stupid, just blind and hopeful. The dude will NEVER change. It is ONLY her choice to make to leave the idiot. Something about him she just cannot let go or maybe she is afraid of being alone, or she is holding on to all the good things about him. SHE has to leave on her own. It is good that you are standing by her side through all of this because you do care. I know that violence is not the answer to everything, but if you ever do get the chance to get your hands on the guy, BEAT his *** like he's never been beat before. It does not mean he will stop, but his *** will sure know what the **** it feels like to be hit. He's a punk straight up to hit a woman and maybe a MAN needs to show him what it's like. It is not God who is turning away from your friend. When people talk about praying for someone, yes they are asking for God's help but that has to come from with inside of your female friend. That is just a belief. I do not go to church but I do believe in God and the things we go through are on us. If God saved everyone from everything then nothing bad would be happening! SHE has to really want to leave this dude alone. God is will-power and your friend needs alot of that because I know that it is hard. Alot of people might call her stupid, but that is because they are ignorant and lack the knowledge and compasion about what many women go through with men like this. I just know how it feels. There are too many women, even men that put up with crap from relationships because they have faith that things will work out. "MAYBE" if you just keep on her about what could happen and how much better she is than that, eventually it WILL sink in and get her to really thinking about her situation. Sorry if I couldn't be of more help but I wanted to respond with something about your friend and what was said about God. Take care!

Answer 2

You are trying to fight her demons! its just not going to work
People all over the world are doing the same thing as you and they are highly educated on dealing with abuse.
If you want actuall ideas of things you can do then I will give you them but they just wont give you the results you are looking for because she will just go back untill she has hit rock bottom and gets herself out of there.
Pick her up and drive her to the local woman shelter and make her leave the car, tell her that you will not leave untill she gets in the door, physicaly move her towards the door ( dont get to close though because they have guards and you will get in an altercation with them doing this)
Set up an intervetion, these work in the short run because you basicaly guilt them into doing what you want them to do.
You could also catch him in the act, if you see it then you are an eye witness and its harder for the police to just let it go.
Force yourself into her life, be with her 24/7 this will not give the BF the chance to get at her, he will however probably go after you, then you could charge him.

Thoughts are just thoughts, actions dont always lead to the result that we want.
Good luck.

Answer 3

You can make a report to the authorities and they will respond. If there are marks on her they will jail him. She wont leave because he most likely has made her feel unwanted to the point of thinking he is the only one that will have her when she doesent know how many good options are out there. Get rid of him legally and she can go thru her psychological changes and be with a good man.

Answer 4

My good,man u are in a serious problem.I had never been in that kind of situation in any way,but u made me thinking.The fact is that the same way he needs a serious help of a doctor,she needs too,and more than him.She needs to be put away from him,and to go to some psychiatrist.U wont get anything if u hurt him,couse she will stand on his side and might get mad at u,and that will push her more deep to him.Try to persuade her to go and see a psychiatrist,couse u must acept that she is sick in some mental way,and that it needs patience.And dont ever leave her

Answer 5

Beleive it or not, YOU cannot do anything to make HER leave, arrest, or whatever else you think she should do. It's got to be her decision. I can already tell you wont like this answer but, there is only one other thing you can do, and that would be, to appeal to him. Only he can stop hitting her and stop the abuse if she won't leave him. Take him aside and remind him of the consequences of his actions. his arrest, her unhappiness, if he loves her the way she thinks he does he would want her happy, and worst of all her death, if things go way out of hand. If all else fails kick his *** and see how he likes it. Good Luck

Answer 6

You need to tell her if she continues down that road, she will end up dead. Most women in her situation find it difficult to leave for many reasons. If you could find a lady at the woman's shelter for her to hear some success stories. I would bet the crap out of that guy and make her leave before it escalates. Good luck!!!

Answer 7

What you fail to realize is your limitied options.

You CANNOT make someone perceive your perceptions. You CANNOT make a person do what they don't want to. You can lead a horse to water, but you CANNOT make it drink. You can lead a person to college but you CANNOT make them study. Do you follow my meaning? You have TWO options, throw your hands up in defeat and walk away or deal with it. If you choose to deal with it, then don't complain about her actions. It is her choice....period. As you've indicated, her other friends have walked away. There is no point in trying to help someone who doesn't want help. And listening to the same cries on a daily basis is not what others want to hear. Everyone has their limit. Perhaps you haven't reached yours just yet.

As for physical harm to the asshole, I cannot blame your feelings, for I would love to do the same. Unfortunately, the law doesn't see it that way. Most likely, making this attempt will only end up with you in jail instead of the idiot who really should be there. Unless you have mafia connection, forget about physical harm to the moron.

Back to the bottom line, it's her life. If she fails to see the danger signs of this moron, then there is nothing you can do to make her understand. She is obviously very insecure and believes his words of love instead of his actions. He is a controlling insecure SOB who doesn't deserve to breathe. But we don't get to decide that, the law does. The only way out is for her to WANT out. You can only sit and watch or walk away in disgust. Remember the simple quote..."Either **** or get off the pot." When she's had enough, she'll quit or end up dead. It's not what you want to read, but it's a reality called life. Learn to accept it.

Answer 8

Call your local woman's shelter and ask for advice. Have her talk to someone who went through the same thing.. the same feelings and thoughts.. She is not going to listen to you because you have never been in a relationship in which violence was involved. I admire you for sticking by your friend. It's not to late to get her the help she needs. Good luck.

Answer 9

She should call the cops and have him arrested. If you are then when he abuses her, call them your self and stay with her until the cops take him out. She should just get out of there herself. But, they say love is blind.

Answer 10

I too had a friend and for 6 years she said she would leave....i helped her leave him which cost me thousands of pounds ( moved to a different town)
2 weeks later she went back to him and he tried to kill her kid.
She is still with him now.
I have nothing to do with this girl now......she made her choice when she went back to him.