Will this help me with my confidence or knock me down further?

Question

I want to get out of my shyness... I have been trying for years but still seem to be shy... anyway my idea is that I buy clothes that are are really outstanding... i.e. bright colours..etc. and dye my hair... Not so I look like a clown but just so that, on the outside I look like a really outgoing person.....

if I do this will people treat me like an outgoing person and therefore help me become so? or will I just feel paraniod that people are staring at me?

obviously you don't know exactly what i'd be thinking so try and imagine yourself in that position and see how you would react? or imagine if you saw someone dressed so 'brightly'.. would you approach them?

Plus what advice would you give me to work out of my shyness?
Thanks :)

Answer 1

You evidently don't sound too happy with what you are doing and how the outer you is not a reflection of your inner self. Bright colours e.g. bright red can be aggressive and might be off-putting to some.
See a well-qualified counsellor or therapist who will help you to 'work through the layers' and find the real you. There may be a reason why you are so shy although you may not be aware of the cause.

Answer 2

Clothing can make you look unapproachable by going over what is considered normal. So be carefull, people do stereotype. There real illusion here, is that clothing will give other people the COURAGE to speak up to you. It's you that has to overcome the fear of initionalizing the conversation, of overcoming that same fear. ( A rational thought here, If you can't find the courage to speak up for yourself, how hard do you think it would be to give others the courage to do the same?) That's what all this is about. You're trying to put the responsibility on the other people. Shyness sucks, been there, done that.
The hardest thing, is to start with an opening hello. But it's also the easiest. Hi, how are you works well. I noticed your_______. Shoes, clothes, hair, whatever and go from there. I like them. where did you______?
When you do this, KNOW that you are the wonderful person that you are, that you have a lot to offer, that your smart and fun and all the other things that you are and believe in them. Why wouldn't some one not want to know you?
There are people that will respond well. Also people that won't. Most likely because they are less social than you and they don't know what to say. So you can help them along with more questions. NEVER take a negative response as your "fault", it's not. Move on if you must.
Believe in yourself and others will too. Just say hi!

Answer 3

Dunno if I'd do the clothes idea - if you can't wear them with confidence you might end up feeling more conspicuous. Not sure if shy types would want to approach you either - would they be intimidated?

My recommendation would be to take on a small task each day, starting with making the effort to say hello or begin a conversation with anyone - shopkeepers, colleagues at work, neighbours,?people on train ( except the dodgy looking ones!); join a group in some capacity in an area that interests you - night classes,sports,hobbies etc.

Should have said that before this you look in the mirror and tell yourself you are strong and you can do anything you want, and when you do these things tell yourself you are making progress and well done.

It's hard to get out of the shell if you are shy but once you do it you will feel a terrific freedom - good luck!

Answer 4

Changing your out ward clothes will not affect the person you are inside, it might affect peoples opinion of you who don't really know you , but not for long . Some of the crueler ones (which means the insecure ones) might even hamper your efforts by commenting on what your wearing in malicious ways, which could force you into shyness even more.

Starting work, like the other girl said, forces you out of it a bit, as you meet new people from all walks of life. But work more on your inner confidence, as curing shyness is not something you do, but involves changing who you are. Which is difficult and takes time.

So my advice is first accept the fact you are shy, its no big deal, there are 1000s like you. Know in your heart your an interesting person with a voice that others want to hear and be around. (just try to think of the people who really love you and what it is they love about you)
And never think that people are staring at you, most people are so caught up in their own inner paranoia that they don't even think for 2 seconds about how others are feeling.

Good luck, and always be true to yourself

Answer 5

I think that sounds like a good idea. First off you came up with it so obviously feel some desire to try it rather than feel you are being forced to and I always feel drawn to people who were bright colours and fun looking outfits.
You will have to pluck up the courage to wear them because i often but on an outfit that i have fun putting on in the house because it makes me feel slightly more bold and free but then think, oh i can't wear this im not confident enough. But wearing nice and bright outfits defintly can make you feel more comfortable with your appearance and if you can tame the 'omg i look silly' 'oh i hate this people are looking at me' 'oh this is too bold' thoughts and change them round to 'oo :) people are looking at me' and 'i love this outfit, it's fun and happy and so me' 'people will respect me for having the confidence to wear what i want' then im sure you will have a lot of fun.

Start gradually though, maybe adding a bright scarf, or a new lipstick ,or a coloured eye shadow ( make up depeneding on how old you are if you start wearing to young its really not good for your skin ) , then maybe some bright shoes, then start adding brighter jackets. You don't have to have the whole outfit bright but maybe just a couple of items, less is more and they will still stand out.

You probably dont need to dye your hair because its changing something about you then when maybe you should be accepting parts aswell. Just do differnt styles with it and add some nice accerioes.

And remember, it's what you think about yourself that counts, and most people are too wrapped up in their own insecurites to notice yours lol! And if anyone is ever nasty to you and your not quite sure why, its probably envy! Don't take it out on yourself.

Answer 6

Hi I have been in your position and it doesnt work. You will just think everyone is talking about your clothes and that you still dont look good. If you are going to do it then do it gradually not all at once. Start to wear a colourful item of clothing bit by bit. Like a different colour each day that makes you feel good about your self. Dont over do it as you will only feel insurcur. Dont change anything about your self if you sdont want to. If you feel that it will make you come alive more and feel better do ot for this reason not for other people to judge you on how you look.
I used to try this and wear stuff different but then i would always you can gurantee always i would get someone asking me why i was weariing certain things or telling me it doesnt look good or throwing digs. I dont want this to happen to you as it just make beiing shy alot worse.
I dont know what your reason to do all this would before. Are you trying to meet a guy, new friends or just try and boost enough confidence to talk more to people when they talk to you.
If your trying to get over shyness and not paranoia, why dont once a day you try and talk to someone you dont know, like a shop keeper in a store or a person in a shop. No one is going to tell you to get lost or ignore you. This is how i got over my shyness as i found that talking to a stranger and finding out you canmake a new friend by just strating a converation like' Hello, then talk about the wheather and then go onto other subjects. you will then feel great. So you dont need to change your image. As you dont sound happy doing so,.

Answer 7

First up, being shy doesn't have to be a bad thing. I personally like shyness a lot. Sure as hell beats all that pompous arrogance that's going around these days.
That said, I think if you're really shy and perhaps insecure, diving in like you're proposing may work, but I'm afraid it's possibly too much to take at once.
My suggestion is to take it slow, do one "outgoing" change a day or so and see how that works out for you. I think that people will probably just frown and think you want attention if you suddenly appear at work or school all radically different from what you normally look like.

Let me know how it works out for you. Curious to know. :)

Answer 8

The best way to get over your shyness id by giving yourself small challenges, think of something you always wanted to say to someone close to you but never, work out what it is you want to say and how to word it, then actually ask, you may be a bit embarrassed but by taking it in small steps you will eventually overcome the worst of your shyness. By making yourself look outgoing will not make your affliction any less if you don't start to force yourself to talk to people or groups of people, but build up your confidence slowly, Rome was not built in a day

Answer 9

It might sound like a cliche, but confidence comes from within. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in- if you go to a fairly popular shop, you know you won't be to dowdy. If bright clothes aren't your personality, don't wear them. Imagine who you would be if you weren't so shy, and then do be that person. If the real you wants to wear paisley pattern leggings, then that is what you should do. If you put on a disguise, people won't know how to take you- you could end up feeling more confused. Good luck anyway, just remember to be happy in yourself.

Answer 10

Your confidence isn't what I'm concern with, though your idea it doesn't seam stupid or crazy, it doesn't may me feel for you. I'm a man, and an Older man, though I steal try to see the girl been delicate, I'm also very shy, though I know and I have without bragging about my self plenty to tell about good time. I'm afraid that you are doing this just to please another looser?, and not because of you, personally I will say, been shy isn't at all a bad thing, if you think that bullies aren't shy at all, but they just live in complete denials, and out way from their own basic needs. I will not try to tell you what to do, although I will say, if you which to change your Image, or Improve your personality, do it because is something good to do and accomplish for your self, you have enough time a head of you, to grow and grow healthy and beautiful within your own shyness?, don't Chane for others nor to impress others change because you want or you fell like to do it.