because he doesn't want to get married. My christian beliefs are very strong on not carrying on a relationship if there is no hope of the man marring you. He still says he loves me he called me after the break up because he wanted to take me out, after I had broke up with him. I wonder does he get how painful that would be to me. I called him 4 months after the break up to let him no I'm okay. He was happy I called and told me he was still single, wanted to buy me something for xmas but was afraid I would refuse his call again, before we hung up I told him I still love him he said he loves me to and for me to keep in touch. Help this is sooooooo hard.
2007-01-20 02:30:50 · 13 answers · asked by simple 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This actually happened to my sister in law some years back. Her boyfriend was a dedicated Atheist and refused to marry in the Catholic church. My sister in law, while not a strong Catholic herself, comes from a large and close Mexican family and her parents are very strong in their Catholic beliefs. It would have wounded them terribly if she had not "sanctified her marriage before God."
He simply would not budge on the matter and in the end he left her because of it. She was really broken up because she loved him at the time and we in the family, all liked the guy, it was sad.
In the end, a few years later my sister in law met and married an old boyfriend from her university days, who is a biologist like her. He has lived and worked outside of Mexico for years like her and they share so many interests. They have two wonderfull daughters and are completely happy together.
Her ex-boyfriend has been married and divorced three times all to girls who thought just like him, he lives alone now and is a sad and lonely person.
If this guy doesn't want to marry you despite your feelings, then I'm sorry to say, he loves himself WAY, WAY more than he loves YOU! Nothing good can come of that kind of relationship! You need to make a clean break with this guy and go find that "biology professor" like my sister in law did.
I think you are "infatuated" more than "in love." Love is a two-way street, we make sacrifices for love, we struggle to make those we love comfortable and happy. This guy is completely unwilling to make even the smallest effort in that direction. I think that the only thing you two share is that you are both in love with HIM!
2007-01-20 03:01:22 · answer #1 · answered by Bob Dole Jr. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just answered another question about marriage a minute ago. Allow e to copy/paste.
Since people are selfish by nature, people look for their own needs to be met, and depending on whether those needs are complimentary of each other, or not, they can be married.
This is complicated by whether either partner is willing to sacrifice or not to meet their partners needs when they change, and whether they are willing to adapt their needs as the situation arises. Add to that the fact that some people are co-dependent, and willing to sacrifice all needs for companionship, and you've got quite the volatile mixture.
In short, people in marriage are constantly vying to get what they want out of it, and if BOTH are willing to give to get even when it seems like they aren't getting anything in return (an extreme rarity as far as I know) then it has the potential to work.
If he knows this and isn't ready, he's saving you both more trouble (a terrible divorce when you decide you never loved him in the future because you pressured him into something he wasn't ready for, and now you want out ) in the future.
2007-01-20 10:58:18 · answer #2 · answered by Travis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a question you should be asking "him" not us... several factors are at play here... age? income? to name a couple. Sounds to me like a genuine fella, So keep the lines open and have a frank and open discussion with him. If he can't commit to "forever" and you can't compromise your beliefs... then ultimately, you two should move on... It takes far more than LOVE to make a relationship work... it's compromise, communication, honesty, and a whole heap of maturity, it's not about being wrong... it's about accepting your mates perspective even though it doesn't match your own... It's admirable that you have such a strong morality, should a relationship really be based on a "my way or the highway" mentality? are you looking for am equal partner? or someone that's just going to stand behind you with his "Yes dear..your right dear" at the ready?
2007-01-20 10:46:40 · answer #3 · answered by alex b 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if it is so hard to be apart, why let the marriage thing keep u away from him, marriage is not all that. maybe in time he will change his mind, but he does not share the same beliefs as u do maybe do to a past hurt, or broken heart. being married means nothing, won't insure anything, what really counts is how the people feeel about each other.
2007-01-20 10:54:50 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been with him? A lot of folks are afraid, even terrified of marriage. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If he is still thinking of you and you of him, there's something to say about your relationship. Just don't pressure him about marriage. That kind of pressure is too much for a lot of guys. Try to ease back into the relationship with him by going out a few times. If you are going to base your relationships on a guarantee of marriage, you are going to have problems with all of them.
2007-01-20 10:51:57 · answer #5 · answered by eee_aww 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys still love each other....then, why are you apart? There is no time schedule for these things, it takes some people longer to decide if they want to be married or not. Maybe you jumped the gun alittle to early! Talk to the man! Good Luck!
just my 2 cents
2007-01-20 10:41:54 · answer #6 · answered by Ŗεŋεε 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didnt know that christianity forbids relationships that arent strictly headed for marriae.
If you do not fornicate, I see no problem with a loving relationship that expresses God love, between the two individuals-- marriage or no marrigae, God loves LOVE, and if thats what you twop have, by all means, GIVE IT!!!!
2007-01-20 11:41:14 · answer #7 · answered by Yentl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He loves you, he just doesn't want to be legally married to you.
Either you can accept him as a loving partner who's not legally married to you, or you can let that get in the way of you being with the man who loves you.
The choice is yours!
2007-01-20 10:49:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he's an idiot. If he really truly loved you he would be with you PERIOD! I've been in this situation before and I suggest to cut the comunication off and move on because if you keep comunicating you will just ride a roller coaster! Your better off without him trust me, you deserve better.
2007-01-20 13:29:02 · answer #9 · answered by KDB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple,
Because some people don't want to be attached to someone through the commitment of marriage. It doesn't mean they don't love you they just don't want to be married. That simple!
2007-01-20 11:05:48 · answer #10 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋