Why the double standard?

Question

I would like to know why most men think that they should be allowed anything but will give nothing in return. Mine, for example, likes to sleep til noon on Fri, Sat & Sun. Those are the three days that he is off work. He also likes to sit on his behind all freaking day on his days off. To his credit, he will get up and do something if I ask, or bug out on him for sitting on his butt. But he is the first to complain when his laundry isn't done, or if I didn't get to the dishes because of the thousand other things that I had to do that day.

I would like to know why woman are expected to carry such a heavy burden, with no help, when men wouldn't expect such things from themselves.

I worked outside the home for the first 4 years of your relationship. He was the stay at home dad, and I still had these issues. I have talked my butt off about my feeling on this too him and it makes no difference. I am a stay at home mom, but I have plenty of income from savings, so I pay my own way. I top him in the income so I will not listen to anyone telling me it is my job to go to school, homeschool a disabled child, attend to all 3 of my other kids, cook clean, and take complete care of a man who is acting like a child. That is just background info.

Answer 1

Think about it - wouldn't YOU like to kick back and do nothing all weekend if you could? That's why he does that!

However, he is being a lazy slob if he makes you do everything and he does nothing.

Here's a suggestion - don't nag him, men hate that and eventually he'll start "tuning you out" (ignoring you while pretending to listen) or doing passive-agressive stuff like deliberatly sabotaging stuff you ask him to do so you'll never ask him to do those chores again.

Instead, you should have a duty roster - certain tasks are to be done by you, certain tasks are to be done by him.

And if he doesn't do his tasks YOU DON'T GO BEHIND HIM AND DO THEM FOR HIM!

I'm serious about that!

If laundry is his job, and he doesn't do it, don't run behind him and wash the clothes! Instead, leave the laundry undone - when he doesn't have any clean clothes to wear to work, it's his own fault!

If his task is cleaning the dishes, and he doesn't do the dishes, just let them pile up until there are no clean dishes in the house - again, he'll get the hint and do the job himself with no nagging from you (it'll feel like it's HIS idea, not YOURS - remember, men hate listening to orders from women!)

Also, let him do his chores his way - don't give him any adivce unless he asks for it!! He might not do the chores the way you would, but he's a different person, so of course he's going to do the job differently (plus he's a guy - he grew up having his mommy and his sisters do his chores for him, so he doesn't have the years of housework experience that you have!!)

Again, let him do his chores his way, and if he doesn't do them, he'll suffer the consequences!!!

Good luck!!!

Answer 2

I think you need to explain him the priorities and tell him in advance the work he needs to do a day before. Since you have allowed him so much of liberty he is acting in such a way. Even though you may not be working you have all the right to ask him to help you in the house hold work. You need to speak to him politely at the right time. Give him incentives in getting up earlier and you know how best it can be. Show him how to put dirty linen in the washing machine and how to operate it. Teach him the basics.

Answer 3

i don't know why men think that they think just cuz they work and bring home the bacon that means they don't have to participate in raising the children or playing with them and just being a dad.They think they don't have to do any chores cuz thats our job.Well it sucks but the only way you will get his attention is to not ever wash his clothes again and when he flips just say whatever and walk off like you could care less,and don't feel guilty because he has to go to work,you have i think you said three kids thats a full time job with no breaks at all so don't feel guilty.Do little things to get his attention and let him no u are not going to put up with his behavior anymore,if that doesn't work leave for a week and maybe he will come around then....You have to do whatever it takes to change it or you will be miserable and the kids will be unhappy and wonder why their parents don't like each other....

Answer 4

Because you allow him to treat you like that. If he runs out of clean cloths & complains; Tell him he knows where the washing machine is & if he dont know how to use it show him. If he sits on his butt all day do the samething. You have to teach them how to help or else they never do.
As long as you let him treat you like your the maid he will keep doing it until you get some back bone and stop him.
Yes it is easier to say it than to do it. But you can do it a little at a time.
For example ask him nice to come and help with the dishes so that you can get them done faster. Then make sure you thank him and give him a hug & kiss. Make sure you tell him how much time he saved you. Soon he will just help with out you asking.

Answer 5

Boy can I relate to you. I have asked the same questions over and over. Then I sugested that I not work and I would be more than happy to do everything. The responce that I got was. "this day and age the woman has to work in order to get by" Well if I have to work then you will do your share around the house. well...you know how that story goes. I don't know why they don't realize that times have changed for us we have to work then times have changed for them they need to do housework. I was never for that womens lib thing but I am suffering the results of it.

Answer 6

I hope I dont come across as offensive but... its not 'womEn' that carry such a heavy burden, its the 'womAn' that chooses to carry burdens. Think about how much your will to do as a woman and stick too it. You should have an equal partnership and if he's not willing to give you that, then he doesn't deserve you.

Answer 7

Mine is just the opposite. I seem to be the one where I do the dishes when I get home, I feed the kids, while my wife, most of the time, vegetates on the couch and complains why I don't do much.
For those who say men are pigs, DON"T GET MARRIED. Stay single, this way you can control everything just the way you want.

Answer 8

For a starters, I wouldn't say most men are like this. I know mine isn't thank God. You shouldn't have the burden of doing everything in your home, he if any kind of a partner would want to help and share with you the responsibilities of your home.
I personally couldn't be bothered constantly nagging someone to get them to do something in our home.
Buy yourself a cattle prod.

Answer 9

good morning,

you should understand first off that most people take kindness from others for granted. you should tell him that you would like it if he would return your kindness by helping do things outside of his job. i think if you ask it would be easier than telling him and don't give up he is a routine and if you want him to start another routine than you have to work it in to him.

one thing though i didn't see where you said you had a job or paid the bills so if he is the one doing that than you should disregard what i said. if you are working than i hope i helped.

Answer 10

Does he travel a distance to work when he does work? Does he work long hours? Did you mutually agree that he would be the one that works outside the home and you would take care of the home?

Women usually are expected to carry a heavier burden if they've agreed to not work outside the home and tend to what needs to be tended to at home..it's fair, trust me. This is the arrangement my husband and I made.