conflicting feelings on alcohol-what to do(serious answers only plz)?

Question

I have been extremely religious for my entire life and my religion (as well as myself) strongly against alcohol & drugs. so, i met & fell in love with a guy who drank. he stopped right away & was sober for almost two years. he began to drink again after we were married for a year- not all the time, but a few whenever im out. at first he would deny when i could clearly smell it. he would then get pissed that i wouldnt kiss him or intamate because he stank so bad. later he would tell me he did drink (total duahh) & would promis he wouldnt do it again bc he saw how heartbroken i was. well, he did it again & denied until i pulled out a breathalizer that i secretely bought. i tested him & then he came clean saying he was depressed bc we live in his moms basement with 2 ciblings. i tell him get a real full time job &he will agree or complain he doesnt want a dead end job bla. tonight however, it was bc he was bored. im sick of this scenerio & divorce seems to pop in my head as a solution.

we met on a blind date to prom (i knew his sis and my bf and i broke up right before). I fell in love instantly and it was like we knew eachoter forever. everyone kept asking how long have we been together and such and were suprised that we just met. i didnt knew he drank until the day after we became a couple (1 wk later). he had just moved from maryland, and handnt really drank bc he had no drinking buddies. i loved him from the very start and the trust factor didnt really start to fall apart until a few moths ago. we have been married for well over a year. yes, its true i did lower my standards a bit, but he really raised his too. he went with me to church (was raised in it until his parents divorced) and claimed to beleive in the same things too. he would tell me how things would be like- married in the temple, kids raised in church, basically happily ever after. his bro who got him to drink in the first place introduced him to several guys who drank, ran from cops, stole, etc...

i have gone to counciling, and tried to get him too, but its always to no avail. its like we are happy and all lovey dovey and eveything is fine, than BANG! "Oh steph im drunk off my *** bc i was bored. yeah, well you shouldnt have left me alone to go to your sisters birthday party so its your fault. oh yeah, and i chose drinking over going to the jym like i told you i did so now you cant trust me. btw im hungry and have the muchies, can you make me a sandwhich, love you baby. ill be in our room watching tv." i mean WHF? he may be older by a year, but he shouldnt treat me like that! i love him so much but NO woman should ever have to be forced to live with inlaws and have no income. i want a job, but i have been advised not to until he gets one. i have a license in aesthetics and real estate. i think divorce is a last option that shouldnt be used unless something like your life is at stake. i love him so much, but his drinking makes him LIE and it is breaking me, yet i love him so much

Answer 1

First of all , who the f@ck are you to tell a grown adult that they can't drink. Because you have some crazy brainwashed ideas in your screwed up head.

On the other hand if he does not want to get a full time real job and take care of his family.Divorce the loser.

Answer 2

Bravo Stickie! Your right, divorce tends to pop up in our minds easily now-a-days. However, I think that you have done the right thing in confronting him with this drinking problem. Just a thought though, why not put down guidelines for this job search? Everytime that he is not working he must spend at least 6 hours in full search mode! This is essential to finding a good job! The old adage you must spend as much time looking for a job as you would working at a job rings true here! If he was unemployed I would expect 8-10 hours of hardcore searching! Since he has a flunky job I think it would be best to take it a bit easier. I also (people will disagree with me on this one) would hint at a separation if these guidelines are not met every day! Now for a big time bomb! YOU need to get out and get a good job too. Not so much for the family, but for two reasons. 1) You must show that YOU can get a good job, this will put his manhood on the line.and 2) If it comes time to actually separate (not divorce) then you will need a decent income! Guys don't mature when they are living with Mommy! Never happens! Time for a little shock therapy!

Answer 3

I am very religious. I believe that drinking in moderation is not a sin. However, it seems like your husband is drinking heavily and not wanting to work. I would draw a line....either he gets help and changes completely or divorce him. Some people can't drink in moderation..those are the ones who need to stay away from it all together. My dad was an alcoholic who died in Sept. at the age of 56. You don't want a life with one even if they are a great person otherwise.

Answer 4

You have several isuues with your marriage right now.You don't have a marriage right now and you don't even realize it and i am going to tell you why.Your husband has lied and denied to you about his drinking.So clearly there is no honesty in your marriage that is problem #1.You don't trust your husband and you even went as far as to buy a breathalizer.TRUST is everything in a relationship/marriage without TRUST you have NOTHING.The fact that your husband does not have a job is another serious issue,why is he not supporting you as a family.Why are you living in his mom's basement why is he not acting like a man and why are you allowing him to behave this way.If you do not trust your husband you might as well get a divorce because you are simply wasting your time by staying with a man that decieves you and clearly disrepects you.You deserve better and you know it.Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Falling in love with your husband was your first mistake when you met him. YOU knew in the beginning that he drank. You are the one that lowered your standards. A red flag should have went up when you first knew he drank and ran from him. You should never be in a relationship in the hopes of changing someone.
Now you are living in a basement with 2 siblings? What is wrong with you???

Your husband has issues. If all he is doing is drinking. He needs help. Who cares if you have a dead end job??? Find away to better yourself and get a better job. Take night classes. We are in situations because we put ourselves in them. If your husband wants to better his life it is up to him to do it. No fairy is going to come down and magically take away his problems and make him a CEO of a big company.

It sounds like he has some deep rooted emotional problems.

1. He needs to get a job and keep it.
2. He needs to get help for his alcohol problem.
It sounds like drinking is away for him to deal with his problems. Alcohol is a depressant and only makes you more depressed.

I myself grew up in church too. Alcohol is ok if you do it in moderation. If you drink on occasion and can be responsible, then it is ok. But if it changes your behavior in a negative way you shouldn't drink. I am a happy person when I drink. Others like to fight and tear up things, and beat on people. If he is like that, he needs to stay away from alcohol.

My current boyfriend drinks every day. He drinks like 3 beers and stops. He doesn't get so drunk he can't do other things. I think it is a relaxing thing for him. So, it depends on how your boyfriend acts when he does it.

Good luck!!!

Answer 6

One of the fundamental writings in historical past for a Christian is Foxe's Book of Martyrs. In it, you're going to discover the errors made through the ones professing to be Christian, and in addition the truth that there were worse instances than our possess where to be a Christian. You will be taught approximately religion, in that it could take torture, it may be referred to as religion and be an urighteous act ( the Roman Catholic Inquisitions referred to as the persecution of Protestants and others an 'automobile de fe', an act of religion). Like all historical past, this can be a threat to be taught from the errors of the beyond. It is a threat to look why the Founding Fathers of America sought to maintain faith and executive as aside as feasible. Having as little to do with one one other as feasible. So studying historical past will exhibit you what to not do, and with a bit of luck deliver you an expertise that plenty of persons right here shouldn't have a clue of.

Answer 7

Divorce probably IS the solution. You don't say anywhere in here that you have any feelings at all for this guy..... I think marriage is admiration, respect passion, and trust...... four biggies....none are here, sweetie. You're religious, he isn't. He drinks, you don't like that, there ain't no passion, and you do not admire, respect nor do you trust him. Nuttin' here to save, sweetie..... End the pain, accept the fact that both of you made a mistake, and get on with your life.... this one is a no brainer......

Answer 8

The drinking is not the biggest problem living in his parents basement is what i would be pissed about.I would tell him if he doesn't get a full time job and get you a place to live you will end this because you shouldn't have to live like that.

Answer 9

first dont give up so fast,,,,he got to help him self first, drinking is hard to stop,,,but stand up an let him know it going to be you an yall kids are you gone,sometime when we learn we going to lose something we love dearly we get right,,,,i know for i was the same way as him, but i glad to say i chose my wife and kids over drinking,

Answer 10

Talk about total duh! If is not willing to get a real job and support you as is his responsibility and he continues to drink then you should leave. Thing will get worse before they get better. Either get him into couples counseling or get out.