A wife saves herself until marriage. Her husband doesnot appreciate or respect her virtue. disrepects it with vulgarity. (she didnot know he is like that-was sort of arranged marriage so they had not talked abt sex).
Wife is regretting abt giving herself to this man. She wishes she wud have given herself to a better person (in marriage) who wud have appreciated her virtue. Feels married a horrible human being.
What to do with the immense regret abt giving her self and abt something that can't be undone?
Some will say get over it. But she can't.
2007-01-20 00:34:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BTW, she did not know he was into alot of sex before marriage. He never admitted to it. Talked little abt sex but he pretended and never used vulgar language to her before marriage. what a deceiving guy.
2007-01-20 00:41:38 · update #1
listen pal
u must be feeling really depressed by now .. thinking ur husband had ditched u ... but for him having moral like being virgin was never the priority u need to understand that ... for him even ur virginity is not important .... u have been feed on high moral contents but dear thats life .. and ofcourse arranged marriage is like ....
people act endlessly till they drop dead ... do u think all the people who has done a arranged marriage is happy like heaven ? .... no they are not at all happy ... it starts from the arranging things .. they lie abt family ,salary. habits and wat not ......
then once it done all the relatives leave u to fight ur war endlessly it is 100% luck that u shall be happy ....after marriage everyone become Oscar winning actors ... keep acting life long
all that u can do is to break this shackles with all ur might ...divorce and find someone who matches ur moral and ethics .. i know even this step might sound against ur moral but some compromise is good for ur life .....
if ur husband still betrays u then how can u share the bed with him ... and stay under same roof ....
all the best
bye
2007-01-20 03:24:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wife who saves herself viewed as virtuous. A wife who saves herself after marriage is viewed as frigid and not worthy of marriage.
That a wife would adopt an attitude that she regretted saving herself for her husband who did not deserve her virtue will result in nothing but confusion and pain for a long time.
I will readily admit that I do not understand arranged marriage but this is not unlike protecting virginity in our culture.
The virtue of a girl is not the virtue of a wife. For parents to focus on being chaste at the exclusion of sexual teaching does not serve women well. It is difficult at best to turn off years of being taught sexuality is wrong only to turn around after the wedding and say it is allright.
Perhaps the wife should reexamine her attitude of sexuality regarding her husband and determine if he is in fact a horrible person for disrepecting her virtue or just a married man who has the normal desires of one.
She is correct that this cannot be undone. Perhaps her mistaken attitude toward virtue and sexuality should be changed as well.
2007-01-20 09:06:54 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is about choices; there is always a choice.
If that bond of marriage can be broken without getting isolated by religious or civil parts of your world, then follow what leads to happiness.
If divorce will isolate you too much or to a point where your life will be worse; then wait for the right moment to leave.
When you say "sort of arranged marriage", then you are probably part of a society where this is "normal"; so the question could be; what do others in your society do in a similar case?
I believe the world is large enough for each of us to pursue our own happiness despite what others would like to impose as controls.
Good luck.
2007-01-20 08:45:39 · answer #3 · answered by curly bob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she cant undo anything that happened but she can do something abt her future she is hurt by her hus's infidelity. we dont know how the husband is in arranged marriages or love marriages until after marriage. she may regretting such horrible person but she can take divorce if she likes n thinks she wants to b free of that person. if she cant she will b going into a depressive stateif the person does not appreciate n respect his wife then he is not a person or man. better think of talking to him n telling him how she feels n if still is the same then better to separate. there is no future in such bad marriage.
2007-01-20 09:32:23 · answer #4 · answered by ahsu254 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your problem? That your husband had sex before marriage and you wanted a virgin? Or that his behaviour with you is vulgar? In case of the former, it is quite common these days both among men and women. So don't make an issue out of it. While I commend your restraint in preserving your virginity till your marriage, fewer people attach any great value to this aspect. We live life once and we should enjoy ourselves to the fullest - that is the buzz word these days. If your husband is vulgar, talk to him, take him to a counsellor and if everything fails, divorce him.
2007-01-21 09:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by Modest 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant always save yourself for marriage. It sounds good at the time, but some men are good as pie until it is time and after the deed is done, they turn into asses. So I would talk to a counselor and see how it goes from there..
2007-01-20 08:44:28 · answer #6 · answered by countrydancer30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats why we really need to know the man we marry well, if u are unhappy leave him, he is who he is and won't change, too bad he deceived u and now u feel hurt that u gave yourself to a man like this. but it is never too late to make a fresh start, why do u feel u can't undo it, why do u have to stay?
2007-01-20 08:48:52 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need counselling on this issue, it looks you r too much tensed on the whole thing & it is affecting your daily life.
Don't be dejected ,there are ways to make life happy
write to me on hotchocredrose@yahoo.com & i'll surely help you with this problem
2007-01-21 02:59:13 · answer #8 · answered by hotchocredrose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just pleaded my case on marrying only for love, you never know what you are going to get if you do it any other way.
There is always divorce.
2007-01-20 11:53:32 · answer #9 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce. Hopefully there are no children involved. And next time, choose a better partner, one who loves you.
2007-01-20 08:40:10 · answer #10 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋