I have been here before
Restless waiting
Broken bruised
My soul escapes
No boundaries
I slip through the night
Aimless wandering
The night is far spent
The day is at hand
The choice is made
I cant go back
Tick tock
Day and night
Oh, the spinning
Hands of time
Loosen the shekels
That tie me down
Free me from this burden now
I need to reach for something real
My soul is numb I need to feel
2007-01-19 21:52:51 · 8 answers · asked by Cindy 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
i think it is a very good poem. the need to feel alive... to be troubled by an inner emptiness... the need to make choices... these are all emotions i can relate to myself...
2007-01-19 22:39:45 · answer #1 · answered by Analyst 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I thought it was good.
I didn't like the tick tock in there. It didn't seem to add anything and it didn't flow with the rest of the poem.
at the end I would probably take out the "now" and the "for"
I would also put the last line into two separate lines, (after numb go down and right I need to feel)
I am not much of a poet so my advice may not work but you could try it on for size. I really did like the poem!
2007-01-20 07:06:37 · answer #2 · answered by Sara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's unique dark style makes this poem very good!
Well done!
2007-01-20 06:01:56 · answer #3 · answered by core966 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your eighth grade English teacher must be so proud!
I bet you were a pleasure to teach!
2007-01-20 05:56:17 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can feel the lonliness and fear in your poem. I think it expresses well.
2007-01-20 05:59:14 · answer #5 · answered by michelle h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it jumps from one scene to the other, but i can feel the lonliness
2007-01-20 06:01:24 · answer #6 · answered by S()()I)#H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well edgar allen poe
almost black cat style
2007-01-20 06:05:04 · answer #7 · answered by cork 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it.
2007-01-20 12:40:51 · answer #8 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋