Everything was going fine apart from her being the most laziest house guest you've ever met. I spent the whole time picking up her rubbish that she seemed to think was fine just to throw on the floor. Also she was asking my hubby to run a heap of errands for her. On her last night at my house I tried to ignore how much she was making me angry, when she asked me to ask my hubby to take her car and go and put petrol in it. I then snapped and said "I think that is pushing the friendship too much" and she asked me to explain so I told her how much her 'habits' were annoying me. She then stormed out of my house and didn't come back for an hour. When she came back (around 7pm) she started packing up all of her stuff. I tried talking to her and she wouldn't speak to me. She went to bed and came out at 11pm to have a go at me.
I sorted it out with her and she seemed fine but now she's home she has been rude and blunt to me.
Should I bother making the effort with her anymore?
2007-01-19 19:57:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Even the best of friends have arguments and disagreements. It's okay that she's mad because maybe she will think about her behavior. True friends are able to be real with each other. Sometimes we can handle it and sometimes we can't. Just give her space. Send her an email telling her that even though you were upset with her you still love her and care about her. But keep your boundaries that you set up because you don't want to be walked all over again by her or anyone else. She will get over it, takes some time to heal our pride.
2007-01-19 20:09:26 · answer #1 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since she is your best friend and she is your guest, I think she just thought that since you two are close friends that she can make herself at home. Maybe that's why she just felt that it was okay to leave her things around. You are probably more than a friend, like a sister to her.
Before allowing her to stay with you for two weeks, you should have given her some rules of the house. Just like any other guest you would invite over. If she asked to runs errands, then it is obvious that your husband didn't have a problem with that, otherwise, he would have said something.
Were you really getting angry, or were you jealous?
If she then asked you to ask your husband to take her car to put petrol in it, it should have been handled differently. If her habits were annoying, then you should have known that before allowing her to stay and visit. It probably could have been handled in a nice way, like using the words like "I would appreciate it if you would please pick up your things so they won't get ruined on the floor. " ect..... Being polite about it even.
Of course she was upset for you telling her of her annoyance. And now that she is gone, she seems hurt still because of what you have said to her. She hasn't gotten over it. You two just had a fight, people make mistakes even in friendships. Don't let this one fight keep you from being best friends!
Remember, she was a guest, and she should have been treated like one. But, she should have respected your wishes too. (smile)
If you want to keep this friendship, then send her a card to apologize, I am sure she will apologize back!
2007-01-19 20:24:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whenever you invite someone you're close with into your home for an extended period of time, the boundaries between "Friendship" and "Guest" get muddled.
For example, when my best friend comes to stay with me, we have "alone time" where we just try not to be near each other. Its only an hour or two a day but it really helps us keep perspective! Otherwise we end up spending TOO much time with each other.
Your friend probably assumed that since you are both so close, she didn't have to play the "polite guest" role.
But you, since it was your house, felt like she was walking all over you.
Neither one of you was "Right" or "Wrong." Instead, you didn't really establish any rules up front. Instead you both assumed the other person knew things...when in fact they didn't!
I would call your friend. Explain to her that its sometimes hard for you to have company who may have different everyday habits than you. And you enjoyed having her stay with you and she's welcome back any time.
Here's the tricky part. When your friend comes back to stay, (try to make it a shorter trip this time) Have a very up front conversation about your expectations. "Sue, after you finish a Candy bar, could you please put the wrapper in the trash? We're worried about attracting bugs or that the cat might eat it and get sick."
NOW she knows the rules. NOW She'll knwo your expectations.
Don't forget to involve your friend in teh household chorse. "Can you help me with the dishes after dinner tonight? Its so nice having you around and I'd love to chat while I wash dishes and you dry them."
Make her feel like part of the family. She knows the rules, She has to help out, etc.
BUT don't forget that ultimately she doesn't live there, she doesn't owe you anything and you did invite her to stay with you. Yes, she should be considerate but... when you're best friends, often that line of "consideration" gets blurry!!
After all- this is your BEST FRIEND! You share all your secrets and gossip with this person... why would putting gas in their car be a big deal? They'd do it for you, right?
Well that's her logic, anyway!
Call her, invite her back to your house in the future. Keep the friendship. If you didn't care about her on some level, this wouldn't bother you so much.
2007-01-19 20:10:40 · answer #3 · answered by kerrisonr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a sticky situation. She probably doesn't realize what type of a person she is herself, so I doubt she "felt you" when you blasted her. You say you guys talked it out, so I'm assuming it came to a point where she said she didn't realize how much her actions bothered you and you said you shouldn't have came out with it the way you did, etc. My assesment is that she is still pissed about the way you came at her. It is obvious from the initial situation that she is somewhat self-absorbed, to say the least. She probably said she was cool with it, but she isn't and probably does not agree with you because she was your "guest" (more of that self-absorbedness). You can try with her if you really miss her, but most likely you will have to wait until she decides it wasn't such a big deal. Hopefully for her, you will still be there.
2007-01-19 20:10:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello there... Honestly, that "best friend" of your seems weird. I mean, you go to your friends house and stay there for a bit, and you are demanding outrageous demands like putting petrol in her car? Woah! I think she's gone way too far. Even more, you are letting her stay in your house without rent! If I were you, I wouldn't be able to tolerate this. Look, personally, don't bother with her anymore. If it's not for your sake, it's for your husband's. Tell her to get a life (Sorry about some of the things I said in there... No offense meant for the things I said.)
2007-01-19 20:05:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, oh no. She sounds like a spoiled brat to me and a user, too. Let's hope one day she grows up and realize how much she caused people trouble. Was she always like that?
2007-01-19 20:03:06 · answer #6 · answered by Speck Schnuck 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first of all you do the right thing, and no need to bother about that time will tell, unless she so stupid to admit her fault.
2007-01-19 20:03:52 · answer #7 · answered by lost my thing 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just dont bother...when a person like her comes and stays in her house and if she is in your position, dat time she will think of you and she will surely apologize...DONT WORRY!!!
if she is of good charecter den have her, if not leave her...
2007-01-19 20:12:10 · answer #8 · answered by ranju 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋