what would you do if your son or daughter said they were gay?

Question

My boyfriend and I were talken one day about when we have kids. ANd I asked what would you do if our kid said he or she was gay. HE said it wouldnt make any differance to him and he would love his kid no matter what. Which is sooo awesome he is soo careing. But I need to know if I am horrible for feeling this way. He then asked me the same question. I said I dont know. I would still love them no matter what but I would say to them "Baby I just need to think about this I dont mean to hurt you in any way I love you but I just need a couple days to think so I can understand." Bc I grew up in a house hold that said that its wrong. But I have nothing against gay people I have friends that are gay and I love them for who they are you know. I just would be flabergasted and Wouldnt want to say the wrong thing to hurt my childs feelings. Is that wrong to say I need a couple days to gather myself? Am I a horrible person? I would accept them. BUt I would just be surprised. some one help please.

Answer 1

I would support and love him just as much as I would if he were straight.

It's ok to know that you'd be surprised. Don't feel like you'd have to come to terms with it immediately. It takes a long long time for people to come out to their loved ones. The loved ones shouldn't be expected to adjust to this news in a split second. After all, like I said, it takes a lot of time and thought to be comfortable enough with oneself to come out... it's reasonable to assume that people receiving the news would also need a little time to adjust.

If you want to read up on this kind of thing, you could visit a P-FLAG site. That stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians And Gays. http://www.pflag.org/

http://www.pflag.org/For_Family___Friends.comingout_family.0.html

Answer 2

From my own experience, I think it's really easy for parents to blame themselves. If you've been exposed to the idea the being gay is wrong, it is normal to feel the need to blame yourself when you discover your child is gay. If you learn to become more open minded, you may realize being gay is not the end of the world and your child can still grow up and become a productive member of society. That is a normal concern.

It's ok to say you need to process this, it shows that you are human and you are taking you realtionship and your future seriously. I do hope that in a couple of days you will realize that your resposibility to children, gay or not, and as a good parent is to love them, accpet them, protect them and fight like hell for them.

BTW, it also sounds like your boyfriend is a keeper :-)

Answer 3

It's not wrong to need some time. By the time your child comes to you, he or she has already had YEARS (probably) to come to terms with this aspect of their life. It's only fair to give you a couple days, or weeks, or even months. PFLAG is a good resource made specially for parents in that situation, should it ever occur. They, and HRC, and several other resources I've seen (and any book worth having on coming out) all mention, targeted towards queer kids, that their parents will probably need this time. TOTALLY normal, and in no way wrong. You could argue the morality of telling your child taht you need the time (as opposed to white-lying or something), but needing the time in and of itself is pretty much expected.

Answer 4

First of all, do NOT feel bad for wanting to take a few days to understand. This does NOT mean you are homophobic. Many parents who love their kids regardless of the fact that they are gay still go through and "awkward stage" when their kids come out. You're also better than some people who throw their gay kids out on the street and tell them "Don't come back till you're good and straight!" parents still do that believe it or not.

Answer 5

i do not understand! it truly is an fantastically sturdy question. i do not imagine i have ever heard everyone do this, besides the undeniable fact that it would want to difficulty me if I did. I positive wish it truly is now to not get themselves a pat on the back! that would want to properly be undesirable--and on the youngster's cost, too. My youngest is a distinct race than some thing human beings, and many times we will get a raised eyebrow after we introduce our youthful babies. each so often, only to bypass off the question it truly is about to go back, we will ask our youngest the position she became born which she's continually very proud to respond to. She's completely nice with being followed, yet we do not opt for her to hearken to another man or woman we meet ask if she became followed. She's only one in all our 4 youthful babies, and that is how we opt for her to experience. i'm sorry that i haven't got a extra useful answer. i'd be questioning about this one....

Answer 6

I don't think it's wrong if you need a few days just to let is settle in. I have nothing against people that have that sexual preference... just when it comes to my child I hold her to certain standards and want certain things for her. Not to insult anyone.. it's just with your child you have expectations that you would not require of anyone else. I would still love her for sure and I would not hate her and certainly do all in my power to be open and make her and her chosen partner feel welcome in my home and happy around me. I would rather have my daughter under those conditions then no daughter at all.

Answer 7

Saying that would show honesty and concern for the child's feelings. It's not a bad response.

Answer 8

You might find that your feelings change when it really is a child that you have loved and raised for years....maybe their happiness will become more important .

Answer 9

i would try and be understanding,,,it is truly a reflection of the parents