I married a wonderful person 3 years ago that was disfellowshipped from her religion... After we married she was converted back to a JW and I am from a baptist family..... Now she attends "Meetings" 3 times per week and a 4 hour knocking on doors and bible study inbeetwen.... I am ok with most of this but we are in a point in our life where we are ready for kids and she does not want to have kids because I will not allow them to go to her church until they are legal adults and can make their own decions... I have a wonderful wife and she is great until we bring in our religion and having kids.. It is causing me to fall for someone in my past that I have a special connection with and I feel really good being around... AM I a bad person???????? I have everything in my life that any man could ever want but I am not happy?????????????? I am in a point in my life where I am crying out for help because I have no one to speak about this.. Please someone help me give me some options!!!!!!!
2007-01-19 19:31:33 · 22 answers · asked by lostandconfused2099 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow everyone is so quick to respond thank you do much!!! Her entire family is JW's except one person.. I had spoke with him and he even told me to think about it really hard before we have kids.... I want her to come to my church SO BAD!!! I even told her if she will come to my church I will go to her "Meetings"!!!! She sas no way!! Oh god I love her but she will not meet me half way?????????????????????????????? I cant stand the idea of a leaving her because I feel Like the bad person for doing it.......... All I can say is if someone marries marry in the same faith it makes it so much better.............
2007-01-19 19:51:37 · update #1
This questioner seems to have already decided to end his marriage despite the fact that his wife gives no evidence of causing grounds for divorce. For that (and for his seeming intentions toward infidelity) the questioner must answer to his Creator, and perhaps re-examine his claim to be a Christian.
(Matthew 19:9) I [Jesus] say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the ground of fornication, and marries another commits adultery.
The matter of raising children in a religiously divided household is actually easier to resolve when the wife is one of Jehovah's Witnesses; the Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses continually reminds its adherents of the plain bible teaching that a Christian woman must be submissive to her husband (whether he is a believer or unbeliever, whether he is a Jehovah's Witness or not).
(1 Peter 3:1,2) You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, 2 because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect
(Romans 7:2) A married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is alive; but if her husband dies, she is discharged from the law of her husband.
(1 Corinthians 11:3) The head of a woman is the man [that is, her husband]
(Ephesians 5:22) Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord
How is the "problem" resolved? The Jehovah's Witness wife submits to any reasonable direction of the god-appointed family head: the husband.
While a Christian wife herself would never submit to a practice she knew to displease God, she would have to accept the husband's right as family head to make such decisions for his children; she would recognize that the relative "guilt" for any god-dishonoring practice would fall on the husband rather than on the minor child. The Witness wife would not herself attend services of another religion, but she would not prevent the family head from taking the children with him to such services.
The Scriptures plainly teach that as long as a minor child has at least ONE faithful Christian parent, that minor child has valid hope for salvation despite any and all failings of the unbelieving parent.
(1 Corinthians 7:14) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in relation to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in relation to the brother; otherwise, your children would really be unclean, but now they are holy.
Of course a godly parent would work incessantly to train her children to gain spiritual maturity so that the child could himself choose to one day (perhaps by his early teens) make it clear to the unbelieving parent that the child now intends to "obey God" when any human command seems to conflict the child's growing sense of his own responsibility to godly standards.
(Acts 5:29) We must obey God as ruler rather than men.
(Matthew 10:35-37) For [Jesus] came to cause division, with a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a young wife against her mother-in-law. Indeed, a man’s enemies will be persons of his own household. He that has greater affection for father or mother than for me is not worthy of me
It probably makes sense for husband and wife to learn more about the Scriptural underpinnings for each other's faith. It may be that they find fewer differences than they may initially have assumed. At the least, they can both work together to build faith in the bible and encourage their children to "Follow the Christ"!
2007-01-23 02:15:08 · answer #1 · answered by achtung_heiss 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
IT is true the Bible tells us to only "Marry in the Lord". This is part of the reason why. As far as religion goes what she does is her choice. She decided to return to Jehovah. I noticed you did not say you were baptist but that you are in a Baptist family. You need to think how important your faith is to you. The amount of time she spends in service is up to her. Anything she decides is her's to decide. You need to decide how you feel about this.
As to the possibility of leaving your Wife. This is your choice. I think it is sad that you chose to announce it on Y!A as anyone who knows your screen name would then know of your feelings. Look to the Bible. I do not know how Baptists view adultery and divorce but we Witnesses believe marraige is a commitment that can only truly be broken due to adultry. I am so sorry for the position you 2 are in.(of course if there was a health risk the person would be free to leave, just not free to pursue a new mate.)
BTW I do not know what the person saying as a Witness you have to abandon children if you do not marry the mother got that from. Yes to follow the Bible you are to abstain from sex unless it is between you and your marraige mate. Man to Woman. However I have known quite a few Witnesses who had children through earlier relationships and they maintained their relationships with their kids with out staying with the mother/father. People make mistakes. All it takes is slipping once and you could wind up a parent.
2007-01-20 16:02:34 · answer #2 · answered by Ish Var Lan Salinger 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard when it comes to religion! It is a huge part in a relationship and could cause problems and make you grow apart! I'm sure lots of whos right and wrong! It is something to consider is it something you can live with for the rest of your life that is a very harsh religion especially if she has family in the same religion they will influence her in a great way! maybe she will meet you half way and ease up and not be so strict. If not then maybe you have to give in and join her religion if you love her that much and can't see yourself without her. It wont work unless one of you give. good luck
2007-01-19 19:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by socalgal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I gotta tell ya I do not envy your position, I am married and I have a wonderful wife. It is kind of a pet peave of mine that people divorce so easily. And I find myself torn by your question. Going by experience I dated a jewish girl in high school and My position was that I would respect her faith and asked her to do the same for mine and that worked well for us. There were some issue's with her family though as we became more serious and I addressed that in the same manner. I do and will respect your religious beliefs and expect the same in return. Now my largest obstacle was her grandfather who thought that I should convert if I wanted to be with her. I told him that my faith was not a matter to be negotiated and that I would not. About two weeks latter he pulled me aside and told me that he was glad she was with me and that he respected my position. Unfortunately I do not know much about the Jehovah's witness but I can tell you that there are similarities between the religions. If you are going to end your marriage on the basis of religious differences then so be it. But If you decision is based on the desire to be with this other person then I would say think twice.
2007-01-19 20:07:33 · answer #4 · answered by SUPERSTAR X 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite all the nasty comments, your problem is not unique to any one religion. It is an issue faced by many in every religion, or lack thereof. Consider a Russian Jew marrying a Russian Orthodox?
It will become a center of contention, if and/or when you do have children.
As for the comments about what JWs deny their children, consider what all Christians deny their children by not following traditional Jewish beliefs? They have even more holidays than Christians. Perhaps Christians need to consider adopting Jewish beliefs so that their children are fully covered.
There is no clear solution. Christ did say that he came to divide, not combine. If you feel strongly about having children and not having them living under the strict Christian standards that JWs live by, than you may need to make a choice to place your needs and desires above that of your marriage. That is only human.
2007-01-19 23:20:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think if your really not happy and want kids you should leave her and now.I totally agree with you about the JW thing I wouldn't let my kids go to that either.I mean come on never let your kids have a birthday party?That is just unreal!Please don't cheat on your wife that isn't right.She would be more hurt if she knew you were cheating rather then you just up and left her.Belive me I know I am a women.Also she would have to understand where you are coming from.Having kids is a big part of ones life and JW is really a weired thing that isn't fair to children to have to go to meetings just because there parents do.Anything you do will not be easy but something needs to be done.Your not being fair to yourself or your wife.Do the right thing and either stop messing around with the other girl or tell your wife your not happy.As I see it that is the only 2 things you can do.Good Luck!
2007-01-19 19:49:55 · answer #6 · answered by amber 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
if you love her that's great but she wont bend due to her religion.and having kids will just end up hurting the kids due to fighting about forced religion.before you decide you need to do some research on her religion to see through her eyes where you stand with her.but I can tell you from personal experience my friend tried to convert me, at the time I was single with two kids.to be a jw i either had to marry my gf that i didnt love or disown my 2 children .needless to say I am not a jw. so look hard into this religion,it is better to quit while you are ahead than wait until its too late,you can always remarry and still have kids. if nothing else talk to your pastor and see what he says
2007-01-19 19:47:40 · answer #7 · answered by marfanman00000 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You've really a couple of different problems here.
Just to cut-to-the-chase.
1. Be a loving and supportive Baptist husband to your wife. Offer her guidance and direction as to the JW thingy (I'm Baptist too.)
2. Don't touch forbidden fruit. Run away as the Bible directs. Deal with this as any happy / "un-happy" married man should.
3. Kids?, That's up to you. But give it a few more years for this JW thingy to clear up.
BTW.. anybody can be tempted with an "old connection", but since "bad is what bad does", if you take then "next step" with the person, then that's "bad".
2007-01-19 19:35:09 · answer #8 · answered by MK6 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
In all honesty, as much as you may love her, it doesn't sound like it will work. Everyone has a freedom of religion. unfortunately yours and hers will never mix. As for the point of children, remember JW's do not celebrate Christmas and other holidays you may hold near and dear. I don't think your a bad person just a realist, in realizing that this marriage may not work.
Best of Luck
2007-01-19 19:43:16 · answer #9 · answered by fefe917 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow.... do you still love your wife?
Okay, you still love her. That's a good thing. I really liked what Mk6 said about "letting the JW thing clear up". That cracked me up. Like it's a bad case of acne or something. LOL. Anyhow, back to the problem at hand. I would say pray pray pray. When she's asleep put your hands on her and pray. Speak to this mountain about God in addition to speaking to God about this mountain. The bible says we shall have whatsoever we "sayeth". Speak words of victory to this mountain you're facing. Say what it is you want on a regular basis..... not to anyone in particular, just confess that this problem is being resolved in the name of Jesus!! Have faith in what our Lord and Savior can do. This mountain can be removed and IS being removed in the name of Jesus Christ!! Jesus came so that we could have victory. Call this victory yours and refuse to entertain any thoughts that suggest otherwise..........and let God work this miracle in your life. Good luck to you and many blessings sent your way.
2007-01-19 19:36:19 · answer #10 · answered by squealy68 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have got to get yourselves in to see a couples therapist. you need a neutral mediator to help each side understand the other's arguments, so that you can work towards a compromise agreement.
the only thing that cheating on her is going to do for you is start off your new relationship with a nasty divorce & a truckload of debt. if you want out due to irreconcilable religious differences, leave now before things get tangled up in an affair.
2007-01-19 19:37:53 · answer #11 · answered by koi_pond_girl 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋