I have recently separated from my husband. I have 3 children, a married 21 yr old, an 18 yr old and a 14 yr old. The youngest is in a very emotional state over this. I am deeply in love with another man but this is tearing me apart. Should I give up the love of my life and go back to my husband for the sake of my 14 yr old son? My husband has cheated on me and I don't trust him anymore, even though he wants me back and swears he will never do it again. It would only be for my son if I go back. What should I do? It will break my heart to lose my love.
2007-01-19 18:44:52 · 18 answers · asked by crazywoman88 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, don't go back to your cheating ex-husband. Kids don't ever make a marriage work. Get your 14 yr. old some counseling and don't give up your love, your child will get over this in time. Just don't go back to your husband and don't have the love of your life around all the time, give your son time to get through this road detour in his life and ease him into the thought of mom and dad never getting back together. When he gets older he'll understand why you had to leave. My son is 7 and has come to this realization after 3 years of being without his father everyday. His dad still takes him every other weekend, but he remembers why i had to leave when i did! May God bless all of you and I will keep you in my prayers. It'll all work out!
2007-01-19 18:53:49 · answer #1 · answered by lil' miss 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It appears that the stress has been put into your hands., but at the same time you hold a great deal of power as well. Your 14 yr old will always hold you totally responsible if this doesn't happen the way she or he wants it to, and one reasons it may be that your estrange husband using the 14 year old to gain what he wants. But in fairness to him I will not judge him because I don't him personally or you including the 14 year old.
Explain to the 14 year old the reason of the separation and if he or she doesn't accept it and only sees reconciliation with you and your child's dad? It's time for you together your entire family and discuss this matter deeply (depict the smirk smile that may be on your husband's face)
Reconcile your relationship with your husband in the presence of the 14 year old, but be sure that your younger child understands that this the last test of this marriage and your child must agree in the event your husband should cause another separation by cheating, your obligation will be according to do what it is written in the Holy Bible.
The sad issue if your husband should cheat again the 14 year old may cause a certain resentment against his or her dad. Do not under any circumstances allow any of your children to hate their father. In essence you must return to your husband, and keep an open communication with your with childred regarding this issue.
The new man that has enter into your life. The one you love, my heart goes deeply out for him, but it would be better in his interest to witness and be part of reuniting a family. You may look at your husband more unnerving, but there were a time in which he meant so much to you. Try to recreate that first love you once had for him.
...and most of all ask God for his guidance.
God Bless and Good luck
2007-01-19 19:53:00 · answer #2 · answered by tony 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since u don't trust ur ex go w/ ur heart!!!! B w/ the man that has ur heart!! As 4 ur 14 yr old talk 2 him & let him know what his father did & y u r leaving! Let him know u will always love him but u no longer love or trust his father!! Get ur 14 yr old in to counseling!! If u went abck not only would u b happy ur son would not be happy nor would ur love!! Ur ex would b happy until he cheated again!! Go one w/ ur live & ur love & just try 2 b there 4 ur 14 yr old!! After some counseling he should b fine!! It's not healthy 2 b in a bad relationship w/o love & trust!! Good Luck!!!!
2007-01-19 19:07:28 · answer #3 · answered by Missy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and the new guy are THAT serious and you're still married??? Becoming partners with a fool will bring just as much unpleasantness into your life as being partners with a cheater. Mark my words... Use your brain and some self-control. Easy and convenient will ALWAYS bring you pain. Maybe it's time to stand on your own two feet for awhile.
Your first RESPONSIBILITY is really to your kids. Look at what's happening to this society based on "modern values". You CANNOT afford a "bad period" in this kids life / education AT ANY COST!!! You brought a child into the world and doing anything besides EVERYTHING you can do to to ensure that child's success is a copout and immoral. The "he'll get over it" cr@p is exactly that. Doing what "feels good" and ignoring responsibility is exactly what's destroying people, families and this country. It's a lie and a trap.
I know this seems harsh when you've been hurt by immorality and irresponsibility. But, it's the absolute truth. Sometimes when people are hurt by others acting immorally... they tend to try and replace what was unfairly taken from them... at too high a cost. Sometimes we have to suffer the losses other people's weaknesses bring on us... and be the strong ones.
The kids must do well at any cost. Everything else comes after. Watch old "Gilmore Girls" episodes for inspiration... LOL
Good Luck!!!
2007-01-19 18:56:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well, you just said that you don't want to lose your love. So it actually sounds like your mind is made up. You have to understand as mothers we want everything to be right for our children but this is a world that doesn't halt to anyone. Roll with the punhes. You have to do what makes you happy. It is very natural for your son to act out this way. For 14 yrs he's always had. "daddy" but if daddy isn't doing right you can't have him around to set the example of what a man should be. He'll always be his dad,yes and you''ll always be his mom, You have to ask the question, "do u want your son to grow up and have respect for you and other women or grow up with the examples his father is setting. Do what is best,don't rush to fast with trying to get your new love to a comfort stage with your children. It doesn't have to be bluntly in their face.Your new love should understand. If you are asking the question now confused about who u should choose I think that is definately a reason to take things slow as far as moving the news in too soon. Your husband made a huge mistake but marriage is a commitement. If u feel u love this guy then date him and let your husband know It s sort of like his punshiment instead your being openly honest. I'm just afraid if u decide to take your husband back how would your children feel about you and your dating experience. A man will always be a man and a woman will be everything but that. So although they may know about daddys ran dey vue u don't want to justify what your doing through what he did. In the end i believe they'll all learn to respect you in whichever decesion you make. good luck and pray about it. The answers you already posses
2007-01-19 19:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is natural for a kid to feel that way. He is in a difficult age and now with all that stuff going on in the family it is really hard.
I understand that you don't want to go back to your husband and your son should respect that choice. However, you should respect his feelings too.
First of all, "the love of my life" are big words. Make sure that man will live up to them.
And second, give your kid some time. He would feel threatened by that strange unknown person in his already frustrated life. Don't do much with that man in front of the kid, give him time to get used to seeing the man around.
Third, try and get help from your other children. See if they can calm him down. Don't forget to talk to your son and show him every day that you love him. Poor kid is probably afraid of loosing the one parent he has left to that insolent stranger.
2007-01-19 18:54:54 · answer #6 · answered by raya_smartgirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa. in the beginning, top has not something to do with age. An eleven 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous is nowhere close to the actual or emotional adulthood of a 14 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous. maximum male eleven 3 hundred and sixty 5 days olds have not reached puberty yet. this might properly be a project that would desire to for sure be perceived as sexual abuse, no count number how lots the eleven 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous might look consenting. In a word, specific, that's undesirable. and you may desire to get as a techniques faraway from this project as conceivable earlier you finally end up with a juvenile intercourse criminal label you heavily isn't waiting to be rid of.
2016-10-07 10:41:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe in staying together and working through things, but there is one thing that i don't agree with and that is staying in a marriage for a child .If you are unhappy, all you are doing is teaching your child is that marriage is not about love, no matter how bad your marriage is,you have to be unhappy and unloved. that is what you are giving off. If you both choose to work it out and go to conculing, then you will teach your child that you love each other that much to fix your relationship and that marriage is something you have to work at. You stay for you, talk with your 14 year old, and explain your feelings and waht you are doing isnt to hurt him and that you will love him the same and dad needs to do the same, whatever you do. I wish you lots of luck
2007-01-20 08:14:29 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someday your 14 year old will be gone and married with a life of his own. Where does that leave you? With a cheating bastard husband. I say, do what makes you happy but handle the 14 year old with delicacy.......take things slow with him and the new guy. Good Luck to you and may you have all the peace in the world.
2007-01-19 18:51:49 · answer #9 · answered by squealy68 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you're not happy, you're son is not going to be happy. Maybe send your son to counseling for this. Kids are resilient. He has to learn to deal with the bad that comes with life as well as the good. He must know that not all marriages work out. Spend time alone with him and let him know its not his fault, but that you have to have a life also and does he want you to finally be happy. He'll come around!
2007-01-19 19:20:38 · answer #10 · answered by marincaligirl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋