How do I make my husband understand?

Question

So today was yet another arguement. This time over the babys sleep schedule. My husband started third shift a couple of weeks ago, and since then I have been able to, not only, get our three mos. old to sleep in his crib, but I have him on a schedule, too. He's been sleeping every night from 11-7. Well, my husband got mad at me tonight because I was getting ready to lay him down and he wanted him to sleep with us. I can't make him understand that it's important for him to sleep in his crib, and safer, too. He just tells me I read too much and shouldn't worry about everything like I do.

Keep in mind, his six year old brother still sleeps with his parents...and he somehow sees no problem with it.. ?

Plus, when I tell him that it's a big deal that he not only sleeps in his crib at three months, but he also puts himself to sleep when put him down awake, he just rolls his eyes at me..like none of that is important to him.. I think it's a big accomplishment on my part to get my baby to put himself to sleep at three mos.. ?

Answer 1

I am in the exact same scenario.....I just ignore my hubby....when the baby sleeps with us, he is restless and I don't sleep well...my hubby understands that I am the one that gets up with him when he tosses and turns so he doesn't say anything....I'd let the baby sleep with hubby and you go somewhere else to sleep....after a few restless nights he might see things your way....

Answer 2

Shift work is hard. I couldn't do it nor would I want my husband doing it but sometimes sacrifices have to be made. Have you considered that maybe he misses his son and being part of the whole family unit? There's nothing more endearing or bonding like sleeping with your child. I'm not saying its the right thing to do, there are risks with co-sleeping, but it says that he loves his son, and being with you.

So although the message he's sending is a good one, I support your initiative to have baby sleeping in his own crib and building a schedule. Babies need the consistency of a schedule because predictability helps them feel secure, security helps them thrive emotionally and mentally.

At one point my husband didn't understand the importance of a schedule either because he didn't really utilize one in his own life. I went away briefly leaving him to care for our son. His view on schedules changed when our child responded best to routine, particularly where bedtime was concerned.

Remind your husband that there has to be some truth to things that have been researched and published by experts AND the proof is in the pudding: he's sleeping soundly through the night in his own bed...some parents would kill for such accomplishments. Just read some of the other mothers and fathers who can't get their kids to sleep in their own bed or through the night. He'll be thankful next time he wants some alone time if you know what I mean!

Answer 3

You are amazing!!! I have a 9-month-old that will only sleep alone if I put her down asleep! :) She wants to sleep with us all the time.

My husband just changed from the night shift to the day shift, so I understand. Part of the problem is that he doesn't get to spend as much time with the baby as he'd like. So, he wants to cuddle and hold the baby and know that what he does every day is worth it. The problem is, their schedules are off and it becomes a problem.

As far as safer is concerned, it is, but our girl slept with us from time to time since she was a month old, and there is something that kicks in when you are sleeping with a baby that makes you "aware" of the baby, even if you're asleep.

I completely understand your pain, though. This is one of those things that he may not understand, but it is what you think is best, and you are right. You don't want a 2 year old who won't go to sleep at grandma's because you aren't there (because you got your first night in 2 years alone together). I'm not very good at putting my foot down, but this is one of those situations where you just have to. He may say you read too much, but that's all you have since you don't have experience yet, and believe me, you don't want the experience of having a baby that won't go to sleep alone!!! You are doing a great job, just keep your head up and be nice to him when you tell him the baby has to sleep alone. :)

Answer 4

o wow its a shame you dont have his participation in the way you want to raise your children. i dont think its right that a child be sleeping with its parents at the age of 6 and i know that an infant needs to learn to sleep on its own or its dear parents will never sleep again!!! ( exageration i know). my poor sister has an 8 year old and a 5 year old and they still dont sleep through the night. she has never had a full night sleep since they were born. If he wont understand perhaps he needs a feel of what its like care for the kids alone for a whole day to see how important each thing is or perhaps parental classes you both can attend will help him see its more than just you reading too much.

Answer 5

I understand your husband, I have three children, ages 19, 14 and 15 months. My older children DID NOT sleep with me until they were six or anywhere near six but they did sleep with me as babies with no negative effect on their sleeping behaviors. The baby, he has RLS so he does have issues with sleep unrelated to his sleep situation. If you have objections to your child sleeping with you than your husband should try and understand, perhaps show a little more respect towards your feelings and you should be doing the same in regards to how he feels in this matter. I am sure if you were to discuss this at a time when you are both relaxed and not getting ready for bed then you'll be able to come to understanding and an agreement that will please you both.

Answer 6

There is no reason to disrupt the baby's schedule over a whiny husband. There is also no reason for a baby...nor a 6 year old to sleep with the parents. When he says you read too much...I would respond by saying when you read, you educate yourself...that's why manuals come with new electronics, appliances and cars. You read to educate yourself about properly caring for a baby...he should do the same! And yes...cudos to you for having a 3 mo old who can go into the crib awake and put himself to sleep...that is wonderful!

Answer 7

You just keep doing what you've been doing. You have developed a routine that works for you and the baby, and you should not change it because of your husband's whims. If the baby was already accustomed to sleeping in the bed with you two, well that is one thing, but for him to ask that you totally change what the baby has become used to, which is sleeping in the crib, that is just being selfish of him.

As for reading and worrying too much, that is your job as a mother and you're doing just fine!

Answer 8

There is no right answer here (based on facts) It's all about opinion.

Co-sleeping CAN be done safely without increasing the risk of SIDS. http://www.cosleeping.org/

Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq. in "Extended Breastfeeding and the Law": "Meeting a child's dependency needs is the key to helping that child achieve independence. And children outgrow these needs according to their own unique timetable." Children who achieve independence at their own pace are more secure in that independence then children forced into independence prematurely.

I'm not siding with your husband, I'm just saying . . .

You shouldn't switch back and forth between co-sleeping and crib though, babies do need routine and consistancy.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Sounds like you are doing a great job with your son, well done! Explain to your husband that as you are the main carer of your little guy, you would appreciate it if he helps and not hinders the wonderful progress you have made with your son. Tell him it will be so much easier for you both in the long run if you continue with him sleeping in his crib. And please ditch the 6 year old from sleeping in your bed, he needs to sleep in his own bed at that age, for the benefit of not only you but himself as well. Congratulations on your efforts with your son.

Answer 10

I think it is important for children to sleep in their own bed/crib! I think you should stand your ground and I believe you are doing the right thing. How can a husband and wife have normal intimacy with a child in the bed? That is just my opinion but I totally agree with you!

Answer 11

Well obiviously you two need to talk about bedtime and baby time. Great for you, you are doing what you mother before you did and so on. What about the father/child bonding? Since pop is at work most of the night, its right for him to want to spend some sleepy time with his child.
Your husband understands that you find his way of growing up offesive. That's all he hears and sees from you. What you need to do is take an overall look at what is going on.
Talk it out "Honey.. I feel its really important at bedtime - jr goes to bed at this time..but on the weekends when you take a nap you two can cuddle then.."
Or whatever days he's off. Daddy is feeling left out and you aren't helping by bashing his parents and their way of raising kids.
It isn't your style, don't drive daddy away.. its a lonely road out here as a single parent...