To have her arrested or not?

Question

My daughter-in-law is not the brightest person, and it has shown even more since my grandson was born. He is 2 months from being 3 years old, and yet he is still fitting in 12 month old clothes. He has not been trained to feed himself, or had any potty training started, and he has a school that picks him up twice a week for speech therapy (on a doctor's order). My son abandoned him and my daughter-in-law in October. Because she couldn't care for the child alone, and had nowhere to go, we moved them in with us. In 3 weeks, he put on 7 pounds, was improving on his speech, and was feeding himself. After 3 weeks went by, she stole some items from us, lied to us about where she was going, and took off to meet a man that she met on the internet, who is a convicted felon, with the baby. Her mother wants us to swear out a warrant and take the child. Do we do this? And what do we tell our grandson when he gets older and asks us about this?

Child services are already involved, at the doctor's behest. They have been forcing her to take parenting classes, but she just skipped out on them, and pulled the baby out of his school. When I said she wasn't the brightest person, I wasn't being mean. She has mental problems, and basically operates at a 12 year old level. Her mother wants the child taken from her, but I'm having doubts about having her arrested. I know she loves him, but I don't think that is enough for his safety.

As I stated before...
1) our son abandoned her and the child in October. He is somewhere out in Arizona.
2) She stole some items from us when she left (about $6000 worth of jewelry)
3) She does not live with us, as she went to be with this felon from the internet.

As to the question of us raising him, on the day he was born, her mother was trying to get us to take the child from them both, as they both have mental instability. She has indicated that she wants us to take care of him, if he is removed from her care...which we would do, if it came to that.

Answer 1

You need to get child protective services and the police involved immediately in this situation.

If your son is not involved, and you and your husband want to raise your grandson is a positive and loving environment; you will need to become his legal guardians.

You can probably get some assistance from your grandsons doctor, as he is the one who ordered the speech therapy for your grandson. He will probably have records showing that your grandson had been diagnosed as a "failure to thrive baby," due to negligence on your daughter-in-laws part as well as other possible factors.

Right now your grandson's well-being is of the utmost importance. Depending on what occurs in the future with your son and daughter- in-law will determine when you tell him about his childhood and why you and his grandfather have given him a home and stability in his life.

Honesty is the best policy, you will not have to tell him all the sad details, but just something along the lines of his mother and father were unable to take care of him and you and your husband loved him, and became his parents and/or legal guardians.

God bless you and your husband for trying to do the best for your grandson, I am sure he will continue to thrive in your care. The world needs more people who are willing to stand up and get involved where they are needed..Have a good night.

Answer 2

What does you gut feeling say? Do you think the child would be better in your care? It may be difficult to convince her especially if she is receiving any finical aid (welfare) and proving her unfit can get expensive not to mention emotional taxing. If it were me I would try going through your son as he has the same legal rights that the mother does. Since your son has left her no doubt he is aware of the problem and might be willing to help you help his son. As for what to tell your grandson when he gets older, it's very common that kids are being raised by their grandparents & chances are he will figure it out without asking. Good Luck & I'll pray for you and your family.

Answer 3

.. With no disrespect,... "you do not seem to be the brightest tool in the shed either."
What makes you think that you would get custody, raise this child and thence fore need to explain to him, when he is older, about "this"?? Have her arrested for what?
If there is a prosecutable offense, she certainly would not spend much time in jail, in all probability. The 'situation'
would still be at hand, with even more convoluted issues and problems.Some people were just not meant to have children... But they do. Where is you son?? in all of this!
So long as she and the child are living in your home you are allowing what ever behavior she is displaying to take place. Be stern with her in the importance of her responsibilities, or else she can find another place to live.
Perhaps she needs ' the rug pulled out from her feet'
and take a serious look at her actions and the consequences of which are upon her, and get her act together.
~ good luck~

Answer 4

Personally I would go for custody...If the child has been living with you and both parents are unstable...I'm sure you will have the best chance of getting the child...

Having the mother arressted may cause you to lose your grandbaby to foster care......

ya....go for custody

Answer 5

Whereas you have no proof of any wrongdoing, I think this situation warrants a phone call to child social services. Ask them for advice. She is definitely not thinking of her baby's welfare.

Answer 6

You have to talk to the police about this... as much as it sounds you are much better fit for the child i doubt they can take him from his birth mother.

Answer 7

first you have to prove child abuse, she could say she feeds him, but he stays thin, it will be hard, unless your son gets involved, he will need to be the one to say anithing, bring up anything he knows, and the conditinon when she moved in with you...ie...doctors reports what ever, You'll need to prove she an unfit mother.