I was married a few months ago, he was perfect the year we dated prior to the wedding, within a week after we were married, he started being rude to me then started saying he needed to find himself, he would leave for a week, come back for a few days and leave again, he was cheating on me and never quit talking to his ex wife the whole time we dated and were married, they had no kids together though. He came back then left again and when he leaves he calls me really nasty names and is just mean and rude. I was wondering if anyone thought he ever really loved me or what the deal is with guys needing to "find themselves" and why he kept coming back then leaving again
2007-01-19 17:02:59 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl, you married a crazy sack of monkey nuts. This guy was working this ex while proceeding with you. In other words, he's lost. He doesn't know what he wants, other than to not be alone. The success of your relationship was always dependent upon how he was doing with her.
Not to be a hardass, but you were plan B. He didn't love you, he needed you to be there in case she dropped him like a wet food stamp. HUGE difference.
OK, so what did we learn today, class?
A) Be careful to base your relationship upon love, not need
B) People who need to find themselves need to go and look far, far away, and take their time doing it.
C) We need to ALWAYS be on the lookout for unfinished business in our partners before making a lifelong comittment. This includes childhood abuse, ex's, and addictions.
I'm guessing that this guy was far from "perfect" before you married him. I'm guessing that there were red flags that you ignored before it became so painfully obvious.
2007-01-19 17:24:31 · answer #1 · answered by lmcbuilder 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Throw him 2 the curb!! he is not worth ur love!! Obviously he doesn't love u the way u love him!! The "I need 2 find myself" line is just that he is not really 2 have another relationship!! Tell him the next time he leaves it's over!! If he's not there now put his stuff out now!! He is NOT worth the pain!! As 4 the names I know they hurt but try 2 ignore them & him!! File 4 a annunalment (if w/in 6 mo of marriage) if not file 4 divorce U can do must better than him!!
My hubby & I r in couseling 4 bascally the same thing!! Both 1st marriage but he calls me names. I stick up 4 myself. I'm not allow 2 c my family his is better than mine!! I'm giving our marriage my best effort but I've been since the 1st day!! He's the one who has been holding back!! He was great till we were married 6 mo then started showing his true colors!! He even had my brothers & his family fueled but now everyone knows that if we don't make it I'm NOT 100% responsible he's @ least 1/2 responsible!! His family doesn't even like what he is doing!! He is verbally abusive & emotonially as well!! His family didn't know this side of him till resently!! Even his son from previouse relationship says 2 leave him because he doens't like the way his father treats me!! The only reason y I am holding on is because my step-son is the ONLY child I will ever have (I'm sterile)!! I'm also friends w/ his ex which he can't stand!!
Good luck!!
2007-01-19 17:44:51 · answer #2 · answered by Missy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like to me he used you to make his ex wife jelous. And she couldn't stand the fact he was married again so she grabbed him again. I wouldn't let him come back and if you aint in no big hurry for the divorce then wait and make him pay for it. And the part of him sayen I need to find myself. HA HA that is one of the oldest lines in the book. Tell him yeah you can find your self all you want right out the door and don't come back to me when the other woman throws you out. As long as you are there waiting for him hun he will play this game
2007-01-19 17:21:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He kept coming back and leaving again because you have allowed this behaviour. He may have cared for you but it sounds like his true love is his ex-wife. Next time he leaves, change the locks.
2007-01-19 17:19:48 · answer #4 · answered by Jessica 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Whoa!! That feller has some deep personal issues! It's to bad you had to go through all the wedding planning and the wedding for him to show his true colours. Don't blame yourself, hes needs physiological help. This is actually quite sad.
2007-01-19 17:38:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You failed to mention your ages. Either way, he seems very immature and definitely NOT ready for a 2nd marriage. No one who loves you would treat you this way. Love and marriage takes a true committment by both parties.
If this "marriage" is worth saving, then both of you go into counseling immediately. If he refuses, he did not want you anyway. A true man has already "found" himself BEFORE he committs to marriage!
2007-01-19 17:25:44 · answer #6 · answered by BoilBaby 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may starts thinking what you really want out of this difficult situation. Making course change need a lot of courage and strong will.. Think thorougly. Talk thinks out with him. Also to get your friends or parent to support your view. Bless you.
2007-01-19 17:26:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to hear that, it is hard when you think you have found someone that you love and loves you back but he is just not ready. Maybe he comes back to you cause he knows you will be there for him when he does. Just let him go. Good luck to you.
2007-01-19 17:13:45 · answer #8 · answered by xyz 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he wasn't ready to get married again.
2007-01-19 17:36:54 · answer #9 · answered by ~*~Tessa~*~ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How did your marraige last a week, and he would leave for a week, then come back, then leave again?
2007-01-19 17:23:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋