how do i change my heart?

Question

my mom always told me my heart wouldget me in trouble and it does. i have a very big heart. i help any1 i can.i have a hard time saying no. i can't stand ppl getting mad at me, it hurts me deeply.if i can help some1 it makes me happy and i feel good about myself knowing i helped them.ppl know this and take advantage.how do i change this without hurting ppl. ppl tell me i have an attitude or i am being a smartass when i say no. i know what it is like to ask for help and nobody is there.it seems like nobody knows me unlessthey are wanting something from me, and that is a very lonely and dark place to be.so if i am there for ppl, at least i am happy. it hurts when ppl use me.it gets to the point sometimes that i don't want to be in this world anymore and i start thinking bad thoughts. help a desparate heart to change.i have been like this since i was 17 yrs. old and i am 44 yrs.old now.the bad thoughts are getting to be more and more of becoming in effect.

Answer 1

hmmm :/
idk :/

Answer 2

You should never try to change who you are. If you have a big heart, that is an amazing asset. Some people go their whole lives as cold, uncaring, unkind folks, who grow old quickly with regrets. They never learn the joy found in helping others. Yes, it hurts to know that everyone counts on you when they need something, but don't you feel some pride in knowing you are reliable and warm? Please don't feel you are unappreciated. People in general find it difficult giving thanks for help. And if they never return the favor, they will answer for it later. Your karma will always return to you threefold. Every good deed is rewarded in some way. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. This is coming from someone who is constantly being used and taken for granted. I understand...I can't say no when someone asks me for help either. Just remember, God rewards a loving heart.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are what counselors call a "Pleaser". That is not good or bad..just an observation.

It also sounds like that you have accumulated a lot of baggage in your 44 years and it is starting to weigh you down...(That's why the bad thoughts are becoming more pronounced)

Look into getting some counseling (see my sources below) and try to talk some of this out. It will make you feel a whole lot better!!

...and I will say a prayer for you!!

Bless your heart!!

Answer 4

YOU CAN BE ASSERTIVE AND NICE AT THE SAME TIME. IF YOUR AN OPEN PERSON WHO CAN EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS TO PEOPLE, THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT. IT WILL TAKE SOME GETTING USE TO THOUGH. I THINK YOU SHOULD START DOING MORE NICE THINGS FOR YOUR SELF. YOU NEED TO FEEL GOOD WITH YOUR SELF FIRST, THAT WAY, NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE YOU COME ACROSS AND THE RESPONSES YOU GET, YOU WILL STILL FEEL OK. BASICALLY, IF YOU RESPECT YOUR SELF, OTHERS WILL RESPECT YOU TOO. DON'T YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE WORTH BEING IN THIS WORLD ESPECIALLY KNOWING THAT YOU DO HELP SO MANY PEOPLE? HELPING OTHERS IS AN IMPORTANT AND VERY MUCH NEEDED THING, ESPECIALLY IN THESE DAYS. AND I AM GLAD TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE YOU OUT THERE. BEST WISHES AND TAKE CARE.

Answer 5

You have been this way for a long time so it would not be fair to say change who you are but you can replace some of your actions. People who deserve your kindness, continue to be that way with them. I mean people who return the same treatment to you. Now the ones who you know do not have your best interest at heart then let em go. Easier said then done but the pain will last but for a season. God made you who you are for a reason. You are special because in this world today you are a rare form. You cant get too many people to be there for the next without motive so to know that you do it from your heart is refreshing. Instead of focusing the negative energy from others on harming yourself; throw that energy on the ones who try to misuse you. Eventually they will get the picture and in the end who cares if they are mad because they did not get their way. They will learn to like you regardless or step off. It starts with you. People dont dictate who you are; you do. People respect you more when you take up for yourself. Stop being a door mat! It may be alot of people that may disappear from your life that will hurt but time always heals. TRUST ME! So never apologize for the person you are but appreciate that gift and take care of it b/c no one will love you more than you. Just find another way to be there for them; maybe offer them advice or just be a listening ear and let them find their way. I know with my friends that is all it normally takes. Please do not let someone else determine your fate with God. Fall on your knees and pray and ask God to give you strength and remove all evil thoughts from your mind and to remove all people who are untrue to you and start from there. He always works it out. I know! I believe you can do it with just a little faith in yourself. God says bless other people with what he blesses you with so continue doing that with the right people.Stay blessed!

Answer 6

i may not be as old, but i know how you feel
it hurts when you are insulted after helping someone. sometimes you get tired of helping people. sometimes you cant please everyone. and when things get worse and worse, you are the most negative person ever. this habit of being so nice and big hearted is very hard to get over. (i havent even gotten over it yet) but you have to remember, this is who you are. although its hard to get over it completely, but you can do little things. learn to say no to people who deserve it. about the bad thoughts, i find that venting out your feelings to your friends helps a lot. find a good friend who wont judge you or make fun of you when its at the most horrible times. just know, you are not the only person out there like this.
telling people how you feel helps a lot
dont do something you will regret. look at the brighter side of life. and when some people atart using you, stand for yourself and fight!
good luck out there

Answer 7

you do NOT change yourself. Don't you always feel better when you help someone?
That is the most important thing in the world!
You have a gift to share your heart, you can't refuse it. It's a beautiful gift, and i know it, cause i'm same with you. Don't let people use you, cause sometimes you need to say NO.
But do not think about darkness.
You know, that life is beautiful. And your mom was right: your heart is not getting you into trouble.
You are out there for this world, and that is great!!!
Good luck

Answer 8

It is not a bad thing to say no for yourself and do not feel bad for doing what is right for you. If you do not out you first then no one else.

Answer 9

I like to help people too but there are some people who don't even try to help themselves so I don't help those ones.