We had this discussion when we got engaged. I told him I didn't want any children and that by marrying me, he would be guaranteeing himself to a single life, only with me. Well, today, he came up to me and told me that he wanted a baby. He said that it was part of his culture to pass on his traditions to his children and that when we got married, he did not think I was serious and would warm up to the fact eventually. However, I am a professional ballroom dancer and falling pregnant is not good for my career at all. And, bringing a child into the world would tie us down. I've been pregnant once before... before we got married. I got an abortion. I don't know what to do anymore and he says that this is VERY important to him. But my career is extremely important to me. I <3 my job and would not trade it for anything in the world. I am Asian heritage and my husband is of Middle Eastern heritage.
I don't see how bringing a child into the world will change our lives for the better at all.
2007-01-19 16:42:33 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
I'm not worried about it messing up my figure as much as it would tie us down. I mean, I'm only 22! Otherwise, I would adopt. I wanted to do that eventually... but when we were OLDER like in our fifties or something... adopting an older child from China or Korea or Afghanistan or something.
2007-01-19 16:51:54 · update #1
When my husband and i got engaged, he told me he would really love a ton of children and he would like to have them as soon as we got married! I was like NO WAY, you are not the one that gets your stomach stretched and your boobs stretched and you dont have to push the thing out, so i decide when we have babies!
We got married and i was on birth control and to our surprise i got pregnant a month after we were married! At first i was scared and i dont believe in abortion so i decided that i would make the best of it.
I am also a dancer and i love to dance, it was not my life like it sounds like it is yours, but i love to dance!
I was nervous and i just didnt know how this would effect my life, then i felt my little girl kicking me and i seen her on the ultra sound and it was the most special thing i have ever been through.
Now i have a 6 month old little girl named Grace and i couldnt be happier, i teach dance to other little kids now, but having a child made me feel like i was so special, taking care of something other than myself.
So my advise to you is that it is ultimently your choice but from my experience it is the best thing, better than dancing, and i wouldnt rather do anything but be a mom!
2007-01-19 17:06:53 · answer #1 · answered by jkl_eavitt 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Either you have being a mother in your heart or you don't and clearly you don't. No, you do not need to have children. I say this only because of your past and present. You do not want children and no child should ever have to know that they were brought into this world only because one parent or the other wanted them. I have to say I wouldn't trade my children for anything in the world. Even if I were told I could live forever, I would have to chose to have my children and die at some point in life. I will say that I do feel sorry for your husband and maybe he should move on. You both have different views on what you want out of life. You want a career and he wants a family. I am not saying you are a bad person for what you want and am glad that you are not going to go ahead with having a child for your husband. A lady I know didn't want children, said she would never have a child. Her husband talked her into having two children. When the oldest was four years old and the other was about two years old, the lady left her husband with the two little girls and these babies have to live with the fact that their mother doesn't want them. You and your husband need to do a little soul searching, best wishes to you both.
2007-01-19 17:11:58 · answer #2 · answered by mom of 2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this man married you, and clearly understood that you were not intending to have children, then it is EXTREMELY selfish of him to put this upon you. He probably planned on it from the get go., and figured you would eventually want to have children, and he probably doesn't want to wait anymore. People think they can change other people AFTER they marry, thats the problem. He agreed to the marriage the child situation that you stated, if his obligations to his culture were so important , he shouldhave discussed this with your before the marriage, but its wrong of him to lay this out on you after everything is said and done, and now you are between a rock and a hard place. If worse comes to worse, and you love him, I would adopt a child. Especially if you dont want to risk your career. So many people wish they loved their careers. Good luck with everything !
PS.. He doens't have to have a child with you right away anyway.. You both could wait years from now if your 22, and still have a loving family.
2007-01-19 17:17:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a pathetic excuse not to have a baby...Oh no i will lose my figure...It is called EXERCISE after you give birth.
Yea you are young right now 22 and all but i had my son at 21 and i am in good shape with a 6 pack, having a baby did not mess my figure up.
You are putting your career in front of your marriage. If it came down to your ballroom dancing and your man which would you choose? If you are thinking about your job then maybe you don't need to be married.
When your husband keeps on thinking about having a baby and you keep on saying no then don't be surprized if he leaves you for someone that will be happy to give him a child. It is his right to have a family and if you already know you will not give it to him then go ahead and divorce so he will not go through years of heartache for nothing. Don't lead him on thinking that you might cave in soon and have a family. Just be straight up with him.
A job is just a job but a family is everything and it means more than just dancing arounf in a circle all the time.
If you cannot even see what a child can do for a couple then you seriously need to get divorced. I feel sorry for your husband.
2007-01-19 17:57:33 · answer #4 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
When my husband and i got engaged, he told me he would really love a ton of children and he would like to have them as soon as we got married! I was like NO WAY, you are not the one that gets your stomach stretched and your boobs stretched and you dont have to push the thing out, so i decide when we have babies!
We got married and i was on birth control and to our surprise i got pregnant a month after we were married! At first i was scared and i dont believe in abortion so i decided that i would make the best of it.
I am also a dancer and i love to dance, it was not my life like it sounds like it is yours, but i love to dance!
I was nervous and i just didnt know how this would effect my life, then i felt my little girl kicking me and i seen her on the ultra sound and it was the most special thing i have ever been through.
Now i have a 6 month old little girl named Grace and i couldnt be happier, i teach dance to other little kids now, but having a child made me feel like i was so special, taking care of something other than myself.
So my advise to you is that it is ultimently your choice but from my experience it is the best thing, better than dancing, and i wouldnt rather do anything but be a mom!
BUT NOW WE HAVE 3 KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY AND I LOVE IT THE SENSATION OF ALL THE KIDS IN THE BED IN THE MORING IS ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY
2007-01-19 19:31:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You told him how it was before you got married. If he agreed and is now disappointed, sounds like he's the one with the problem.
Having a child is a big decision and big responsibility. If you aren't both 100% committed to this, it is a very bad idea to do it. Dragging a kid into a relationship, especially when it will almost certainly cause resentment, is a recipe for disaster.
2007-01-19 17:51:17 · answer #6 · answered by Computer Jock 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, girl I wish my hubby was like that. I am the other way around he always thinks about it twice. Having a baby is such a great joy. (I don't have any but, when others have a baby you just feel all warm inside) I don't think that there is anything in this world greater and better than having a little bundle of joy that you can nuture and love, all your own.
2007-01-19 16:49:57 · answer #7 · answered by fairy_tinkerbelle_01 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are 22 years old you don't want a baby right now. He needs to understand that you are NOT ready and he shouldn't try to force it upon you. Having a baby will make a huge change in your life and it's something that BOTH of you definately have to agree on and be prepared for. Try rationalizing with him. Good luck to you!
2007-01-20 03:13:44 · answer #8 · answered by lisak0486 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to express and stick by your feelings. Explain that you do not want to have children and if you are forced into it you don't feel you would be a good mother. I doubt it's that you just don't want to have children because they are a "burden" per-say. I think it's because deep-down you know you aren't ready to be a mother and that's okay. He married you for life. You gave him warning and that's all you could do. Hopefully he'll understand. Best of Luck!
2007-01-19 16:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by .vato. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take a step back and really think about this
you are still young and should not rush into anything...this decision should be made by you and your husband alone.
2007-01-20 07:46:38 · answer #10 · answered by ~*common sense*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋