BOYFRIEND joining the MILITARY????????????????? I'M GONNA CRY..........?

Question

My boyfriend and I are in college. We've been together for almost a year and talk about marriage all the time.

He talked to the military recruiter today (he told me he would yesterday).. and he said that he now may go into it. He'll be able to get any kind of job and they'll pay for school. He would be gone for the whole summer.. and next summer. It's like he poured all this to me at once. We would've had a heartfelt talk... but my brother and his friend were there. So I couldn't say anything. He said he's gonna talk to his dad. He used to be in the military. Basically, my boyfriend is thinking about joining just to pay for college.

My heart is breaking. I'm about to cry. I don't think it really hit me yet... I won't be seeing him on weekends and summers anymore. I don't know. And the whole thing about a chance of him dying? My God... I couldn't handle that.

Someone please help me feel better. What is it like in the military? And what is it like for their significant others?

Answer 1

Sounds like your boyfriend is joining the National Guard or the Reserves considering you said you wouldn't see him in the summer or on weekends. If this is the case your mistaken on when he'd be busy with his commitment. With the guard or reserves he'll only be going one weekend a month and two weeks out of the summer unless his unit gets deployed.
My husband retired from the Army and I worked for them and it was a great life and now that we're retired it's even better, we get health insurance very cheap and getting meds. and going to the Dr. is almost free. Of course there are times the family can't go with the husband but in most cases they can. Your boyfriend is very smart to let the Army pay for his education. Two of our sons joined the guard and ended up going active duty army, which means it's a full time job. The youngest is a helicopter pilot and like my husband he'll retire before he's forty with full pension and benefits. If your boyfriend lets the army pay for him to finish school and he still takes the GI bill when he gets out he can go back to school again if he wants to advance on his degree or change his occupation all together. It really is a good life, no worse than any other job. If you look at the stats. more people were killed right here last year than what was killed in Iraq. So whatever you do can be dangerous. Don't try to talk him out of this, if it's what he really wants to do and you convince him not to join it could cause problems in your relationship, he'll wonder what if? If you really love him then you have to sacrifice your feelings and let him do what he feels he has to do, just like he would hopefully do if there were something you really felt you had to do career wise.

Answer 2

May I make a suggestion? Tell your boyfriend if he wants to make money to get a Merchant Mariner's Document and work as a deckhand or wiper on a cargo ship or oil tanker during the summer or on an extended break. The nice thing about it is if he doesn't like it he can quit!! The Service sticks you for 2 to 4 years of your life. He'll be away from you for a few months but at least he won't be getting shot at. Please e-mail me if you or him are seriously interested in this. Tell me what state you live in and I will be able to give you the address of the nearest Coast Guard Regional Examination center. The Coast Guard to a merchant sailor is like the Division of Motor Vehicles or Secratary of State are to your driver's license. They regulate it and distribute merchant mariner's cards. I will also be able to help with labor union addresses or companies that may be hiring. I left the US navy in November 1993. I made 900 dollars a month as an e-2. I started sailing on a container ship in late December 1993 as an oiler making $104.20 a day for an 8 hour day. Over 8 and I got overtime pay. The navy gives you the same cr*p every 2 weeks.It doesn't matter if you work 0 or 8 or 24 hours a day. I also was treated like a human being compared to the jerk for a chief petty officer who was a little tyrant over me!! Tell your boy to take a breath and think! There are other better ways of getting some money in the wallet. Good luck!

Answer 3

I am in the marines and can tell you a few things, having gone through this before and counseled many of my men. First off he should not join merely for college money, nor just take "any job". This is a serious commitment to his country and to his future. Research different branches and jobs. That being said; DON'T BE SELFISH!! If you two are serious then you should be willing to wait for him. What is one summer apart (or even 1yr) if you plan on a lifetime together? He is making a difficult step that could lay a foundation for that relationship to last a lifetime. For you both to have better future. You need to commit to him as whole heartedly as he is to his country-- or move on. Seperation is not easy on us so write him often,be proud of him, happy for him, and do not make it any harder. Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't recommend joining the military to pay for college, I think that is crappy propoganda. If he wants to go in, then as hard as it is for you, you need to support him. When you love someone, you will support them and encourage them in their choices and then be there to ease the fall if it turns out to be a cruddy choice. If you can't handle it then you need to tell him right from the get go so there is no confusion as to what you commited to.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now, but hang in there and make sure you tell him how much you will miss him when he is gone, and if you make that commitment to stay with him through this, then STICK TO IT. Don't desert him later on. You have a lot of soul searching to do, just like he does. I wish you the best.

Answer 5

My husband is in the Army, and yeah he will be gone for awhile, but if he is worth it you will wait for him, and if he really wants to be married to you then he will, Personally i love the life style you never know where you may be stationed, and as far as college goes if he needs help paying for it its perfect, granted the pay isnt the best to start off with but they work their work there way up. And while going to college you are guaranteed to get it done and not have to worry how to come up with tuition, or if you are gonna have a place to stay and something to eat while you are doing it. The Army takes care of thier Soilders and there family's really well. Its tough when they are gone, really tough ( my husband is over seas right now ) that part really sucks, but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger and absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Answer 6

I know it's hard but,he is doing an Honorable thing here. Stand behind him. He's a brave sole.If he does die he will die a hero. if he survives,you & him will have a great future together.Remember,every thing happens for a reason. My Neice has a husband in the Army & he's scheduled to be deployed to Iraq next month.It's his second tour of duty. My Neice is feeling just like you.You're not alone.Tell you're boyfreind thanx in advance from me. Take care.