She calls me all the time and we have okay conversations and I want to be there for her but I want to look out for myself, too. Any suggestions/recommendations?
2007-01-19 16:30:31 · 7 answers · asked by ally 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Do not let it go beyond friendship. It is good that you would like to be there for her,but remember that you can not change her. You can only advise and suggest..that's all.
Until she gets her life straightened out,do not become to emotionally involved. I have heard (you probably have too) about how professional counselors have to keep themselves emotionally detached from the people whom they are counseling.
You need to do the same.
You might also tell her about New Life Ministries. They counsel a lot of addicts/alcoholics and I would bet they would be able to help her,too. Just remember,however,It has to be her decision to get help.
If she has no other friends,try to help her to get some new female friends. It would be good for her and she will not be coming to you and you alone with her burdens.
Good Luck!!!!!
2007-01-19 16:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by Chief Paduke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be her friend, but you need to set clear boundaries and make sure she doesn't take over your life. Above all, do NOT try to "save" her -- it's not your responsibility, and it's all too easy to get sucked into a really pathological situation. Only she can save herself, ultimately.
It would help to know why she wants to die, and how old she is -- a 20-year-old alcoholic with suicidal ideation is one thing, but a 45-year-old alcoholic is another.
2007-01-19 16:35:04 · answer #2 · answered by littlethings 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From experience: run like heck.Stop taking those calls. You do not NEED the aggravation this will bring on you. Eventually, it will become 'your' fault she drinks; 'your' fault she feels like dying. I've seen it happen over and over again. RUN. You cannot save her, you cannot fix her life. Only she can do that, and she doesn't seem to want to. Send her to Alcoholics Anonymous for someone to listen to her.
2007-01-19 16:33:56 · answer #3 · answered by Baby'sMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's too bad. I think that being a supportive person is a good thing, but if it interferes with your own being, then you're gunna have to cut off the friendship. It's too bad but you can't help her till she wants it.
2007-01-19 16:34:50 · answer #4 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful, especially if you have feelings for this person. I lost five years to a girl with similar problems. It took me that long to realize a lot of her problems stemmed from not loving herself. I loved her but it was one sided as she didn't care for even herself, so I was a fool to believe she could ever care for me.
-NmD!
2007-01-19 16:35:01 · answer #5 · answered by NoMaD! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is nothing but trouble. You cannot help someone who won't help herself. Offer to take her to an AA meeting. If she refuses, it is a hopeless case. Move on to a healthier friendship.
2007-01-19 16:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to be there for her, cause she obviously trusts you.
you can save her, don't leave her.
Good luck!
2007-01-19 16:33:57 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet_summer_breeze 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋