How do you cut the negativity out of your live, when its caused by family members?

Question

Sometimes family members just do not give you the support you need, what's the best way to deal with it?

Answer 1

I like to just cut them out of my life. give it a try.

Answer 2

I experience the same thing, but do not give up on yourself just because they aren't rooting for you. Find your center, & create peace within yourself. That solidifies a foundation of serenity that can't be penetrated by any negative energy. Next, find an outlet that lets you shake those bad vibes should they get under your skin; i.e. a hobby or a refuge, the main objective is to get your center to a happy place. I always say; you can't choose your family, but you can control how they affect you. Sometimes family don't support you because they are jealous that your future accomplishments may overshadow theirs. You don't have to rely on your family to support you; find some like minded people who share your positive demeanor, and be productive. Another thing you can do, is kick your positivity into overdrive because it is infectious. Have you ever been around someone cheerful when you weren't? It always changes someones bad mood if they encounter someone in a good mood. Good luck. I'm no expert, only passing along my life experiences.

Answer 3

Honey, let me tell you what, I am going through an identical problem now and have been for sometime. After awhile, you just have to resign yourself to taking care of yourself and simply say the hell with everyone else. You just have to start believing in yourself and trusting your own judgment. Keep your head high and keep moving forward in your mind away from all your other family member's negativity. This will not be easy, but you can do it. Remember believe in yourself and the know that everything will turn out fine in the end. Stay positive and focused. Good luck, I know you are suffering now, but it does get better. Trust in God and yourself. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 4

I like to use the example of life as a bucket and we roll through life seeking to keep our buckets full, yet not overflowing and unmanageable.

It took me many years to figure out how to handle people who either took water from my bucket or blatantly drilled into my bucket leaving me to mop up and run myself ragged with the damage. Sound familiar?

Here's what I've finally discovered: blood may be thicker than water, but when blood messes with my bucket, all bets are off. There is nothing worse than the 'enemy from within'.

Now, this is all with the assumption that, for the most part, you add water to others' buckets in your family every chance you get. If you do that without draining others' buckets, then you have to add some distance to protect yourself (and spouse/kids if applicable). I've found that supportive, close families are the best, followed by close supportive friends who add to your bucket, followed by distant relatives that are not supportive and occasionally tap your bucket, followed by unacknowledged relatives who live to tap your bucket. It's hard to always know the difference, so I suggest add a little space until you find comfort.

My mother-in-law was a destructive force. We set new, far-off boundaries. She learned the lesson and understood that for supporting her, we expected/deserved mutual support/understanding. Slowly, we let her back in, but not too far. After more time passes, we'll invite her in more.

Sorry for the long answer, but this is a complicated, draining problem for anyone. Best wishes! :)

Answer 5

You shouldn't bail out of the family. The thought crossed my mind before. It's just something you have to work on. Communication doesn't come easy for some. Trust is so important too. Speak out, and express your feelings, maybe they just don't know the answer your looking for, so that doesn't classify them a negative person. Search inside yourself. Maybe it's just that your too sensitive right now. Think positive now, and believe in your family.

Answer 6

Tell them that you need support, and can do without the negativity. Try to get that support & understanding from friends. If that doesn't work, you may need to consider a more independent future for yourself, so they don't act as a millstone around your neck!

Answer 7

Understanding this reality brings one to the decision as to what value has one got in the continuance or discontinuance of this behaviour derived from family members. Is it worth it to bring this to the attention of the others and will they listen and coordinate apropriatly if you do so. If so great and if not...well, you decide.

Answer 8

Find your support outside your family, from friends, teachers or mentors. If your family is negative toward you, ignore them. Pay attention to them only when they are positive or at least neutral. People do things to get attention - they don't care if it's positive or negative attention. If you can ignore them and only reinforce their neutral or positive behavior by paying attention (responding to them) in time you'll shape their behavior so that they're more positive toward you.

Answer 9

Distance yourself. The other day my aunt was casually mentioning the very personal information associated with a failed relationship of which I was a part. I came to my mother when my heart was broken and she spread my business to the world. I was very angry at first but when I saw how pathetic my family's lives were I got over it. I do not trust a single one of them but I am no longer angry with them.

Answer 10

Turn to your friends for support and remember that your decisions are yours alone. Negative people will never give the resolve you need in decision making.

Answer 11

Avoid them for awhile and surround yourself by positive people and positive things. Dont cut family out of your life but do try and understand why they feel the way they do, even ask them if you feel they are approachable.