I left my husband b/c i wasnt happy. He was very mean and controlling. Now that im gone he wants to make it all better by going to counseling and bringing me flowers and calling me 100 or more times a day to tell me he loves me and we're going to be ok.
I have told him over and over that i dont think we have a chance and dont want to go to counseling or any of the vacations he has also planned for us.
i am not cold hearted we went through this last year and i heard the same things. i tried it but no there was no change in behavior. I feel like i gave it my all but he says that this is the last chance and if he messes it up he'll leave me alone. i dont believe it. it wont be over to him until he decides its time.
what should i do? i dont want to go back to him but feel guilty like im not giving 100%, but dont want to give anything b/c im just tired of it. im done but he doesnt get it.
2007-01-19 16:05:35 · 14 answers · asked by Miranda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if you went through it before why go through it again? Don't feel bad, it's not your fault he didn't hold up his end of the bargain. I wouldn't go back in less i SEEN some effort on his part. Not just roses and I LOVE YOUS. he can start counseling himself. Make the changes HE needs to make. and then if you decide you want to give it another shot do the marriage counseling.
2007-01-19 16:15:08 · answer #1 · answered by true 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just dont go back to him and get either a legal separation or divorce if there is not hope left for you marriage.... Have you both been to marriage counseling yet? If you feel that your not giving 100% then try to do it before you give up is all I am saying.
2007-01-20 00:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well then you must stick to your guns. I had a similar experience too with my ex. and my mother had the same with her ex. Unfortunately he hasn't changed even when you did give him another chance so i can see why your not to thrilled in trying it again since he didnt' come through the other times.
You will just have to be stern and strong with him and tell him its over and that your not interested in trying to get back to him. your feelings have changed towards him your not in love with him any more and your ready to move on and that your sorry he's not ready but your not waiting. This is your life and your moving on. and tell him to stop calling you and sending you flowers or what ever and so he gets the hints when he sends the flowers refuse them and ignore his phone calls etc.. what ever it takes
2007-01-20 01:02:12 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts. You have to do what you think is best. Guilt is not a good reason to be in a relationship. If you don't think things will change, don't put yourself through more heartache. If you still love him and think that there is a chance, give it a try. Only you know. However, it sounds to me like you've already made up your mind.
2007-01-20 00:14:31 · answer #4 · answered by la buena bruja 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u've been thru this once then u know it better than anyone else that he's not gonna change...if by being with u after u've left him n he didn't change then my bet he won't....u have the right 2 b with someone u love n who respect u not control u...it's stiffling...i know how its like...b happy..mayb u won't find someone new but i'm sure u'll be able to find yourself...sometimes being married u lost your identity...u become mrs so n so..society expect u 2 b somethg n your husband control u...u tend 2 adapt...so now go find back the real u...eventually he has to come 2 terms that it's over....men tend 2 take our faithfulness n silence for granted...
2007-01-20 01:18:37 · answer #5 · answered by jl C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, get a restraining order. Second, move to a location that he does not have knowledge of and don't list your phone number and don't register your address on the internet anywhere. If he still doesn't get it go to the police and see if they will assist you in dealing with this problem. Your attorney should be able to do something if the police cannot.
2007-01-20 00:37:07 · answer #6 · answered by truckerman96 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart, friend. You stated that you don't want to go back. You are smart enough to know he's just trying to control you still. You were strong enough to leave, don't let him manipulate you anymore. I understand feeling guilty, my whole life revolves around feeling responsible and guilt, but really I know that everything isn't MY fault or doings. Keep strong. Best wishes to you.
2007-01-20 00:12:09 · answer #7 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make a decision do you want to totally give up or going to feel guilty about not giviing 100%. I would try one more time at least you know if it does not work out you gave it your all_
2007-01-20 00:10:11 · answer #8 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have already made a decision on your own. You had enough willpower to make a decision now stick to it if your heart is telling you this. Let him know that you are tired of his ways and that you have moved on with your life and thats final.
2007-01-20 00:21:35 · answer #9 · answered by pinkjet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you want to give it another try do that but maintain your own place to live. Date him for a lengthy period of time and see if he really does improve his behavior. Living separately on your own making him PROVE himself over and over for a very prolonged amount of time will tell if he really means it.
2007-01-20 01:25:31 · answer #10 · answered by tooyoung2bagrannybabe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋