Dealing with Ex-wife about kids what should i do?

Question

over the last 4 yrs, since separation began, She has done well to take care of my children's basic needs. I do not question that. Unfortunately she has not done much else for/with them.

She moved into an apt when we separated with the kids. She moved in with her present boyfriend in the middle of my daughter's Jr K yr. They stayed there for the last 2 yrs Then moved 45 minutes away this last September. Now she is telling me they might be going 2000 miles west in July.

My major issue is not that she is moving the kids around. My major issue is that these kids are not maintaining any social contacts. My ex has moved from a town where she has support from both of our families. She has moved to a town where she lives in an apt building with no yard, in a town where she knows only her sister and myself. These kids have little stability and their support network is getting smaller and more strained.

The ex is also making no effort to help the situation.

She had a chnce to make a play date for my daughter with one of her classmates. over an almost 2 week period she couldn't find the time to call the parents to get a feel for the situation. She told me she felt wierd with my daughter being invited over to a boy's house.

I'm afraid these kids aren't getting the social interaction that they deserve. i'm not sure what constitutes neglect. Is this grounds for a custody battle?

Answer 1

I don't know what kind of custody agreement you have here, but, where I live, many people put in their divorce decrees/child custody/separation agreements that the kids cannot leave the state without a hearing on the matter to determine what is best for the child/children. Is she denying you access to the kids? And, if she decides to move 2000 miles away, will you get them over the summer, or some other arrangement?

As far as the kids go, you have a right to be concerned as their father for their well-being. However, I have news for you: the moment you bring up the potential for abuse or neglect, it could really backfire on you. Most agencies in the state that I live in don't do anything unless there is obvious physical or sexual abuse going on. Unless you have proof of that, raising that as an issue is not a good idea; you may never see them, then, and have an irate ex. I am divorced with three kids and I tried to move across the country--despite my "not leaving the state" clause. My ex and I worked it out that he would get them during the summer. Well, my stay out of the state didn't last and I moved back and put them back in the schools they were in before. I have found that the kids need both of us, despite our divorce. Your kids need both you and your estranged wife--you are their parents forevermore. That won't change no matter if either one or both of you get married again.

If you are really concerned, talk to your estranged wife, if you can. That's the best place to start. If she is unreasonable, you may want to review your agreement then talk to an attorney, especially with the cross-country move being contemplated.

Answer 2

She's not moving them around alot.. at this point, and just cause she doesnt take them on play dates ect.. doesnt constitute as a custodial issue.. a judge would not give u custody for that..sorry but true..

The only thing i suggest is that when they are with u on weekend visits ect, that u take on the job of making sure they interact with other children and have their play dates ect.. that way they are still getting the much needed social contacts that u feel they are lacking while at ur house..

As far as her wanting to move 2000 miles away in most states u can stop that.. if u take her to court before she leaves or get the process atleast started before she leaves.. u can possibly keep her from leaving the state till ur kids reach the age of 18.. i know this from personal expirence.. if the judge feels it is not of absolute necessity for the children to move so far away from their father, then he can issue that she remain in state till they are of age to make sure that they continue having their father as a constant in their life..

So if i were u id be more worried about losing my kids to a move 2000 miles away more so then i would their social activity at this point.. thats something u can cure urself while they are with u, but if they are 2000 miles away then u cant do much at all , except see them maybe once or twice a year so they not only lose friends , more importantly they lose their dad.. and i think thats the bigger problem..at this point..

Answer 3

It doesn't sound like you are divorced yet? If you don't want her moving with your kids then you need to make sure that is an issue addressed at the hearing. As far as the social skills, they are in school so they are getting social skills, the ones you think they are lacking outside of school, why can't you call and make the play dates? Kids support network are their mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends, pretty much in that order. Before you knock your x for not maintaining their social contacts ask yourself what you have done to help that along?

L.

Answer 4

She's loopy and certainly that is the first time in her existence anybody has instructed her "NO!" So, not only has the opposite guy she threw her marriage away for used her up and dumped her, but her ex husband does not need her back either. She notion the grass was once greener on the opposite side, and now she looks like a low-cost whore, which she should. I would save all these texts and emails and go correct to the courthouse and file for sole custody of those youngsters. When folks behave like emotionally unstable, petulant toddlers, it can be tough to liberate kids into their custody when the other parent is equipped and sane.

Answer 5

You need to think about your kids in the long run maybe they are better off with you and not her....

She must be doing something right as they are going to school and meeting new people...

I would say if you are really this worried call your lawyer and talk it over with this person and try to come to an understanding that you and your ex can say Hey I need to change something that is going on with the kids....

Don't make it out to be a big deal.

Coming from a foster parent Stability is a very big deal, Communication is a very big deal, once you break their foundation its not easy to repair. Talk with your kids and see how they feel.

I'm sorry I couldn't be more help but thats all I can really say!

Answer 6

You need to get with a lawyer asap cause here in Mo I can't leave the State of Mo. unless I have my ex permission cause of the kids. Why don't you keep track a note book on her faults and the dates and take her back to court and get the kids. She may be a o.k. mom but what do you think of the way she is raising the kids? Any support you or your family gives her always keep track of. Never give her cash always give her money orders or checks so if you take her back to court you have proof of everything. And if you go back to court for your kids get witness on how she is with and toward the kids. Ex b/f does wonders and friends. Good luck and check with a lawyer asap cause like I said I think she has to have your permission to leave the State or a very good reason why she wants to go. Good Luck! P.S. IF you take her to court make damn sure you have a stable home and a stable job that will be a plus on you

Answer 7

She's loopy and obviously that is the first time in her existence absolutely everyone has instructed her "NO!" So, no longer in common words has the different guy she threw her marriage away for used her up and dumped her, yet her ex husband would not want her lower back both. She concept the grass became greener on the different facet, and now she appears like a cheap whore, which she might want to. i might want to maintain all those texts and emails and bypass right to the courthouse and record for sole custody of those childrens. even as human beings behave like emotionally volatile, petulant toddlers, that is frustrating to launch toddlers into their custody even as the different figure is in a position and sane.

Answer 8

I would speak to an atty. Are you guys still married, but separated? not divorced? If you're not divorced then I would think her just making the decision to move 2000 miles away (or just out of state for that matter) would not be acceptable if you two do not agree on it.

Just see and attorney to find out your rights. Best wishes to you and your children.

Answer 9

honestly, you can only control what you do with your kids and for your kids when they are with you during your visits.
i know it is easier said than done, but it is over between you and your ex so try not to focus on how she is living. even if you have good intentions on thinking about your kids, it really is your ex behind this thinking.. you can only control what you can do so just remember that and find some support group while going threw these things some people go threw during the seperattion.

Answer 10

I didn't read it all but I'd take her to court. You have genuine concerns and they should be addressed to a judge. You could go for custody instead of them being moved away or around they could live in one place with you.