For the past 4 yrs my family has treated him like sh!t and last week in the middle of and argument I sided with them. I have also lied to him and betrayed him in other ways when it comes to my family. The last straw was we were buying a Harley from my dad. Well when we were arguing I had him come down and get the bike, but the next day rather then talking through our problem he packed his stuff and he left. He said I had betrayed him and he couldn't be with me. Since then he has been here to watch our two lil boys when I have to go to work. We have talked very little about our problem, and I have apologized to him for lieing and betraying him the way I did. He says that he is still very upset about the whole ordeal. Yet tonight when I got home from work we put the boys to bed and ended up having sex. When he went to leave I told him that I loved him and missed him and he kissed me and told me he missed me too. Does this mean he wants to be here he just needs time or what?
2007-01-19
14:30:22
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23 answers
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asked by
turtlegirl247
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in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm an only child and my parents live down the road; they know our business without me telling them. How do I show him I am on his side with out completely turning my back on my parents? Like he would like me to do.
2007-01-19
14:49:01 ·
update #1
#1 ALWAYS take his side. If you dont he feels alienated and it feels you dont support him.
#2 STOP lying and betraying him because of your family! How do you expect him to feel if his own wife treats him this way! Your HURTING him! He obviously loves you and doesnt want to leave you but your pushing him to the edge. A person can only take so much. SO YES of course he is very upset!
#3 KEEP your family out of your business that is between you and your husband. When family gets in your business then things get messy.
#4 COMMUNICATE with your husband. You two need to sit down and work through your issues. You two obviously dont want to end your marriage so you two need to REALLY work things out. You two have two little boys you need to raise together!
#5 YES he does need time and you can try to get him to come home if you plead to talk to him so you two can work things out. Cook his favorite meal and get him to come back home to work things out. Make up sex wont help your problems but COMMUNICATING will.
Good Luck!
2007-01-19 14:41:35
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answer #1
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answered by . 6
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If you want to know, then ask him what it means.
You also need to decide how important your husband is to you and if you're willing to work things out with him. If he's been treated like s*** for the last four years, then you take your family's side over his, what did you expect he might do? You're lucky he toughed it out this long. He probably walked because he needed to think independently of you and not have to deal with the family drama.
Apologizing to him isn't enough. He has to feel that he is number one in your life. He needs to know that you have his back when it comes to your family. You have to regain his trust.
If you're serious about wanting him back, then give him the chance - when he is ready - to tell you how he feels. Let him get if off his chest. Resist the temptation to jump in, JUST LISTEN. Then ask him what it will take for the two of you to get back together AND DO IT.
Your husband has been lied to, betrayed and treated like crap. And as his wife, you weren't his partner. He may love and miss you, but if you were him...why would you come back? When you feel yourself getting into the heat of the moment, you need to back up and think about what's coming out of your mouth and what's happening around you. Once the words come out, the damage has been done and you can't take them back.
He's your husband. Back him up!
2007-01-19 14:46:23
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answer #2
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answered by Le_Roche 6
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It sounds more like you need time to get over your lying and betraying behaviour. At least you realize you have a problem, that's a good start. Perhaps it would help if you went to couples counselling together. It would show your commitment to trying to fix the problems.
I also agree with the person who said you should move. It's not healthy to be quite that close to your parents if you can't put your marriage first.
2007-01-19 14:37:16
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answer #3
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answered by mj_indigo 5
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You really need to draw a line with your parents. If you truly want to continue to be married to him you must stop allowing your parents to get involved in your marriage.
I had a mother who was getting into my marriage. It caused a great deal of friction in my marriage because my husband felt that I never stuck up for him. Finally one day after her and my husband got into an argument over a stupid issue I pulled her to the side and I said to her, "Mom I love you and you are the only mother I have, but I love my husband. Do not make me make a choice because you won't like the choice I make".
Believe it or not things improved not only in my marriage, but with the relationship with my mom.
Good luck this situation is really hard.
2007-01-19 15:05:47
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answer #4
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answered by tomimegi 4
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well you should talk with him without letting your parents know what is going on, you have to be telling them something or they would not know right? you are married to him and he is married to you not you and your parents, it seems like he does love you from what you said but do not tell lies it only makes things much worse. Be honest no matter what because honesty and trust make up 90 percent of your marriage. Just let him cool off and then speak with him in a calm manner. Good Luck
2007-01-19 15:17:49
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answer #5
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answered by twinki 1
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You obviously love this man, sit him down and talk to him about how you are both feeling. Give him some time, by the sounds of it he really needs it. That and I would move if I were you, it also sounds like you may be too close to your family for it to work, how can he ever think that you are on his side with your parents breathing down his back??
2007-01-19 14:57:29
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answer #6
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answered by jim's girl 2
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You have 2 kids together, and you still like each other enough to make love. My advice? Offer to move your immediate family away from your parents/extended family for him. Then do it if he thinks it would be a good idea. Your marriage is worth more than a geographical location, and your family is too selfish to not wreck it. If they are getting in the way, you take care of that. Period. Now go get your husband back.
2007-01-19 14:35:39
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answer #7
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answered by skydadt 2
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This is something you have to work out with him. No one on this message board can tell you what he is thinking. However he IS right, you DID betray him. He is your husband and your loyalties should be with HIM, not your family. Bascially what you did was agree with your family's opinion about him...why should he come back to you when you can't even be loyal to him? Obviously you weren't paying attention to your marriage vows very well on your wedding day were you?
2007-01-19 14:35:28
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Sounds like he needs some time to process your betrayal and see what he wants to do from there....I think it would be a good sign that he's being civil and still being active in your children's life. Try and be patient and show him how much you are on your side, you will have to regain your husband's trust again and it may be a slow process.
Good luck!
2007-01-19 14:35:28
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answer #9
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answered by Blue Eyes 2
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Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to decieve. If it were him doing this to you how long would it take you to get over it. Thats what you need to think about. Also your story is long but not real clear. It sounds like you lie to him a lot and side with your family but you don't say what its about so I don't know if you had good reason. But if you didn't then you need to stand by your man.
2007-01-19 14:48:00
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answer #10
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answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7
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