How do I deal with my friend who had an abortion when i'm totally against it?

Question

People say it doesn't matter because it's not my body, choice. I just have trouble being around this person because she drank, smoked pot and cigarettes until she could round up enough money to have the abortion. I'm a Christian and I believe that abortion is not okay and not a form of birth control. I tried to hang out in a group with her and I couldn't even look at or interact with her because I have no respect for her anymore. Now some of our mutual friends have taken her side, even though they were against it from the beginning. I have been working on forgiving her, but I have a fair amount of anger to deal with because of her complete lack of responsibility and the fact that she's still sleeping around, unprotected. In the end, I believe in standing up for what I know is right. Any thoughts?

Thanks for all your responses!
I would feel this way whether I was a Christian or not becuase I think killing babies is wrong, no matter what. I care about her, but she refuses help and just keeps living in an extremely self-destructive manner. I don't believe it is her choice, I think it is the alcohol thinking for her. I've been praying and I feel like that's all I can do, which I know is a lot...but it's the fact that I know it will probably happen again. She works at an effin' pharmacy, she could easily get bc, condoms or the morning after pill. As for what kind of friends she was/is...not a very good one. She can't hang out without getting blasted drunk. She's unreliable, never there for anyone, and there's no real connection because she never has anything to say or talk about except partying. She wasn't always this way, and we've been friends for a long time, so it's hard because of that. For u who say deal with it: duh, I'm trying, that's why I asked!

Answer 1

Forget the drinking... you say she has been doing drugs... she is not the friend you once knew. Her brain chemistry has been altered she is just not the same person. Her choices right now are all about the drugs. If she were clean she might not like the person she has become... BUT she's not clean so she can't see it. Cut your loses this is between her and God. Keep her in your prayers and thoughts, but not in your close circle of friends... she is not a trustworthy person right now. Someday she will regret it all. All the sex, drinking, drugs and hopefully only one abortion... when she does... maybe she will be truly repentant and ask for forgiveness and she won't need it from you... she will have to seek that from God. Let her know there is hope and it's never too late, but leave it at that, cus this sounds like watching a train wreck and you can't help her right now.

Answer 2

i might desire to on no account have an abortion myself, yet i'm professional-selection. Having a toddler should not be approximately 'having to stand the outcomes' no count number what. a toddler has the the terrific option to be enjoyed and needed, not compelled upon an unwilling and/or unable mom. that's unhappy and unlucky, yet for some women human beings/females abortion is the lesser of two evils. some days in the past there replace right into a question on right here from a pregnant 14 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous newborn, aggravating with regards to the discomfort of childbirth, who replace into being compelled to circulate forward with the being pregnant against her will. the final public of the replies advised her the discomfort replace into punishment for her stupidity. That made me ill to my abdomen. human beings declare abortion is wicked, yet i think giving such responses to a worried newborn is wickedness on a bigger point. I actual have litle time for women human beings who've different abortions or use it as a fashion of birth control, yet they might in all probability make undesirable mothers besides so that's for the terrific interior the long term.

Answer 3

I'm going to take a different path here. I don't 'get' the relationship. You seem to have a lot of angst and emotion over what this 'friend' is doing, not only to her body, but to her life.

If I could read into what you were writing that she was and/or still is a great, dear friend, I would be applauding you for your committment and persistence and offer you thoughts that usually help in this situation.

However, you wrote this: "I care about her, but she refuses help...As for what kind of friends she was/is...not a very good one."

In every friendship, every good friendship worth fighting for, both friends gain something: a helpful hand, caring heart, patient ear, etc. We tend to seek out friends with common points of view. I don't see what is in if for either of you, which makes me doubt the quality/quantity of your friendship. In your own writing, you paint this a thin friendship.

Bottom line: relationships like this pop-up from time to time when a) we cannot control our own lives to the degree we want and/or b) we live in a critical environment whereas nothing we personally do is pleasing to those we care about. Either way, we tend to over blow the importance of a relationship and attempt to 'save' someone. This draws attention away from ourselves, makes our life look great in comparision, etc, etc.

This may not be your picture at all. However, I see no friendship here. If that is the case, my advice is this: be casual friends and enjoy the mutual friends you have (which you may be better friends with and those that you really care about). Stop trying to lead her and instead, be an example for her. If you talk to her, let her know that you're around if she needs someone to talk do. If you are ever going to have an impact on her, it will be in a non-critical way. She obviously has had her share of criticism in life and has given up trying to please people or fit in. Rather, she is trying to suck the marrow out of life as if she gets one, short ride to enjoy it all.

I could offer you advice as to how to reach out to her and make an impact in her life, but I think the first step might be to explore why it is you are getting so wrapped up in a mediocre friendship.

I wish you the best and hope you find something to take from this.

Answer 4

This is simple, but may be hard to do.

You need to tell your friend that you believe what she did was wrong, and what she is still doing is wrong. Because of this you cannot have her in your life, unless she decides to change. If she refuses to listen to you, walk away.

If you continue to stay her friend, you are condoning what she did. Sometimes you have to walk away.

Think of this as an illness, that you can catch. If we stay around people with bad behavior, it will start to rub off on us.

If she ever comes to you for help, help her (not with money). But she is like an alcoholic, until she hits rock bottom, and decides to change, she will keep up the pattern of bad behavior.

Answer 5

You have to put your personal beliefs aside and look after your friend. This is about her not you. She obviously needs some form of help as she seems to have some self esteem issues, otherwise why would she be taking drugs and sleeping around? You don't have to change your beliefs, I believe in standing up for what i believe in too, but there are some situations where you have to put others first.

Answer 6

Perhaps she needs all the friends she can muster at this time. Sometimes we cannot tell how much a person is suffering because they try so hard to mask it and quite succeed in doing so. Sometimes, some of us hate ourselves so much, we don't think we deserve to have friends and do our best to drive them away.

You are to be commended for your steadfastness and strong character. Can you be more understanding of someone who isn't? It's also great that you acknowledge your anger toward this friend. Why not acknowledge the other feelings you have for her? The feelings that made you friends in the first place.

Answer 7

Yes, you have your beliefs, but she was your friend and just because she did something you don't agree with means that it's your job to be angry at her. That's being awfully self-righteous when it's not your place to be.

I have a lot of Christian friends though I don't believe in it and I hold no anger towards them for being something I don't believe in.

If you feel so angry about it then maybe you should just not be friends anymore. She has her own problems, you don't need to be one of them.

Answer 8

There are certain types of people you dont need in your life. If your friend is making you feel bad because of her lifestyle, then you have to wonder why you are even friends to begin with. By having these feeling contained inside of you, it will only make you grudge her more, which in turn will make you feel like an even worse person. Ask yourself if you really need her friendship and then decide if you can live with being "friends" with someone like that.

Answer 9

I think that you should take your focus off of "forgiving" your friend--what did she do to you? If you want to be Christian, follow Christ's example --don't judge others and instead offer them kindness and unconditional love. She has made her own choices for her own life and is probably in a lot of pain right now.

Answer 10

Feel abortion is not a good choice for birth control but do remember it's her choice and we must respect other people even if we don't approve of their actions.