I have two teenage kids, a son 16 and a daughter 17. Their mother dies 8 years ago and ever since then they get worse and worse. My son is dating a 19 year old girl who i do not approve of. Hes talking about adopting her 1 year old son when he turns 18 and is talking about having a baby with her. Hes also been skipping school and the other day I found empty bottles of alcohol in his room.
But he is nothing compared to my daughter. She goes out with a different guy every night. I found homemade pornography in her room where she was engaging in sexual intercourse with 2 other people. I found heroin in her closet. Shes failing all her classes and talking about dropping out of school. Ive found empty pregnancy test boxes in her room and much much more.
Ive tried everything grounding them, taking things away from them, sending them to their grandparents for weeks at a time, and everything i can think of.
What more can I do ?
2007-01-19 13:50:54 · 28 answers · asked by Beeraw 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Start with counselling.....maybe they are rebelling for a reason......if they refuse to attend then i would get them to spend a day in a correctional facility so they can see where they are headed.....they live under your roof so they must play by your rules.....remember you are the adult and parent in this situation
2007-01-19 13:57:24 · answer #1 · answered by askaway 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I am sorry to hear about your wife and my condolences. That is a tough situation to deal with alone, but you have a full plate on top of it with your KIDS.
I would probably suggest some form of intervention or family councelling for all of you (NOT through school because they are just NOT trained). I would find a private. They generally talk to you all, then individually and then bring the family back together to resolve the issues.
Your KIDS may have never really dealt with the loss of their mom and gone through the necessary steps of grief and acceptance. I believe that it takes around 5 years to go through all the steps and they may have jumpted right to the ANGER stage.
The fact is that KIDS at this age are going to experiment with drugs, alcohol and sex. I suppose that is a given. They also have to understand that there is a certain level of responsibility and accountability that goes along with these actions.
Your son maybe looking to start his own family to make it "like it was before he lost his mom". The reality is that without an education and a decent job his family will be a mess. If he feels that he can do as he pleases and that you will just bail him out, then you have to explain in NO uncertain terms that it just is NOT going to happen and then stick to it.
Your daughter is flirting with DEATH or worse. Heroin and excessive sexual contact simply DARE AIDS to sneek into her body.
Now here is a question for you. Where are they getting the money for alcohol and heroin? Who pays for the gas and insurance for their cars?
I don't think that you can handle this on your own and need some help, so get it NOW! There just isn't a simple answer.
GOOD LUCK,
J
2007-01-19 22:23:25 · answer #2 · answered by jacquesstcroix 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The biggest thing is you can't be their friend anymore, its time to be their parent. You probably got more lenient when their mother passed, knowing it was a hard time on them. But this was the time you needed to show them that just because their mother is gone doesnt mean they can run all over you. You are still the parent and you need to show them this. Yeah you can spank them but what good is that going to do, they are gonna fight back. If they dont want to go to school, call the police, believe me they will come and get them and make them go to school. Sounds like it has gotten out of control, search around and ask the counselors at their school and see if there are any places that could help out, maybe boot camps or somewhere you can send them. If they remain in the same enviroment things are just going to get worse. Good luck.
2007-01-19 22:01:20 · answer #3 · answered by Katrina R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once a troubled teen and now as an adult I wish my parents would have done more on my behalf. Here's what I think you should do for your daughter...
Your daughter needs serious help now. You need to send her to 90 day inpatient rehab (once she turns 18 you can't force her to go). I would request her rehab counselor be a female... she needs a positive female role model. It doesn't get much worse than heroin and sleeping around. She obviously doesn't have any dignity or self respect. I know its the middle of the school year, but I would still send her now. You can work something out with the school. I urge you to do something now... before it's too late. She may hate you for it, but one day she will thank you for it. Good Luck.
2007-01-19 22:08:02 · answer #4 · answered by *Just Married* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the car keys, have the internet shut off for all computers but your own and lock it. You may think this is drastic, but you could sign your son up for rehab, even if he's not an alcoholic. There are INPATIENT programs and as a 16 year old, you can sign him in. If he were 18 and an alcoholic, you couldn't do that.
With her...there are rehab's for heroin too. I think if I were in your shoes, I'd call the Girls Club of America and tell them your situation. They may not be able to help you, but I'm SURE they'll have connections to programs that can. Worst case scenario, you can call the police and tell them she's incouragable. They'll put her in a group home for a while and give her counceling.
I feel for you. I honestly do. I sincerely hope you can find help with this! Good luck!
2007-01-19 21:56:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are several things you can do. Ground them! Have the police come to your house and scare the living daylights out of them! This will not make you a bad parent/guardian! If you care about them, you will do whatever it takes to protect these children, they will only get worse if you do not fix the problem now !! I suggest getting both of these kids into counseling and possibly putting both of them in boot camp! I would definitely have the police come to the house and tell them what's going on, trust me they can help! I would also suggest calling your local courthouse and police station to see what other options you have. You definitely don't need to deal with this and they should not be acting this way!! They are the children not the adults!!!
2007-01-19 21:56:05 · answer #6 · answered by journeythroughlife85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the others, my two younger brothers.. ages 17 and 21, are in the same situation. I would see about sending them to some sort of teen challenge, or military school, boot camp of some sort. I know it's not easy to do, but the choices are that, or have them end up in jail at best... dead, or dying from an STD. It's harsh love, but you have to do what you think is best for them. They will hate you at first, they will call you , blame you, cry, pitch fits.. but in the end.. it's what's best for them, and they will realize that after they come to their senses and look back on the way they were acting.. and see the road they were headed on. I wish you all the luck in the world.. and most importantly.. PRAY!
2007-01-19 22:00:49 · answer #7 · answered by Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
police or military school at their ages. They should be getting ready to become positive additions to the real world but without help they are just going to be a menace to society and jail will be coming soon. Might as well get them the help while they are still your responsibility. Once they turn 18, you will not have much say about what they do and you will feel like you still have to take care of them. With drugs in the house, guess who is going to get in trouble for it when the cops find it.
2007-01-19 22:45:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say send one to the grandparents....permanently, and the other to military school. Are you Catholic? You may want to send your daughter to a convent. Also, you can send your son to one of those programs on a farm where you get up at ridiculous hours and get farm jobs.
I recommend these just because they are great ways of straightening kids out. The only thing I can't be too sure about is the grandparents. I recommend sending your daughter to a farm or convent and your son to a farm or military school. Good luck!
2007-01-19 22:06:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know i am in the same citation as you but i have two boy. Out of control. These people saying beat'em, spank'em. Come on they are teen. Unless you want to end up in a situation that is going to be bad. I'm sorry for you. Kids really make you old fast. I started going to a therapist, just for myself. Then I started taking my boys one at a time. We still dont have the best relationship but it getting better. Good Luck
2007-01-19 22:03:50 · answer #10 · answered by betterwithage 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, first you call the police on your daughter. Lock her butt up.Make her dryout. Put her in a state facility.Atleast until you can get the drugs out of her system. then,you go buy you a good cow hide belt.and when yourson walks in the door ,tear dumbness from his raw hide. Your children are almost grown. A nd they are outof control. This is your last chance before the states consider them grown.I have had to deal with family hooked on drugs. And still till this day its a battle. But you stand by them, until the states say that it is out ofyour hands.Then wash your hands
2007-01-19 22:01:20 · answer #11 · answered by jen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋