So, my girlfriend finally admitted that she's sexually attracted to her best friend and they've occasionally made love. But she says that she loves me too but just cannot remain monogamous because her best friend of many years is too special to her as well.
I gotta admit I was really crushed at first and felt like a first class loser but the more I think about it, I don't see what the big deal is. If she was with a guy I wouldn't hesitate to dump her but she's with a girl and I somehow don't feel quite as jealous. I don't know, maybe I should but somehow I believe my girlfriend when she says that her relationship with her best friend cannot be replicated. The bond they share is love, but so is what she and I have together love too without a doubt.
She's been a real angel do me and has made sacrifices for me that clearly demonstrate her love for me. She still devotes a lot of time to me.
But can something like this really work? Anyone have any experience or insight in this matter?
2007-01-19 13:32:28 · 17 answers · asked by Sepehr 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Also please no silly 3some comments. I have no interest in her girlfriend.
2007-01-19 13:34:34 · update #1
There have been a lot of questions here on this subject, so I've done my homework on it. It is possible to make this type of polygamous relationship work. It sounds like you two have a strong relationship and you're at least somewhat ok with being with a polygamous woman. If the relationship means this much to you, it is possible to make it work. Honesty and working through tension and jealousy are very important. I'd really suggest doing some reading on polygamy so that all three of you know what you're getting into and specifics on how to make it work.
2007-01-19 19:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure you will be able to compete with her and her friends love, so either you let her do it or you lose her, because trust me you will not stop her. I have no doubt that this girl loves you or she would just leave you to be with her friend.
You have to decide if you can live your life that way, I am not sure how old you are and if this is something that you could handle down the road, I would be curious how long you two have been together and how long has she been with this female friend. Sad to say, there is something about another woman that a man can not do. Don't bash I know first hand. I really hope you find your answer within yourself, but be kind to her, she has to care about you, to let you in on this secret that is probably a huge transition for her too.
Good Luck!
Ok, I just read on your other question you have known her for 2 months, so this is been going on with you two for 3 months, sorry I would have to say you need to let her go, if she wants to be friends that is great, but if this is a childhood friend of your girlfriends, they love each other and they are trying to deny it, and she cares about you, but not like her friend. You should move on, because you will get hurt in the end. You are too young to settle for this situation.
2007-01-19 14:23:37 · answer #2 · answered by Naughty Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could work, but in my book, girl or guy, she was still cheating. I suppose that her feelings could have been confusing her and if you want to let her use that as an excuse (that maybe a harsh word to use) as to why she didn't tell you before then thats up to you. But ask yourself, when we've only got so much time here, and there are literally millions of possibilities for life, do you want to spend time trying to make a relationship work, when, if you think about it, it will have to end between you and her or her and her at some point, i.e. if you want to get married/have kids, and she doesn't etc. If she's just fooling around or experimenting in the short term then thats a different matter of course. Sounds like she loves you tho.
2007-01-19 13:40:46 · answer #3 · answered by Stephen J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being bi just means you are, I believe, equally attracted to either sex.
It does not mean you get to have two relationships at once or to have on relationship and dalliances on the side.
She has two people on a string.
She may even think she is being true to you both.
It really depends on the two of you.
Either you will all be able to get a long and possibly even live together. If your families can accept this it would be a miracle.
Other wise there is always going to be some who is left out for a holiday.
Each of you will want to be with her and go to your family or hers and one of you will not get to have that.
Each of you will want time for just the two of you but I doubt it will be equal time and eventually someone will feel slighted.
Eventually someone will find that they are not getting what they need from this relationship while all the while she will have been what she needs twice over.
As I say this is if you and this other woman cannot come to be close friends as well.
I know you are not interested in threesomes but unless the three of you can spend time together I don't see a lasting future for this relationship.
good luck though.
2007-01-19 14:51:36 · answer #4 · answered by octopussy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Quoted from you, ''don't see what the big deal is. If she was with a guy I wouldn't hesitate to dump her but she's with a girl and I somehow don't feel quite as jealous''
ARE YOU FOR SURE? sharing your girlfriend with another girl? and you want your kids later on to have two momas? It's just not a healthy relationship, you know it and you just need people to be your conscience.
Dude, it's just not healthy, believe me.
2007-01-19 13:37:41 · answer #5 · answered by williams 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem that I see you running into is "What is she doing, with whom, how many other women are there, What else is she going to bring home (AIDS) not to mention the rest that don't kill you, Is the other women with others and what is she going to catch and bring back home to your girlfriend. You are not just sleeping with her, you are sleeping with every person she has been with. You made that decision to be with her and her previous partners not her friends other partners. I think that it is very dishonest of her to cheat behind your back. If you are not involved it is cheating no matter how you look at it. Can you see other women too?
2007-01-19 13:46:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, come on man. Your girlfriend is obviously dedicated to you,
and you're blind not too see the opportunity that is in front of you.
Just try it, for one night sleep with both of them and see where it leads, and if it works out , great. And if it doesn't work then you gave it your best shot. As of this moment , you are real lucky to have this opportunity. Go for it!!!!
2007-01-19 14:50:30 · answer #7 · answered by Lorenzo A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in an "open" relationship. You are equally justified in having sex with others too. I think there are probably several "perfect" partners for all of us. But we have to settle for one at a time.
2007-01-19 15:10:01 · answer #8 · answered by San Diego Art Nut 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it yourself, if this was a guy, you wouldn't tolerate it. Why should this be different? She's not only cheating, she told you that she loves someone else. Move on or stay a doormat.
2007-01-19 14:22:20 · answer #9 · answered by lavendergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF she is your girlfriend why does whether she cheats on you with a man OR a woman matter, are you willing to maintain a relationship with someone who cheats on you?
2007-01-19 13:36:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋