Hi, I have two young boys (4 and 1) but I am not happy with their father. I feel as if I should stay because he is their father but he makes me unhappy, he's lazy, he drinks and he doesn't give me the love and affection that I am starting to crave. He doesn't seem to realise that there is a problem because everytime I ask him to do something, he changes for a month or two then it's back to normal again. I want out but I'm scared of starting again. Of how hard it will be for my kids. How hard it will be to move. How do I let go? How do I move on? HOW DO I TELL HIM I DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE???????????????????????... To be honest, if we didn't have kids together, I wouldn't be with him.I think that if I'm happy, my kids will be happy. We aren't married. I don't want child support just want myself and my kids to be happy. He's been caught drink driving while on suspension for drink driving. My eldest son (4) tells him not to drink coz he'll get wobberly. How do I do this??????
2007-01-19 13:15:13 · 35 answers · asked by tamarasykes1980 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do what is good for yourself and the kids. Just tell him it isn't working out and you need to move on. have some place to go before you tell him. and do it without the kids there so he doesnt try to stop you from taking them. Good luck.
2007-01-19 13:27:46 · answer #1 · answered by Kismitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not married-do you have a job outside the home? If not, do you live somewhere you can get on welfare? Do you have a joint bank account, or separate? Do you have any money for yourself and the kids? Get away from this guy--DUI--not a good thing! What could have happened and thankfully hasn't is for him to be drinking, driving, and have kids (maybe even you) in the car in a bad accident. Not a pleasant thought. You may get child support anyway, depending on where you live, and how much he makes. He's been on suspension for drunk driving? GET AWAY From This Guy-ASAP!!!! And the children will be happier with you, and safer with you, Away From him. As you are packed up, ready to go out the door with the children, tell him you don't love him anymore. It's over. Capoot., etc. And tell him briefly why-his drinking-then shut the door behind you as you leave. Wishing you and the children the best. Take care.
2007-01-25 15:52:05 · answer #2 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is scary and yes, it is hard. Also, yes, it will have an effect on your children, but it will eventually be a good effect. The real bad effect on your children is happening now, while you are all living together. What they are seeing now it having the effect that will hurt them.
Remember the saying, Children learn what they live, and it is so very true. They hear and see everything, and more than you know.
You have to talk to him and tell him you can't and won't live this way anymore. And you must get child support. That is his responsibility and you should not enable him to run away from it. It will be hard enough to support them as it is, so you need that money.
If you have family that can help you get back on your feet, talk to them. You need as much support as you can get. Do you belong to a church? Bring you children to church, Sunday school, etc. They will make some good friends while learning God's word. That will help them stay on the right path as they grow.
You and your children have the right to be happy and content, with peace and joy in your home. Be an example to them so they will know how to be in a healthy relationship one day.
Just be honest with your boyfriend and let him know exactly how you feel. Don't let him manipulate you into letting him stay. Do it for your children and for you. If someday down the road, he finds the help he needs and he gets his life straight, changes his ways, then you can re-evaluate the situation and maybe start a new relationship with him, starting from a friendship. But use WISDOM, take your time, and don't rush into anything.
It is better to be alone, then to be with the wrong person, the person who brings you and your children down, and the person who makes you unhappy. Your children are your first priority.
Be alone for a while, don't start dating right away. Take care of your kids and do a lot with them. Spend a lot of real quality time with them and make their home secure. When you do start to date, don't bring your dates home right away. Indroduce them as a friend when you do bring them home. Children get attached very quickly and are also confused. They are hopeful that he might be their new father. Wait until you are in a real relationship that you know is the right one and then go out all together and let the kids get to know him.
One step and one day at a time. You and your children will be just fine.
God bless you as you make you decisions and start your new life.
2007-01-26 17:12:53 · answer #3 · answered by coolkatt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation for years and for the same reasons. At the end of it when I just couldn't take it anymore, I realized that the real reason that I didn't want to leave is because I was afraid to. I was afraid to be alone , a single Mom struggling to support and raise 3 kids.I was afraid that I would end up being alone forever and that no one would want me because of my age,31, and because I have so many kids. Which I would like to add are very precious to me. Your kids need to see what a good stable secure environment is. And you can give it to them. Alone!!
And you will find a guy sooner or later, just don't go looking for one cause that is when the desperate radar gets turned on and all the losers come out of the wood work. Just make the right choices for you and your kids and you will see that it is worth it.
2007-01-27 13:12:51 · answer #4 · answered by poobear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what I say. You know how he change for a little while then change back into Satan's imp? He will always do that. As long as he have you to come and lean on, he will always do this. If you are not happy then the kids know this and they also see what's going on. I told my ex time and time again that I wanted out because of his drinking, running from the law, driving drunk and giving the police other people names when he get stopped. Taking money out of the home to go on his sometimes 7 day drunk spells, women and just a nasty way of life. Then he want to clean up when he's broke, homeless, shame, and playing sorry. I clean him up and forgive him all the while waiting for the next episode. I didn't love him either, I was scared to step out on my own and then a man came my way. a real man. I didn't want to make my daughter unhappy for me leaving her dad, but I needed love, so I played the fool and stayed. Missed the only man that really loved me for fear of leaving that drunken fool. I know people change, but at times , enough is enough.
2007-01-27 12:58:21 · answer #5 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are if you attempt to have a conversation with him it is only going to make him irrate and the situation could get real ugly. Just talk to a family member to see if maybe you and the children could stay for awhile till you get back on your feet and leave with the children in the middle of the night with a note for him saying that you couldn't take his drinking and not helping out so you decided to leave. Maybe that will open his eyes and make him a better person but then again maybe not.
Just don't tell him in the note where you are so that he can't start harassing you cause that is the last thing that your children need to see there father doing.
Good Luck and I hope the best for you and your children
2007-01-27 12:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by luscious0071 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband was a cheat and a liar. He was also a job hopper, quitting one job, 5 months later finding another, only to quit again. He was someone I could not rely on. We fought constantly! At the time my daughters were 7 and 12. The reason I left him was because I didn't want my daughters to think that life had to be this way, with all the arguing and never knowing what to expect from day to day. I left because I wanted them to know that marriage didn't have to be that way. Two years later I met the man of my dreams and he is a wonderful stepfather to my girls. NO REGRETS HERE! I'm very glad that I did leave, we are all better for it! My ex has remarried also, and has a very nice wife and I think he's trying to get his life back together....
2007-01-26 08:44:53 · answer #7 · answered by Brown eyed girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know it does not get any better but worse when you are not happy the children are aware are you really doing them any favour by staying in a relationship that's going no where the kids are young think of the years ahead of you can you hold on until they grow up /why not seek help now while they are young and you are young .Do you need retraining job wise to go out on your own? then seek help there is always a way out if we want it bad enough and willing to go for it Good luck remember you are one of a kind and you are special
2007-01-27 11:57:25 · answer #8 · answered by baby_nurse3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really dont love him anymore than you really should leave him. I understand how concerned you are about your kids, but it will be better for them if you leave than to see you put up with the disrespect from their father. They see it and they will repeat it if dont show them that you didnt put up with it and others dont either. My parents divorced when I was 4 or 5 and Im fine. In fact I look back on that time when we were together and my brother and I were sooo unhappy just like my parents. Your kids feel the tension and the pain get out of there before they get too hurt.
And by the way everything will be fine. Just keep telling yourself that you can do this.
2007-01-19 13:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by Mary 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only reason you're staying with him is because of the children. Think how much it will affect them in the future when they learn that the parents they live with doesn't have the greatest foundations of all... LOVE & RESPECT. Be strong and set each other free, it will be hard at 1st but in due time everything will workout for the better. Life is not a prison sentence so live it freely one day at a time. Your children are blessings, in everything that you so think of them 1st and always bear in mind that they will never be happy if hatred is within the air.
2007-01-27 13:21:43 · answer #10 · answered by mardiel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reading this made me think of myself in your shoes about 6 years ago. My ex drank everyday for 9 years of our marriage. He abused me almost everyday, kids saw it and all that. I finally woke up and said no more. The boys do not need to see this. If your not married, it might be a little easier. Just be honest with yourself and your bf. Please try and tell him when he is sober of course. A friend told me something and I stand by it, "It's better to be alone and happy then to be with someone and unhappy" But see it's even better because your have your boys to be happy with! I wish you all the best and will be praying for you and the your boys
2007-01-19 17:45:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋