You and your pals are having lunch and discussing your dating lives. Can you write an amusing......?

Question

paragraph or 2 or more that includes these tv quotes?
1. That is the essence of male thinking .......oh,God, how sad.
2. Wow! A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at eleven!
3. I'm a 34-year-old woman with braces and I'm on a liquid diet -- pain doesn't begin to cover it.
4. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan ?
5. Oh, I must give you my e-mail address. It's [e-mail].
6. Your life, on the other hand, is like this box of ACTIVE GRENADES!

Answer 1

We were known as the 'Nine to Five' girls and I was nicknamed Dolly Parton, not because of blonde hair and large boobs, but because I was the complete opposite. Flat chested and dark hair - that's me. It was only my friends whom I allowed to be so forward. Anyway, here we were, on the twenty-eight of the month at seven thirty in the evening, at the same table, in the same restaurant, Chico's, if you are ever in downtown Staten Island, talking the same gossip and growing older each year. To be honest, we had been doing the same thing for the past eight years and nothing changes.

'Here I am' I sprayed the others with a faint mist. 'I'm a 34 year old woman with braces and I'm on a liquid diet - pain doesn't begin to cover it'. 'Come on Dolly' begged Patricia, better known as 'F a g Ash Lil', because of her heavy smoking, 'it will help you to get a guy if you have beautiful teeth. You know men like women with a good mouth'. 'That's my point Lil', I answered 'That is the essence of male thinking....oh, God, how sad'. Mary, better known as Madonna, Mad for short, joined in 'Ah, leave the men out of it, it either makes me sad or the other, and I haven't had any of the other for a long, long time'. 'What's the matter Mad' one of the others asked 'whatever happened to the Janitor at your apartment block. Gave you the brush, did he'.

It was nice that we could all laugh at ourselves, as the only alternative was to cry. Here we were, all unmarried maidens and according to each one of us, still virgins. I don't know if the others lied, but to be honest, I am not too sure about myself since last Christmass's Office party. 'What you doing later Madge' I asked of the one sitting directly opposite me'. 'Watch the box, I suppose Doll' she looked sad at the prospect. 'The highlight of my night, a film. Wow!. A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at eleven! And yourself Doll'.

I had decided on what I was going to do a long time before. I was going on the 'pull'. This I announced to not only the girls, but to the group on the table next who were obviously eavesdropping. 'I am going to get all dolled-up, sexy clothes, jewellery and makeup and go to the singles bar next to the office'. There was a chorus of 'No' from the others. 'Listen you lot' I was half serious 'You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan? No way. I am where I am because I wear clothes that went out with Maw Kettle. Tonight I am going to pull a man if it is the last thing I do'

'Oh, I must give you my e-mail address. It's [e-mail]. No matter what time you get in, let me know how you got on' Madge appeared to be the only one who had forgotten about my braces, the others were all looking up at the ceiling.

'Do you know what I would like to do' pretty Amy, who had been sitting quietly throughout and for whom I had a raging jealousy, piped in 'Men' she said 'I have been mistreated by every single man, and some married ones too, with whom I ever dated. They are all pigs. If I had the nerve and the inclination, I would go to one of those gay women's bars and get myself involved'. 'My oh my' exclaimed Virgo, the elder of the group 'I would never have thought you capable of saying such a thing Amy. You are such a surprise, you make us think after all these years that you are as innocent as the driven snow, yet your life, on the other hand, is like this box of,,,,,,,,,,''she paused for a moment, then added 'ACTIVE GRENADES........ready to explode at a moment's notice when the ring is pulled'.

I too was shocked but held my resolve. I called over the waiter. 'Joe', I said 'cancel the food with our apologies to the chef. Tonight you could be in with a chance, bring us two bottles of Jack Daniels, twenty-four Buds and make way for the Tiller Girls, tonight any man who walks in here is in severe trouble. We are making a stand for femininity and I don't mean Womens' Lib. We mean sex, Joe, totally uncomplicated, free sex..................now get them drinks'.

All five of us stood up and gave a bow. I did however notice that at least ten unattached men, were quietly making good their escape through the side door. However, I suppose when it comes down to it, we can all share Joe. We know he is single and after all, we want no complications and with a 66 year old man, I doubt if there can be any..........................


(I had to wear my wife's clothes, including underwear to get into the part as a female. Unfortunately, I went outside to get something from the car, now I am ruined with my neighbours and probably the police will be calling later. Got to be careful though, I think I enjoyed it).

Answer 2

I'm sorry my dear, I do not come to Yahoo Answers to be put to work.

Answer 3

i've never dated anyone before