if your husband's talking to a coworker via phone, internet, email secretly isn't that more than friendship?

Question

My husband of 10 years has been having phone conversations, e-mail, my space contact, IM with this female coworker for a long time secretly, until I recently found out on my own. He claims that it's just friendship..I think that's bull_ _ _ _.. Even after I found these things out and specifically asked if he called her, he denied calling her or her calling him. Of course he's going to lie, I know. Even if they didn't have a physical relationship I still consider this cheating. What does everyone else think?

Answer 1

If he has to lie about it, it can't be good. Even if he physically has not cheated, he has emotionally cheated. If he hadn't, then there would be no reason to lie about or hide anything.

Answer 2

Yes, I would consider it cheating because he's hiding this supposed friendship. You know he's lying and you know what your gut is telling you. He might not have physically cheated on you yet but from the sound of it, he's seriously considering it. In my experience, anyone that hides stuff like this is already cheating. Not to say he is but it's all very suspicious. If he's still lying to you and you've already caught him, it might be time to look into leaving him. It might sound harsh but like I said, in my experience with this kind of stuff (and I've had tons!), once a liar & a cheat, always a liar & a cheat. You're better off without the him. Get a good lawyer and let him have his secret friendship! Odds are that friendship won't last a year after you leave him. You deserve someone who respects you and doesn't lie or have secret friendships! Good luck!

Answer 3

Yes, that to me is considered cheating. A rule of thumb...anything that you can't tell your spouse because you know they will get mad...is something you probably shouldn't be doing. Case in point... he knew you would get mad...he hid it because he knew it was wrong. He is the wrong doer here and don't let him make you feel like a jealous psycho for getting mad. he is a married man and he needs to put a stop to their secret relationship. And you should call the little skank that he works with and tell her to quit being a homewrecker. If they aren't doing anything inappropriate then he shouldn't have any problem letting you read all of the emails, IM's etc. that he has been sending to her.
You should call that homewrecker and let her know that you will kick her butt if she doesn't back off your husband. Or better yet, have him call her in front of you and tell her himself. Don't let him make a fool of you.

You should definitely install what is called a KEY LOGGER on your computer. Basically it allows you to secretly monitor ALL activity on a computer. It will record EVERY email, IM, website visited, passwords ...everything. You can install a free one by going to
Http://www.Morpheus.com
and searching for a program called 007 spyware. It doesnt take long to download and it provides the registration key for free along with the download. Just follow the instructions. Or you can always purchase a Key Logger program online.

Answer 4

Only him and her know the answer. My guess is no he is not cheating if he was called on it and if there was sex there would not be so much talking. He may feel the secrecy is so you don't get upset over nothing. I do have guy friends I like to chat with occasionally, but I always tell my husband about the conversations immediately. It's not that he cares, but I respect him and want to share my life with him and have nothing to hide. I do agree that emotional intimacy can be a worse kind of affair than sex. But unless you know the topics, length and frequency of the conversations, and their hearts it is just speculation. Is there a record you can confront him with? Try reading the book "How could you do this to me?" on forgiveness and learning to trust again - sounds like you lost a lot of trust and respect for him. Best wishes. Hope you find the answer you seek.

Answer 5

you do not ought to cover the actual shown reality that you leaf by ability of his emails he's your HUSBAND. you're right he's normally annoyed that you regarded by ability of them and there is in common words one clarification for that, he's doing something he should not be doing. deliver it up with him and instantly out tell him that you've been dealing such as his emails. Be honest, there's no longer something more effective perfect. you're not any further the only with something to cover he's so there should be no causes coming from you. He on the different had has alot of explaining to do. If those emails are being despatched and he's declaring all those factors i'm afraid it may no longer be in basic terms emails. someone would not in basic terms e mail their coworker all the surprising asking them to positioned on a touch black dress. the female coworker definetely has something occurring with him outdoors of emails. deliver it up, and if he's protecting and rude about it and in basic terms avoids the concern you want to positioned your foot down. You made your vows and he's damaged them, it is a intense matter and he desires to step as a lot because the plate both get councelling or end the marriage. end of tale I desire you the finest of success, and do not sense in charge for "snooping" he's your husband

Answer 6

Yep, you're right, its a no-brainer. If he thought it was all okay, he wouldn't have been hiding it. Whether he is physical or not is not really the issue for me. The issue is that he is looking outside the marriage for friendship. YOU are supposed to be his best friend, his soft place to fall. If SHE is, there is a BIG problem. If the roles were reversed, he'd be just as upset as you are. Yeah, its cheating, period, no question about it. I totally back you on this one. That kind of behavior is not the kind two people in love in a committed relationship participate in. No way, no how. Call him on the carpet or kick him to the curb, but that crap needs to STOP.

Answer 7

Here is what you do to put your mind at ease. If you have access to his IM login and pretend to be him one day. If it will be too dificult for you to do, then have your best friend do it for you from her house that way you can never be suspected.

Start a normal conversation with her, and see where it goes. Suggest meeting for dinner by saying that you (the wife) will be going out of town. If nothing is going on, the co-worker will be alarmed at the thought of him trying to do something behind your back.

Just remember, she may NOT be doing anything with him, because she is aware that he is married. However, he may feel the need to keep the secrecy because of where HE would like the friendship to go.

Answer 8

First off, the answer before mine, the one where the girl says she must not be taking care of his needs? You know, I really don't expect that from another lady. UNLESS, she's the type who would mess around with a married man.

Yes, it is a form of cheating, in my opinion. The sneaking and all? Definitely not right. Question is, what are you going to do about it?

Answer 9

Anytime one is married and does what you say he is
doing then no matter what he is definately cheating and
dis-respecting you. Since you have been married for 10
years and if you want to try to save ur marriage, then you
need to confront him. Tell him he needs to stop what he
is doing and for him to tell the co-worker the same. If
he still wants to continue his conversations with her then
you need to think about maybe seperating from him and
make it clear to him what you expect from him if he still
expects you to come back: Time will tell if he is still faith-
ful to you and only you and if you see that it is not going
anywhere then you have no alternative but to put in for
a divorce. Communicate seriously with him; tell him what
you expect; give it some time; and if all fails then you have
no other choice. Good luck.

Answer 10

It is cheating if he is having an emotional affair with another woman. If he is doing something he has to hide, its wrong. If you are uncomfortable with his relationship with this other woman, and he won't stop it, that is bad bacause he has is not respecting your feelings in your relationship and your marriage. You have to have trust to make a marriage work, without that you have nothing. Emotional affairs can be just as damaging as physical ones, maybe more so.

Answer 11

All right, if he does it secretly and hides it from you, there more to it than friendship. Why would he feel the need to hide a friendship?
Don't know if I could call it cheating, but its not in your or his best interest.