HELP! am i a bad friend??

Question

Okay so only serious answers please. I am very depressed i have no one to talk 2 about this. my only friend who is my best friend and my other friend like eachother. I liked her and she likes my friend he told her that he cant go out with her cuz of me (which he made on his own becuz he didnt want to ruin our friendship) and now the girl called me and said that i ruiined her life and she hates me. I am very hurt and i only want my friends to be happy and i no i they went out i wud be very hurt and i cant say how i wud react. My best friend who i am really close with i dont want to lose him as a friend and i dont no wat to do? sudi just let them go out and be miserabe as i am already depressed cuz everything has gone wrong in my life and this friendship was the only thing that made me go thro each day. he had alot of trouble decideding wat to do which suprisied me cuz we were such gud friends and i wud never do that to him. help

Answer 1

if u are in high school/middle school, then this isn't as big of a deal as you think. You have a couple of choices. you could let your friend date the girl. chances are they won't last long anyways. if you're cool with it, then he'll be cool with it. she is angry because she likes hima and never thought of you that way. it's hard because she was shot down after she built up enough courage to admit that she likes him, which girls don't do very often. Girls have a saying of "chicks before *****," and guys say "bro's before ho's," so which is more important to you? your male friend who, after thinking about it, chose you, or the girl who "hates you" because she can't get the boy she wants. you may like her, but obviously she's not into you (and i mean that as both a friend way and a gf way). Maybe she'll cool down and think about it instead of acting irrationally, and maybe she won't. right now, she's not being a very good friend. it's not wrong to think of people's feelings before making a decision. don't be so hard on him, and let her go for awhile.

Answer 2

Hi!!

First off, if you did not tell your friend that he/she could not go out with that girl because of you, then he/she had absolutely no right to say that you did. That's very dishonest and it put you in a bad position. Personally, when that girl would have called me and said that you ruined her life (which I think is a bit over-dramatic of her), I would have told the truth. You never told your best friend that he/she could not date her.

Does your friend know that you like this girl as well? If not, talk to him about it. Let the girl decide who she likes best and if she ends up choosing that you are a more compatible match, then you two can date. If she chooses that your best friend is a more compatible match, then she can date him. This is a really hard situation because love/sex often breaks up friendships... but it doesn't have to! :)

Also, if your best friend is really a true friend, you won't lose him over a girl. True friends would not do that to each other. If you do end up losing him, then he wasn't a good friend to begin with, was he?

I recommend learning to love yourself before you ever begin to love another. In fact, you can't love another until you love yourself. You will have a hard time accepting the love from another because you yourself do not feel that way about yourself. You need to learn how to make yourself happy and not depend on others to do that for you. Friendship is a wonderful thing but don't become so dependant on it that you fall apart when you cut the ties with someone. This all comes with life experience though.

I do not think you are a bad friend but I do think you are being very unfair to yourself. Also, try to be happy for your friend if the girl chooses him. Would you want him to be happy for you? I also recommend lots of communication with both the girl and your friend during this time. Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

O-k, I want you to think about something.What is it that you did wrong? Nothing! You did tell him to do or not do something so how is it your fault? This girl that you are calling a friend that says you ruined her life is an obvious fool cause she wants to blame something on you that was basic good friend ethics.He is friends with you and her and you are friends with both.What you all need to realize is just cause you like someone in a more than friends way doesn't mean that its the right choice to make them that.There are plenty of fish in the sea.For her,for you, and for him! Let it go be his friend he will be yours and if that other girl ever gets her head out of her ***, she can be friends with you guys too.And you all go out and find your own "fair game partner" Believe me,in no time at all you will have feelings for someone else and this whole thing will be water under the bridge.

Answer 4

Tell your best friend how you feel. But as far has the girl goes she likes him so it would be crazy to keep them apart because she doesn't want to be with you give them your blessing to date who knows it may turn out for the best for you.

Answer 5

First: your guy friend is a good friend. That was a noble thing to do, especially without talking with you first. Good guy. Sure he's confused about what to do; you're a good friend, but he's pumped full of hormones and has an opportunity to get laid. The WORLD'S BEST friendship at this age would collapse under that kind of pressure, so that he's even conflicted about it is a huge compliment to you and the friendship you both have.

Second: your girl friend is not a good friend. For all she knows, your guy friend rejected her because he didn't like her, and used you as an excuse. So she's upset because she was rejected, and she's feeling embarrased, and has decided to blame you so that she doesn't have to feel bad about herself. After all, you didn't do *anything*; she just has to believe that you did *something* so that she can blame someone.

Here's what I would do, if I were you:

#1: first, thank your guy friend for being such a good friend. Then tell him "I like her, but she doesn't want to date me, so why should I get in the way of the two of you? Go ahead and date her, have a great time -- but realize I won't want to hang out with both of you, just with you alone. It's not because I still want to date her, it's because she treated me like crap over this, and I don't hang out with people who treat me like crap. If that means we won't hang out much, that's fine, so long as we're still friends, because I really respect what you did."

#2: live up to what you just said to him. If they start dating and try to insist that you all hang out together, you might have to move on and get new friends, or you might have to get over it and hang out with them, but that's up to you to decide.

#3: if she tries to make nicey-nice with you, tell her not to bother. Don't get emotionally worked up or anything; in fact, be bored about it. Just say "look, I didn't tell him to turn you down, and you treated me like crap over this. We're never going to date, and you're a terrible friend, so why pretend otherwise? [guy friend] was a real stand-up person through all this, but you weren't -- if you wanted my friendship so badly, you should have treated me better."

#4: if she tries to keep your friend from seeing you, tell your friend (not her) "look, that's fine; you decide which of us is more important to you. I would never try to keep you away from her, but she wants to keep you away from me; I don't think that a nice person would do something like that, but you decide, and I'll understand, because dude, I want to get laid just as much as the next guy, and love can be a powerful thing."

#5: whether it's #3 or #4, stick to your guns and find other people to hang out with; the world's full of 'em.

Answer 6

You know what go up to that boy and tell him to SCRE OFF ure friend and Make him admit he made it up or just try to exsplain

Answer 7

Never surrender yourself to anyone. It's one thing to help, but they don't like your offer, even if it will help them, they have the problem and not you. Try not to get absorbed in "fixing" siuations. It's time you thought about YOU.

Answer 8

ur a good friend.....tell ur other friend that u like her and let the other friend go out with the girl....if that even makes sense...next time, use names

Answer 9

u rnt a bad friend. the girls just really upset, but she'll get over it. its always good to have friends, so try makin some new ones too :)

Answer 10

let him know how you feel and do the same with the girl .....but if they want to go out then let them but if they do then you'll know if hes really your friend or not