I don't know what to say.?

Question

My friend's mother commited suicide. When i see him again what should i do or say to make him feel better. im going to see him on Sunday. Please help because i don't want to hurt him by saying the wrong thing.

on suday i will be going to the WAKE

Answer 1

Best thing- be there, and be there for him. If he wants a hug, give it to him, it ain't gay to console another human, especially one you are friends with. Just the usual "I'm sorry for your loss" or "hey guy, if you need me, I am always here for you" will help. And be there--after the funeral, especially the next few days. If there are several guys that are friends with him, call them up and tell them to toe the line, be ready to hang out with him if he needs it, or to let him have his own space. Most importantly, let him talk when he wants to talk. Getting this grief out will take a lot of time, but good friends have the time to listen.

Answer 2

I was in a similar situation once. I told my friend I was very sorry for her loss and I never mentioned it again. I felt by mentioning it, I would be reminding her of something sad when she might not have wanted to dwell over it. I assumed that if she wanted to talk about it, she would bring it up..
Months later she and I had an argument and one of the things she brought up was my ignoring of the suicide of her mother.
I felt terrible and I explained that I didn't know how to react after the initial apology for her loss, and that I didn't want to remind her of it when she seemed to be doing ok.
What she told me was that it was more painful when people ignored the issue because it felt like everyone else was moving on and she was stuck. She felt that no one cared by not saying anything. She advised me that if I ever have to console someone again over a death, that I should ask if they are ok from time to time. The person should gently be told that you are thinking of them and ask how they are coping, and encouraged to talk about it if they need to.
Of course, a card of sympathy is always appreciated and usually tucked away by the person who received it.

Good luck and stay strong for your friend...

Answer 3

The best thing you can do is be a good friend and talk to him. Lots of people might not talk to him because they don't know what to say, but that only will make him feel lonelier. Tell hijm that you're sorry about what happened and that you'll talk to him about anything he wants to talk about whenever he wants to. I don't agree about not mentioning his mom - he might want to talk to someone about her. If you knew her well, saying something nice about how your remember her would be good. But whatever you do, please don't avoid him. He needs his friends right now.

Answer 4

Just tell him " dude i'm sorry that u have to go through this, but **** happens. Your mom will protect and take care of you from heaven, she'll be your angel now". Just be supportive, spend a lot of time with him, he'll probably feel alone, and there's nothing better than having a buddie being there in their time of need.

Answer 5

I feel for you, this is not an easy situation to be in... and I think its so great that you care to ask this question, that you care to reflect on how you can help your friend.

Your friend probably mainly needs you to be there. Just be there, and listen when he wants to talk, and be silent with him, sharing the awareness that this is too big for words... just be there, allowing what is. Your caring feelings - your friend will be able to sense them and therefore will not feel alone in his pain. And that will make the pain a lot easier to bear.

When you speak about his mom, don't be afraid to call her his mom, no need to avoid speaking about her directly. People tend to avoid that due to feeling awkward and not knowing how to deal with it, but your friend will feel less alone if you are able to speak openly.

If he doesn't want to speak about her, if he brings up some small talk or everyday things, let that be, too. Don't force anything upon him. He will know best what he needs, and you can be there and go along with him.

You can tell him you feel for him and that you want to be there for him.
You can ask him whether there is something you can do for him.

I would NOT try to console him by saying anything to the effect of "it isn't that bad" or "it will be alright" because it IS bad and I think what he needs is just someone to understand and support him and most of all allow things to be as they are. Because the pain of losing a loved one is bad enough as it is, and I don't think its a good idea to add the burden of having to hide that pain, or of having to pretend it isn't as bad as it really is, just to fulfill outside expectations. I think its too much to expect that you can say something that will make him feel better. I think people wanting him to feel better may just add to the burden because such a short time after her death is probably not the time to really feel better yet. Its so important to have someone who will share the pain, and allow it to be. Sorry, I'm repeating myself, I know.

Also, I would not try to give any advice on how to feel better because only he himself will know exactly how he really feels and what he really needs.

So in summary: Be there, share his pain or whatever he wants to share in whichever way he indicates, make him feel that he is not alone. No need to say much at all. You could tell him that you are here for him and that you care and feel for him. But mainly just being there and caring gives the most important, most needed message. Thank you for doing that!


P.S. When my grandmother passed away (the first person I was really close to that passed away), a friend told me that she lives on in my heart. Of all the things people said to me, this idea was the most consoling to me. I also appreciated people saying what a wonderful person she had been. I also understood for the first time why it is important to express feelings of compassion ("I feel for you") at funerals. I really appreciated anyone who seemed to be with me in the pain I was feeling over the loss. It made me feel like I was not alone, and so it was much easier to take.

Answer 6

Don't say anything at all. Well I wouldn't, if he wants to talk about it he will bring it up. Sometimes it can bring back a lot of emotions and you don't wanna do that. He will talk to you about it if he really needs to..

Answer 7

Dont mention her! Just be like,"I'm sorry about what happened, if u need anything, let me know." Then like a second later, be like,"What do u wanna do?"

Answer 8

just say u are sorry and if she/he wants to talk about it they can. otherwise bring up like some school gossip...