My son is 13 and is being verbally bullied--going to the school is useless.?

Question

Over the years I spent a lot of time fighting for my son at school. They (principal/teachers) blame him too because he calls them names back. The name calling only goes so far, because the bullies still don't stop, it fuels them. For example: My son walks into class, a girl or guy will say look at fat ***. My son retorts with "Look at you!" Then from there the name calling gets hotter and hotter until the bullies have a group calling my son names. My son then gives up--feeling defeated. Then the girl or boy that started the name calling tells the teacher that my son is calling her/him names. The teacher in returns scolds my son and the bullies win!
I don't have the faintest idea what to do about this other than counseling? I want to beat the hell out of everyone bothering my child--I wanna go to school for him and take the pain away from him. However I can't , I have cried and worried and literally gotten sick from all this. How can the bullies have this much leverage?

Answer 1

You're not a failure of a mother.The only thing I can suggest is transfering him to another school that you feel a little more confident of.Or you can try home schooling him.I recomend just transfering him but it's totally up to you.You also need to talk to your son.Let him know that all the things the buyllies call him is not true.I truly recomend you get your son some karate lessons bcause your sons 13 and about to be going to highschool and there there will not be verbal abuse it's all PHISICAL!!!!Also get your sons opinion but YOU have the final word.Good Luck***

Answer 2

The first guy to answer this is an ***. You are not a failure as a mother! Good god!
It sucks that your son has to go through this, but it's part of growing up. The best cure to something like this is ignoring the bullies. They will give up after a while if they notice that the kid is not playing their game. Or, if he is confident enough, when someone calls him a name, he can reply with "Yes, and? Your point?" This is sure to throw off the bullies. And you have to stop stressing, because you've already done all that you could do. And if that doesn't work, then move to another school.

Answer 3

Tell your son to ignore, as hard as it might be, all of the bullies. Eventually, they will get bored of getting ignored and not making him angry and they will stop.

Answer 4

As a teacher, allow me to share this with you...when your son gets on the bus or walks through the doors of his school, you are entrusting the school to educate your son in a safe, non-threatening environment. I will also tell you that there are many times when my students are trash talking, but not loud enough for me to hear, which could be the case in your son's situation. In order for me to take action against a student, I have to witness/hear the alleged abuse. None the less, if you believe your son is being totally honest with you, you must take action. Start with his teacher. Call or meet with her and explain your concerns and ask her to please deal with the situation when it arises, promptly. If that doesn't work, then you go to the principal and do the same thing...stay with the chain of command. As a parent you have rights and if you have to go in that school every day and raise holy hell, then do it. Bullying should never be tolerated! Threaten to get a lawyer, call the newspaper, whatever you need to do. It may sound extreme, but if something isn't done, this could cause irreparable damage to your son.
Good Luck to you!

Answer 5

Put yourself in the teacher's situation -- you walk in, and it's all "he says, she says," blah blah blah. The teacher will not always be there to deal with the situation -- and neither will you. That is a fact that you will just have to fact. 13 years old is plenty old enough for your son to learn to deal with these issues on his own. He doesn't need a referee, he needs coping skills.

Oftentimes the "bullies" in the class are the ones that are hurting internally, and are trying make themselves look/feel better by making others look/feel worse. Read up on some of the research that's been done, it's amazing.
Instead of accusing the teacher/school, talk with them about suggestions for coping skills for your son -- things that he can do to dissolve the situation, instead of escalating it. They may be able to recommend appropriate books, articles, or even seminars or classes which you or your son could attend to help him deal with these people.

Bullies don't exist just in middle school. People deal with bully bosses, relatives, and others constantly. Most people, however, by the time they are adults, have learned skills to cope with this negativity directed at them, and dissolve the situation before it becomes a bigger problem.

Good luck to you and your son.

Answer 6

I know that this will be hard, but what fuels their retorting back is him saying something to them. The next time that someone says something to your son tell him to just ignore them, and not say anything back. I know it will be hard, and it may not work the first time, but kids get bored of someone that won't talk back, so then they'll stop. My son gets picked on too, and I always tell him to be the better person and don't give in to what they want. I feel sorry for the kids that feel that they have to pick on others to try and make themselves look better. It just makes them look worse. My son is 12.

Answer 7

tell the principle. also, if he has multiple classes ask the counselor to change his schedule, and if its one or two classes just take him out of the class. if he cant get out of the class, ask the teacher to watch what the other kids do when your son walks into class. and tell your son not to say anything back that's rude. have your son tell them in a nice tone of voice, "i don't appreciate what you are telling me. its rude and it hurts me because i am not doing anything to you. can you please stop?" but if they don't stop, you may want to move your son to a different school where he'll get along with others, I'm sorry if it sounds rude, but it just might help. keep on with the counseling and ask the counselor he's going to for some advice, that is also part of their job.

Answer 8

By him calling names back-- that is adding fuel to the fire. This makes your son just as guilty as the others.

My suggestion would be counseling. Your son needs to learn strategies in dealing with this. If he is being harrassed then he needs to handle it in such a manner. He needs to ask them to stop (he needs to stop, too), ask that this be witnessed by an adult and documented. After that--- provided that he doesn't keep this going, you then have leverage.

Perhaps a mediation between your son and this group of kids may be required,

Answer 9

Your son just needs to ignore these foolish kids.
When they tell him this tell him to just smile and say something nice.
this really tears a bullier up and turns their attitude around.
your son can be the real hero and give these kids an attitude adjustment.
Tell your son, the ones calling him fatso usually grow up to be
a whole lot fatter than he is.
And he will probably be in shape.
Tell him to enjoy these school years and let no one get his mental powers.
Tell him the kids are negative and need positive attributes.
Dont u get discourage either, this will all blow over once an
attitude adjustment is established.

Answer 10

Well by the looks of it he must be over weight right? If so, what do you expect, kids are like pack animals they look for a weakness and prey on that, it helps their own lacking self esteem to be part of a group and blending in and picking on the weak. This will continue the rest of his life, and you need to stay out of it and let him fight his own battles. Where is his Dad in all this? He would be teaching him to knock out the next little wimp that says one word to him, and after that you can bet they would all keep their mouths shut! Wound't you?