she has no etiquette or she felt she is still the wife?

Question

my husband's ex-wife had a car accident.she was fine but the car was totally wrecked. She called my husband's cellphone at 6am just to ask if she is still a member of AAA Auto Club to tow her car from her house to the auto shop (she was under my husband's membership since i still dont know how to drive). I was the one who woke up not my husband - so I turned the ringtone off. She left a message regarding her car. She is out of the line already. she was just asking about AAA - i dont mind if it is emergency but her question can wait until 8am (the time my husband goes work) she called 10 times. I told my husband to tell her that not to do that - she is waking up people - she doesnt have an etiquette or she thinks she still have to power to do anything even if she is not the present wife anymore. I was pissed more coz my husband just told her she is not a member of AAA only. He didnt told her not to do again to call early in the morning for nonsense thing. Cars can wait.What do you think

why my husband didnt tell her not to call again in inappropriate time except if there will be emergency for the kids concern only? I was pissed coz my baby was crying and at that time i am about to fall asleep and she called - OH GOD!!! I was really mad!!! So, i told my husband if she calls again - I WILL REALLY PICK UP THE PHONE AND TELL HER!! am i right? she is a mean person and she must see to it she will get what she wants. my husband gives in all the time coz he is always threaten by his ex-wife's statement - not to see the kids, etc. I told him, well, you let her allow to that that is why she is confident to do it coz you show it to her you are scared. he said, its not true. I dont know - thats what i see and feel.

FYI: the car has been towed in their house the night before she called - and she is at home very safe.

Answer 1

yes the ex wife knows he has control over him using the kids as pon and the husband is weak in this case and lacks back bone for sure. when you said....my husband gives in all the time coz he is always threaten by his ex-wife's statement - not to see the kids, etc. I told him, well, you let her allow to that that is why she is confident to do it coz you show it to her you are scared. he said, its not true. You hit the nail on the head. but your husband is the one that has to stand up to her and its not going to happen I bet you any amount of money. he's weak in that area. so this will drive you nuts in the future. and the ex wife will continue on as she knows what he's like. and as long as he allows this to continue he'll always have to bow down to her in this way.

To bad wish he was stronger in that department and not so whimpy. he can still see the kids without her threatening him thats mean pool from her side. and he must feel weak as a man for letting this happen. and it must be a big turn off for you to see him act this way.

Answer 2

First: you say "cars can wait", but after a signficant accident you'll have two things going on...

#1: the car might be parked illegally and unable to move, or blocking traffic, or otherwise in a place where it cannot remain for long;

#2: the police on the scene might be telling her she has to move the car right away, because it is a hazard, and if she doesn't move it herself (via tow truck) they'll tow it to impound.

So, time is actually of the essence in a situation like this. Also, after an accident a person is generally in shock for a few hours, even if they weren't injured -- I can tell you this from personal experience -- so she's not thinking of the time, she's just thinking "oh crap I just had an accident what do I do I have to move the car what should I do I should call AAA am I even still a member crap I have to call someone!"

In other words, cut the woman some slack. You may think it's rude to be woken early by a request like this, but I think it's petty and childish to not only get worked up about it, but to shut the ringer off. Honestly, it would have taken a few seconds to answer the question and he could have gone back to bed.

That's what I think. Next time, take a moment to put yourself in her shoes, and see how you feel about it -- and show a little compassion. It's not like she was calling to harass him or ask him for money.

Answer 3

I understand how being up with a baby and losing sleep it would make you angry to be bothered with this at a time that was inappropriate for you. But it sounds to me more like there are jealousy issues there - are you bothered that he helps his ex? Doesn't he do even more for you and what he is doing for her is probably for the children - it did sound like he has children with him. After all if she doesn't have a car, the kids can't get where they need to be. Yes, she does need to stop using the kids as a pawn to manipulate him - put she shouldn't have to use them if he was willing to do stuff for her to benefit his kids. Maybe he is afraid of her and maybe he isn't, but legally he has custodial rights unless he did something extreme that she can hold over him. You should be happy you got such a nice guy and you did know he had baggage when you married him. It is tough to cut ties with exes when there are children involved. Just take a deep breath and hang in there. You are better off not getting involved in their relationship other than to suggest boundaries in a nice manner and point out how much it would mean to you to be shown that respect / consideration. Maybe she did need the car asap to get the kids where they need to go or was afraid she wouldn't be able to contact your husband before he went to work once she started the morning routine with her kids. Maybe suggest a compromise that she call once, leave a message and he will get back to her as soon as he is able.

Answer 4

Depending on where the accident occurred she might have had to have her car towed immediately, so she needed to know right away whether to call AAA. Granted, 10 calls was too many, but she was probably upset about the wreck and tow trucks show up like vultures and they were probably pressuring her to decide whether to let them tow the car. Tow jobs can be expensive, so I think you should cut her some slack this time.

Answer 5

I would have responded the same way you did I mean come on if its not a emergency then why call 10 times.I would be doing some talking to your hubby and be like ya know I 'm your wife now not her you need to grow some u know whats and tell her that nonsense calls 10 times is out of line.

Answer 6

Accidents can not wait. Insurance companies write in their contracts that the insured will notify them immediately of an accident, so that they can come out and take pictures and interview people. AAA, I am a member, is free towing. IF AAA doesn't come, the law enforcement has the car towed to a lot and they charge you, a lot, for that tow.

Etiquette is etiquette, you are just jealous and defensive, and...you owe her for any towing bills she gets from this.

No star for you.

Answer 7

Chill. This woman had her car completely wrecked and I'm sure the police wanted her to get it off the road. It had to be towed RIGHT THEN, most likely. She needed to know if she had AAA because if she did, she would need to arrange the towtruck through them. I think it was an important question, important enough to warrant a 6:00 a.m. phone call. If you had just answered it, she wouldn't have called ten times.

Answer 8

you are between a rock and a hard place.YOu need to not draw a line in the sand and make your husband feel totally stressed. And she needs to stop calling him. I would say to calm down. YOur husband knows she is a pain and a bother or he wouldn't of divorced her.
Yes she still seems to have power. You can't change her....but you can change how you react to her.

Think about this....insteaded of you riding your husband. how would he feel if you took his said and took his hand and say something like this........"Honey, I know how hard it must be for you to have her contact you like this and how very difficult it must be when she threatens to not let you see the kids. This must tear you apart" This man will think you are the most wondeful understanding man on the planet. He will think you are his safe place. His rock. If you nag him, he will just pull away from you.

After you are understanding say something like this....

Answer 9

"Oh what a Tangled Web WE Weave, When WE Practice to Deceive!" Once said a wise person!

THE PROBLEM is your HUSBAND!

IT Appears that the Divorce was "ON PAPER ONLY?"

Right off hand, I can guess that the DIVORCE IS NOT THREE YEARS "OLD?"

And you married him, HOW SOON AFTER THE DIVORCE? ? ?

YOUR HUSBAND, must make the DECISION TO PUT A END TO THIS HARASSMENT BY HIS "X-Wife!"

Her continued CALLING is Not RIGHT!

ONLY = HE = can put an end to this UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION!

I do not condemn you, nor do I approve of your situation. OFTEN, Adults make decisions, without THINKING THE WHOLE SITUATION THROUGH!

One last thing I will leave with you? GOD NEVER INTENDED "DIVORCE!" Matter of Fact, HE Hates Divorce, see Malachi 2:14-16, The BIBLE! You might also see Mark 10:11-12 and see what you did? ? ?

Thanks, RR

Answer 10

You are a lucky person if this is the worst problem facing you now. The fact is, it is not a problem. You just view it as one. Let some things slide off your back. And, examine your feelings about his ex-wife. Do you have issues with her? If so, better work through them or it could be a rocky road.