Should I trust my husband?

Question

I have been married for just over a year and two days ago I accidentally opened an email in my husbands account. It contained an email thread between him and one of his work friends (a 21 year old girl).

It went something like this:

Him: I missed you silly!
Her: Oh ,how much?
Him: This much! <------------------------->
Her: That's not enough. :-)
Him. Ok, this much!!!! <------------------------------------------------------------------->.
Her: I don't like it when you're not at work babe
etc...

He wouldn't show me the rest of the email until I threatened to leave him. He forwarded it to me...but I can't help but think he cut out all the naughty bits.

He swears that there is nothing going on between them except a friendship, but I am so paranoid - and am having a hard time trusting him.

Should I trust him - or try and break into his mobile and email addresses to find out the truth??

~Confused :-(

Answer 1

Sounds like he's having, or about to embark upon, an affair. Stop being naive.

Answer 2

They really fancy each other.

You need to come to terms with the fact that they may have even had sex.

don't torture yourself anymore. Tell your husband you want some time apart. Ask him to move out of the house. He will either beg for your forgiveness or pack his things and go. If he packs and goes you know to start divorce proceedings, if he stays warn him sternly that he should end this 'friendship' with this girl. Tell him that if you find out that their 'friendship' is anything other than professional, you will divorce him because you cannot and will not go through a marriage without trust.

As for your wellbeing: try not to let this discovery rule your life. Afterall, whatever will be will be and if he is going to cheat or leave you for someone else, it will happen. Concentrate on enjoying your life and remember jealousy ruins it. Hopefully your husband can gain your trust again but it will take a little while.

Answer 3

Maybe he was just being silly and nothing was going on; Or maybe something is definitely going on, which sounds more like it, and in fact he's not really into the girl. Just wants to have sex with her but likes the safety of his marriage.
So, it's up to you.
Either you think he's worth being given a second chance provided none of this nonsense ever happens again, or you get out of the marriage because he was unfaithful.
Depends on how much damage this has caused.
Can you ever trust him again?
Can you forgive him?
If you keep him, will you be able to go on and let bygone be?
See how you can answer those questions and hopefully they should give you an idea of what might be in your best interest to do.
Good luck.xx

Answer 4

First: you didn't "accidentally" open his email, you opened it, period. You were snooping, and you found something you didn't like -- so now you have to deal with it.

Second: it is entirely possible that they're having an affair. It is also possible that he and she are both married, and both tease each other like this because it's fun, harmless and safe.

Third: a man who is having an affair would probably have gone to greater lengths to keep his email private; on the other hand, a man who isn't having an affair would probably have said "yeah, read the email, it's no big deal" or even "here's her number, call her and ask her anything you want" -- total transparency. Of course, he might be reluctant to be so open because he resents your snooping, and figures if you're not going to trust him he doesn't have to be open with you. It could really go either way.

You don't need to break into his mobile and email addresses -- that would be ridiculous. You need to sit down with him, apologize for snooping, and let him know that if he feels like he needs to cheat -- even if he hasn't cheated -- he should talk to you, because your marriage is important enough (and he's important enough to you!) that you're sure you can work it out.

Then, keep an eye on his behavior and go with your gut.

Answer 5

I have always been a flirt, but I don't remember telling another woman that I missed her (------------------------) this much. I worked at a place that women outnumbered men 8 to 1 and although there might be occasional banter, I don't ever remember anything like this exchange happening, because I think I would know what was on the woman's mind if she said it. I certainly wouldn't trust her. And as much as I hate to say it, there is NO way this is harmless because it has already caused a rift that may never be fixed....so here is my advice. Tell your husband that you think something is going on, and you are trying to come to some decision about what to do about it. Ask him what he would do if he read the same dialog between you and another man, and last, don't let him cop out, but if you love him and want to keep him. stay firm about telling him that you are trying to keep this from ruining your relationship, but don't force an answer from him that you don't want to hear... In other words let him have the benefit of the doubt, but not for a while. Hopefully if something did take place, your "deciding time" will scare him enough that he will never do it again... fool around OR flirt with someone and cause you pain.... and there is the risks that if you carry it too far and he is innocent of an affair........
BUT he is guilty of hurting your relationship...conversations that should be carried on between a man and his wife....
Tell him you don't want to ever read or hear anything about this woman again. You want him to write her and email tonight and send it to her telling her what he has done to the two of you and the email be clearly written so there will be no communication between the two of them that is no related to business and you want to read the email before he sends it.... If what I think happened did happen, I don't want it to ever happen to the two of you again and I do want your marriage to work and be a happy one, and the only way that can happen is for you to be persuaded that he is not interested in this woman in any way... the email will do that
Good luck and I hope things work out for you...

Answer 6

You didn't say how old you guys are but friends with a 21 year old girl?
Who calls him babe?
c'mon now--I am sorry but there is something going on or very close to going on--that was interrupted by you-- and not him.
If I was in your shoes I would trust my instincts and tell him that a 21 year old female has no reason to be emailing/IM ing him and he needs to stop. Period. Then I would find out who this girl is and let HER know who you are--a force to be reckoned with--if need be.
Your husband needs to come clean--he is not being honest. If my husband was asking a young girl at work "how much did you miss me", and "thats not enough", etc etc, there would be a huge problem

Answer 7

#1 YES break into his mobile and get the dirt, that way you will KNOW EXACTLY whats going on. In other circumstances it would be wrong to invade his privacy but not in this circumstance.

#2 NO you shouldn't trust him since he apparently broke your trust by you finding that email.

#3 He is your wife and shouldn't keep things from you. If that was an innocent email he would have let you seen ALL of it.

#4 Keep your eyes and ears open! You have the right to be suspicious.

Answer 8

It's definitely suspicious. He wouldn't show you the rest of the email, but then he forwarded it to you. That would have given him the opportunity to alter the email as you suspect.

It is obvious that they were flirting with each other and that is inappropriate for people who work together, and when he is married. He may not have done anything with her, but he has opened a door by flirting. And he has disrespected you by not showing you the email.

I wouldn't break into his mobile or his email because that just shows that you can't trust him. Ask him to show you his email addresses and see how he responds. But if you feel the need to snoop on your own, then go ahead. Just be prepared for the worst just in case.

There is obviously a problem of trust, honesty and communication. You both need to work on these or your marriage could be at risk. Good luck.

Answer 9

I wonder how much you trusted him before you accidentally opened the email. You'll know if things are wrong between you. How much do you want him? If you think he's worth it, then make an effort to be all the things he loves. If he's going to play around, he's more likely to do it while you're being angry and suspicious. Would be interesting to know how he'd have reacted if he'd found an email of yours like that. I figure that if men are going to play around, they'll do it, but are less likely to if they're happy. Good luck and do whats best for you

Answer 10

I would strongly recommend not to trust him. And I feel bad to have to say it because I always try to give hate benefit of the doubt. I would definitely consider that conversation very flirty. If they are flirting like tha tin a simple on-line conversation then I could only imagine what they are doing off the computer. It is a coworker and someone he sees everyday, not to mention a young girl. That seems to spell trouble. If there was nothing to hide he would have just showed it to you. Threats would not have been necessary.

But in the end. Go with your gut. If you think something's going on, then tell him to hit the road. It's not worth it to be in a relationship where you always need to be worrying.

Answer 11

This is a tough one I mean he should not be having conversations with other women that sound like that.I could understand if it was a family member and he was saying he missed them. I would not go as far as invading his personal phone and all that cause that could come back to bite u in the butt.You have to a little subtle tell him that the email made you feel paranoid and all that see how he reacts if you say you don't think that he should talk to another women like that.I mean ur married and all there's is certain lines u do not cross.I wish I could say trust him and all that jazz but ultimately its up to you and what you feel in your heart.I wish you luck.