He cheated on me a long time, I didn't know. We were married 23 yrs. The lies, betrayal, stealing money from out household account to spend on her, the thing is he said its all my fault, because I was so controling and insecure, a manipulator. Well how can I be those things if I didn't know, wouldn't I have been over his shoulder not allowing him to do stuff without me if I didn't trust him? I'm not saying I am perfect gosh no, but the reasons he has given are so far from the truth. They met online and she knows he's married, doesn't care though. She has harrassed me by phone, email, letters, he doesn't believe its her, she's not that type of person because she didn't sign her name, but the calls are from her phone in Canada and she lives alone. Her faimly doesnt know hes still married, she would be to embarassed to tell them but she demanded for everyone here to know. He has seen the phone bills and still doesnt believe. I dont want him, the type of person I am, I care for him still.
2007-01-19 11:16:06 · 20 answers · asked by Sassy D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What do I do? about her? He wants me in his life and wants to be friends with me, he said he will always love me and he shows he cares about me but at the same time tells me its all my fault? I do care about him and love him still, Not IN LOVE, I do not want him back either, I have forgiven him but I will never forget what he's done, it crushed me for a long while. But I do not throw it in his face, I want to move on but he is making it very hard at times. I would like him to remain in my life but at the same time it hurts to have him in my life. What do you all suggest? She is just a mean uncaring person and has no respect for other peoples families. I have seen a picture to of her and she's not all that. Why is it ok to humiliate me and my family but it would be to devestating for hers to know, she would feel cheap and humiliated. What do I do about her?
2007-01-19 11:24:58 · update #1
don't be friends with him, we must give up all people and attachments to them if we really expect to get over them. how convienant it is to lay all of the blame onto u, so to avoid having to take any responsibility. so now u are not only hurt about loosing him, but he is placing the entire blame onto u, when u really had nothing much to do with it, as it was his choice, his doing. don't let it affect your self concept or self worth, don't take the blame, she is harrassing u as she feels threatened by u. best to move away if u can, don't be his friend, he only wants to be friends, and not burn his bridges, incase one day if it doen't work out, and he needs a place to be. i would not forget what a deceitful cruel thing he did, or be friends, he is no friend of yours. avoid these two creeps, this is not about u, or anything u have done, don't believe what he is saying to u, that u caused all this, he did. got to cut all ties with a person we are trying to get over.
2007-01-20 04:56:36 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, to most this would just seem like venting. And hey! you may even deserve to blow off a little steam. However, I think you want to know if you should stay friends or just try to let him fade away into oblivion. I can see that you believe (and rightly so) that once a guy cheats he will always cheat. Even using you as someone to cheat with. So what to do? You may have kids, but at this length of marriage they are probably grown and gone. So staying cordial for the kids is not necessary. Your last sentence shows your confusion though. "Don't want him, but still care for him" Listen, do this just for the time being. During the divorce, don't get buddy, buddy! Be professional. Keep him away from friendship till one month after the divorce. Once this time arrives you will be much more focused and can make your decisions with the wisdom you surely have.
2007-01-19 11:36:29 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The request regarding his girlfriend seems like a waste of YOUR money to have your attorney draw up such a stipulation which will likely either get ignored by your ex or thrown out by the judge. If HE does not want her around his own child then he should not bring her . . . sounds as if HE is looking for grounds to NOT have visitation of his own child. It is common to put in divorce decrees that boyfriends/girlfriends are not allowed overnight stays which the child is around . . . but to ban the person all together is uncommon unless they have a criminal record. What is your ex and his girlfriend marry, does her divorce decree mean that she may never have her husband and children in the same place? Sorry, but if their divorce is messy there is no reason you must follow in their footsteps. Do what is in the best interest of your child, which is not putting restrictions on visitation.
2016-03-29 05:20:32 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard since you both were married for so long but your husband is a two timing loser and he lost all friendship rights when he cheated on you and threw away his marriage. He's an adulterer and his gf is a homewrecking tramp. Be done with the both of them. Make sure his cheating and this woman are brought up in the divorce so that you can get everything you are entitled to. Get the house, cars, money, kids...whatever you want. I don't mean to sound spiteful but these kind of men are disgusting.
2007-01-19 11:29:58 · answer #4 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No don't be his friend at all cause if he really wanted tobe with you he would of never did what he did. He just wants to keep you close to him so he can make sure your not going out with anyone else. Just in case the one in Canada decides to leave him he still has you by the tail and try to talk you back into giving him another chance. He choose his path so he needs to go that way and not look back. You need your space from him to find yourself and get yourself back on track for the right guys that comes alongs wanting to get to know you for the great person that you are. Once you have completely cut him off and she turn her back on him as well once she gets to know the real him he will then ralize that he messed up and he will NEVER find another wife that will treat him and love him the way that you did. Let him go his way and you go yours all he is gonna do is make your life miserable and you don't need that.
2007-01-19 11:26:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to be 'friends' with you because he wants other people around him to 'believe' he's a nice guy. If you still 'like' him and speak to him... then he can prove to other people that he can't be all that bad, right? I know this is hard for you, but he's a lying, cheating, disrespectful man and you so deserve better! Show him out the door and double lock and bolt it closed forever. Then get your hair colored and buy a couple of new outfits and start your life over again.
2007-01-19 11:24:11 · answer #6 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
23 years is a long time, ofcourse you care about him. But now it's time to care more about yourself. If you want to be friends then be friends, but not if he's going to go around putting you down. Friends don't do that. He's the one who cheated, he's the one in the wrong, it's as simple as that. He could've told you his issues with you and tried to work them out, instead of stepping out on you. She's seems to be the type who is an insecure manipulator, so go ahead and let him go. Because he is running straight to something he thought he was running away from.
2007-01-19 11:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is NOT your friend....so don't even let him try to be. If he has chosen to believe her...over you...why are you even entertaining the thought of keeping him in your life?? Make a clean break from him, he'll do you NO GOOD ....because lets face it...he wasn't good to you while you were married. Let HIM deal with that nutcase....you don't have to...and remember that! It will backfire in his face bigtime...you just watch.. YOU now have the chance to have a different life...without those lies and betrayal.
2007-01-19 11:54:15 · answer #8 · answered by Miloree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were married to this man for 23 years,thats why you feel you love him..He has done you wrong and he is trying to make you think it is all your fault,its not your fault,men try to do this to ease their own guilt..Don,t fall for this,he is the one that lied,cheated,betrayed, and sneaked around behind your back and suddenly its all your fault? Hes trying to make you take the blame for his infidelity,don"t let him do this to you....Just let that man go and would not be his friend,he is not a friend...If you have children with him thaen you will have to be decent to him because of the kids ,but to be his friend? NO Way....let him have his crappy girlfriend ,give him his divorce and be happy you are rid of him...If anything you should be to where you can,t stand him for the way he has treated you...Please don,t be friends,he might try to slither back into your life and mess up the rest of it.....
2007-01-19 16:09:08 · answer #9 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont do it. They will try to be friends just to make you soft so they can get whatever they want from you. He will just use you. If you have kids, I really feel sorry for you because it makes it even harder. You have to limit your contact with him and cut him off. You are not a resource for him anymore. He has proven how faithful he is and it wont be any different as a friend.
2007-01-19 11:22:03 · answer #10 · answered by Tink 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋