Okay its kind of a long story but here we go...I have a friend who i thought was my best friend she was talking 2 some guy & they were just talking ya know nothin serious but she would tell me that she liked him then out of no where we find out that the guy thought that i was pretty and wanted 2 talk 2 me i didnt have a problem buti was kind of weirded out by the fact that he started talkin 2 me out of no where but the point is is that he got my number from a friend of mine and he started calling me i told its cool if we only be friends you know nothing else well my friend got pissed off and started saying that " i thought you were my friend and that i put a guy before her" which i don't think its true cuz i was only talking to him as a friend that was my only intention...well someone told her that i was planning on going out this guy i told her it wasn't true and she didn't believe and she stoped talking to me. its been 2 months and i feel like maybe she wasnt really my friend???
2007-01-19 11:10:13 · 5 answers · asked by La Chilindrina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
what?
2007-01-19 11:12:58 · answer #1 · answered by Quasi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, Well I can see why she could have gotten mad at you in the beginning. Even if you just wanted to be friends with him it was still kinda wrong because you knew how she felt about him and to take all the attention that he gave her away from her probably hurt, because he was focused on you. But she should have believed you. As for the part where she told you that she didn't believe you and said that you chose a guy of her, that was out of hand. If she was truly your best friend she would have picked you to believe over anyone. And going 2 months without talkin to you. Thats a lil extreme dont you think? I dont think that she ever was really your friend, if she was she's got a really weird way of showing it. :-)
2007-01-19 19:25:57 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you got caught between trying to be polite and not crush a guy, and inadvertantly ticking off your friend. Maybe she had a bigger crush on him then she let on, and/or her idea of a loyal friend is someone who doesn't touch what she wants. (What's that make the guy?)
You could apologize for hurting her-it's an awfully humble approach, especially when you feel abused yourself-but it will make you a better and bigger person for letting down your side of the wall. And you can better judge the situation by her reaction to your apology. Who knows, she may even accept the fact that you didn't mean anything serious or hurtful once she feels like you understand and care about her feelings. The key is to not justify yourself UNTIL you've apologized and listened to her. It won't be about your hurts, or her flaws.
In a Harvard publishing called "Getting to Yes" (a book about 'win-win' compromises) they make the key point that a person will barely EVER change for someone else unless they feel that that person has listened to and understands them. I'm not saying you haven't, but your friend may not see that, and only thinks you're selfish or something.
Your friendship can be saved if each of you want it and are willing to work together to make that happen.
(I know this from experience, I was also in a stony silence, pretend-they-aren't-there situation. The process started with a simple email, I was inspired to write after talking with a mutual friend. It was a statement of mistakes I'd made and a few of their own contributions to the problem as I saw it (not nearly all of them, and will all of my teeth of hurt retaliation pulled out), then I asked for the other person's opinion. (Email may not be the best for you, maybe she'd find that cheap, I don't know). The reply had things I did not want to hear.
I admitted to what I saw as accurate, pledged to try changing what would actually make me a better person, but then pointed out a few stronger arguments against them. We went back and forth that way until we were on conversational ground again. I got an apology from one of the most arrogent people I've ever met. Humility can work wonders!)
If it doesn't work in your case, I'm sorry, but this is the best I know.
2007-01-19 20:08:14 · answer #3 · answered by munch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No friends trust each other so maybe she was not your friend or it could be she feels embarrassed by it all and just don't know what to say to you.
2007-01-19 19:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by Spacious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't have talked to him. He wasn't your friend, he was her friend. why would you become friends with him unless it was to hang out with him and your girlfriend who liked him.
2007-01-19 19:14:38 · answer #5 · answered by coniferc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋