You and your friends have gone on a hike and gotten lost. Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more...?

Question

that includes these tv quotes?
1. Let's synchronize our watches. It's now... three-ish.
2. Would it be impolite at this point in the conversation to just run away from you?
3. You know, as drunken recaps go, that was pretty informative.
4. That's the dumbest thing you've said since the last dumb thing you said!
5. I've seen that look in every Hitchcock movie.
6. If I paid you to think, you could cash your check at the penny arcade.

This is not an assignment. Just a little Yahoo fun!

Answer 1

Everyone who knows me knows darn well that I am not an outdoorsy person! The most I'll do voluntarily is sit in the backyard in the hammock and read a good book. So no one was more surprised than me when Leslie, Jake, and Bobby somehow talked me into going on a hike in the woods. I remember the conversation, and still I can't figure it out. They walked up to me, all nonchalant, but I saw their hiking boots. "Would it be impolite at this point in the conversation to just run away from you?" I asked, standing to run. Leslie just smiled at me. "It'll be fun!" I disagreed with her sentiment and shook my head wildly. "Ohhh no. Don't you watch scary movies? That's just what they say!" The three grinned. I continued to shake my head. "No! I've seen that look in every Hitchcock movie! That's right before someone talks someone else into doing something that only ends in disaster! I don't want to!" I thought I had the upper hand in the conversation, but no. Somehow or another, an hour later I found myself out in the woods with a pack on my back and the beginnings of a blister on my heel. We each had packed some sort of food, though I had also managed to smuggle a box of trash bags - I'd heard recently that trash bags could save your life on a hike, and I wasn't going unprepared. Jake had the compass, Bobby had the map, Linda had the first aid kit, and I had the biggest migrane I'd ever gotten in my life. Sigh. I was trying to make the most of it, though, until I realized we'd passed that same oddly shaped rock three times in a row. "Guys," I asked. "Are you sure you know where we're going?" They were quick to reassure me... which, of course, did nothing to reassure me. I was fighting the urge to kick them all in the shins when we topped a hill, and suddenly the ground fell out from under us! What had appeared to be stable was just a really high pile of leaves. Unfortunately, we're talking about a rather big hill, here. The four of us tumbled head over heels down what I'd like to think of as a mountain and finally we skidded to a halt at the base of a rocky slope. "Owww," Leslie moaned. We were all pretty torn up. Everyone had bruises starting. Both my arms were bleeding, Jake's pants were ripped in many places, Leslie had a huge bump on her head, and it looked like Bobby had twisted his ankle. "Are you all okay?" Jake asked, stumbling to his feet. "Alive," Leslie mumbled, putting a hand to her head. Bobby winced. "Nothing broken." "A few cuts and scrapes," I told them. Jake looked up at the sky and whistled. "Guys, I don't like the look of that sky." We looked up and right away I agreed. A storm was brewing, and we were lost miles away from where we'd left our car. "What do we do?" I asked, slightly worried. "We could try to make it back to the car, but we'll have to help Bobby," Leslie suggested. As rain began to fall, coming much quicker than we had thought it would, we knew that was out of the question, especially with Bobby's twisted ankle. Then I remembered my trash bags. "Here," I said, pulling them out of my pack. "Use these as parkas, it'll keep us a bit dry until we can find some kind of shelter." "Garbage bags?" Leslie asked incredulously. I nodded. "I heard they could save your life because they are good insulators or something, so I brought them," I informed them as I passed the bags out. We managed to tear holes and put on our makeshift parkas. "You're right," Leslie admitted. "I'm warm. This seems like a good idea." "And look," Jake pointed. "Looks like a cave over there!" I ran over to investigate. Yes, it was a cave! Bobby could walk, though very slowly, and so the three of us helped him hurry, as the rain was starting to come down hard. We made it inside as the first flash of lightning illuminated the woods. It was warm and dry in the cave, and I found myself beginning to relax. That is, up until my stomach growled to remind me of how hungry I was. I took my pack and sifted through what was left of the food. The crackers were all ground into crumbs, but the jar of peanut butter was still intact, which was a miracle considering it had just smashed into my backbone a little while ago. Still, it wasn't much. "What do you guys have left?" My friends sifted through their packs as well. We didn't have much that hadn't been destroyed during our descent. The sandwiches Bobby had been carrying had fused into one lump, Leslie's pudding cups had all exploded, and as for Jake's food, there was nothing left. He did, however, have beer. He had been so careful in packing, his marshmallows had given their lives in protecting the alcohol. "Goody," Leslie laughed as she took a can. I smiled. "Now all we need is a fire." "Good idea," Jake agreed. "I don't know if we can find any dry wood, but we can always try. Let's go out and look." I agreed. Worth a try. Jake and I stood. Bobby couldn't come because of his ankle and Leslie would stay to keep him company. Jake and I stepped to the mouth of the cave. "Let's syncronize our watches. It's now..." Jake looked down at his watch and realized it was broken. Mine was too, when I thought to check. Jake stammered, "Uh, it's now... three-ish," he guessed. I shook my head and decided this was a good time to pick on him. "You know, Jake, if I paid you to think, you could cash your check at the penny arcade!" Jake grinned back at me. "That's the dumbest thing you've said since the last dumb thing you said!" I was about to reply again when Leslie yelled at us, "You two, stop playing around! Go look for firewood! Right now!" Thus Jake and I went out into the storm, which had died down somewhat. It was as we had thought, we didn't find much dry wood, but just as I was about to give up I found a hollow log, the inside of which was still fairly dry and had dry leaves in it. I carried that back, also taking with me a few handfuls of blackberries (I found a bramble patch not far from our cave), and Jake brought some timber, though it was pretty wet. We had only been gone for perhaps twenty minutes, but upon our return we found that Bobby had imbibed most of the beer. His excuse was that it dulled the pain from his twisted ankle. As a result, he was now drunk as a skunk. "You know," he hiccupped as Jake and I tried vainly to start a fire, "today's been a heck of a day. Watch broke, food broke, ankle broke, compass broke, heck I think my cell phone broke." I glanced at him. "Bobby? You know, as drunken recaps go, that was pretty informative. Cell phone?" He hiccupped again. "Back pocket. Probably broke. Everything else is." You wouldn't believe the speed at which I stood and snatched the cell phone from his pocket. The top had snapped in half, but when I called the ranger's number, it worked! As quickly as I could manage I told him of our predicament. I couldn't tell him our precise location - we ourselves were lost - but amazingly, when I told him we were in a cave facing west (I could see the sun setting) he knew which cave I meant. He said he'd be there as soon as he could, but the storm would make it be a little while. So, we got the fire started, and for the next hour and a half we calmed down and had a bit of a camp out. Blackberries and peanut butter go pretty well together, actually.
I did, however, make one decision on the ride home.
I'm never going out to those woods again.

Answer 2

I've actually been in that type of situation, and I'm a writer so, I'll do my best.

Jack glanced down at his watch the sun was rising and he still had no idea where he and his wife Michelle(my wife's name, no 24 puns please) were. He figured their sons, Jason and Chase would be waking up in that tent alone right about then. Jack yelled, "Michelle, can you see anything from up there?" A young brown headed woman climbed slowly from a rocky out crop and asked, "Jack, would it be impolite at this point in the conversation to just run away from you? All you do is seem to get us lost, I knew the second you suggested an after dinner walk we'd get caught in this kind of situation." Jack stumbled a bit and said shaking a small flask and finding it empty, "I did not get us lost, first we went down that red clay cliff then we went up that trail that led us to the river. See I know exactly where we are." She shook her head, "You know, as drunken recaps go, that was pretty informative. How full was that flask when we left camp, you don't seem too drunk." Jack answered, "Full enough, I lost my other one in the river."

Back at the tent the two blond headed children had woken up. Chase, 6, and Jason,8, called for their parents. Chase said wipping the sleep from his eyes, "Maybe they went to go pick up some pancake stuff." Jason answered in a matter of fact way, "That's the dumbest thing you've said since the last dumb thing you said!" Chase whimpered, "Is not, mommy said we could have pancakes." Jason answered, "When we get back home." Jason pulled his hiking boots over his blaze orange footie PJs and said to his brother, "Let's synchronize our watches. It's now ...three-ish." Chase nodded and said, "I'll stay here incase mommy and daddy come back." Jason answered, "You do that."

Back in the woods, Jack and Michelle were walking towards a small stream of smoke coming from a out of the way cabin. Jack said, "I don't like this, I've seen that look in every Hitchcock movie," as they approched an old man outside. The park ranger greeted them heartily and yelled at his assistant, "Get these people a phone!" The ranger answered, "I don't think the phone is working." The older man yelled, "If I paid you to think, you could cash your check at the penny arcade." The younger man did as he was told and brought them a land line phone. Chase was strapping on his own boots when the cell phone beside him rang. He yelled to his brother, who had barely cleared the camp site, and the family was soon reunited.

hope this helps
Jack Ballinger

Answer 3

'Let's synchronize our watches. It's now.......three-ish' I spoke to Charlie in case he had not changed to European Time. 'If we walk for an hour-and-a-half, then turn back, we should be back here at six in time for Momma's surprise dishes for tea'. I don't think that appealed to Charlie somehow, as he and Poppa Cassini had been well and truly on the homemade red wine last night. He was feeling delicate and merely murmoured back.

'Yeah, Pad....whatever'. 'Do you want to stay on the small road, or up over the hills' I asked. 'Would it be impolite at this point in the conversation to just run away from you Pad?', Charlie asked and to be honest, I think he was telling the truth.

'Come on Chas' I pleaded 'it will help you to get rid of the effects of all that wine'. 'Yeah.........whatever' Charlie moaned back at me again. We had come to North West Italy to my little section of Heaven, and were staying up the mountains overlooking the Mediterannean Sea, in a little place called Negi. It is close to a hillside village called Seborga and as I say, the only way I can describe it is Heaven.

'Can you see Monaco down the valley Chas' I asked. He did not even look in it's direction, he merely said 'From the top of the village, you can look down about fifteen miles and see Monte Carlo by the sea. On the other side, you can see the Italian Alps' Charlie was quoting me from a conversation back home in London. 'You know, Charlie, as drunken recaps go, that was pretty informative' I congratulated him.

We were now getting away down the small road which encircles the small mountain and is in fact the long way to Perinaldo, another hilltop village, only much more expensive than Seborga. All the rich people from the large Italian Cities in the North have all the property there. 'If we get there on time Chas' I thought my idea would spur him on 'we can have a cup of tea, or you can have a hair of the dog that bit you, eh'. As I looked at him, I felt sure that alcohol was the furthest thing from his mind.

'You know something Pad' Charlie was now a little more bright eyed and he had a smile on his face 'That's the dumbest thing you've said since the last dumb thing you said!'. He began to laugh so I knew he was quickly becoming his old true self. 'I'll tell you what we'll do Pad' he suggested 'lets take the short way, up over the mountain, I want to see that little church you spoke about'. 'San Barnardito' I told him 'I think he is the Saint with all the arrows sticking out of him. 'Yeah, that's the one' Charlie remembered 'you sicko, you. You said he was like the advertisement for Strongbow cider, where the arrows hit the bar'.

Charlie was definitely back on form and we began to climb up over the hill, more like a mountain. As we reached the top, we crossed the level patch and came to the little church. It was rock built but unfortunately closed. 'Which way to that place you said' Charlie asked 'there's more than one hilltop village'. He was right of course and to be honest, I did not know which was which.

'OK Chas' I called to him, as he seemed to have made his own choice and was already making his way down the other side of the mountain. 'That one, to your left' I guessed. As we moved further and further down the side, we appeared to be heading into a steep valley. Ten minutes later, we were in all sorts of trouble. The ground was almost a bog, there were small streams from all directions and the forest canopy made it hard to see any possible tracks. I am sure that the ones we chose were in fact wild boar runs as they stank like high heavens.

Half an hour later, we were in deep trouble, as what we had considered steep coming down, now faced us on the other side going up. 'What do you reckon Chas' I asked 'do you think we should turn back'. 'Cobblers' Charlie answered 'one side is as bad as the other, keep going you ****'. I knew Charlie and I knew only too well that he was beginning to lose it a bit.

Twenty minutes later, Charlie having slipped and rolled a good fifty yards back down the slope through mud, briars and other unmentionables, he had a look on his face that would scare old Nick himself. I've seen that look in every Hitchcock movie and more than once on Charlies face. Woe betide anyone who upsets him to this extent. I decided to give him a wide berth for the time being. At least we were now out of the worst part of the valley and were beginning to reach some olive terraces. We would not be too far away from civilization now.

Another three quarters of an hour and we reached a road where we could see the church not much higher. We climbed through the arched, rickety paths that wound themselves in, around and in fact through the small houses which were stacked upon each other like a deck of cards. At last we reached the plaza.

Charlie had said nothing other than obscenities for the past hour so I clapped him on the back. 'Well done Chas' I said to him 'Perinaldo. I think that you...........'. 'I think' he shouted 'if I paid you to think, you could cash your cheque at the penny arcade, you tosser'. He was angry. 'Fancy a glass of wine or a cup of tea' I suggested.'Stuff your wine and tea, just look at the state of me. Covered in bruises, gnat bites, pig crap, slimy mud, thorns and a hundred and one other things, and all you can do is suggest a cup of tea'. My God, it was a long time since I had seen him as fiery as this.

'I'll tell you what Charlie' I suggested 'it's nearly as bad as doing night duty at Islington nick back in the London Police' where we both worked. 'The result is exactly the same, pigs, crap, bruises, bites, little pricks, rolling around the ground, the lot'. Charlie walked over to me and instead of hitting me as I thought he might a minute or two earlier, he merely slapped me on the back and kissed me on my bald spot on the top of my head.

'And another thing Pad' he laughed 'this is not Perinaldo, it is some bloody place called Apricale - there is a sign over there'

'OK. Chas' I laughed back 'my treat, a mini-cab or taxi back to Momma's place. I'm paying..........................'