Should we Abolish Marriage Altogether?

Question

Lets play "devil's advocate" for a bit. What are the benefits of marriage anyway? Is there any value in marriage if it can be absolved as easily as if it were made of wet tissue? Why should we even pretend?

If love doesn't last forever, why should we have a commitment for a seemingly enduring loving relationship?

Answer 1

I don't think it's so much a matter of pretending, although that is something that does occur a lot. I think when someone feels the desire to spend the rest of their life with someone and they go through the whole engagement process, etc. that they genuinely want it. But in this day and age, it's more like expectations are made of wet tissue. Romance is more or less an illusion in a relationship, and I'm not saying that in a negative way. It's just overrated these days. I personally think that romance is more or less just being extra considerate of that person, in which case it will eventually fade out. When it does fade out, people mistake that for losing they love they have for that person, which isn't necessarily true. If people could be less expectant and just meet someone they can be best friends with as well as have a healthy relationship with, then the divorce rate would decrease dramatically. True love exists and there are successful marriages out there, they're just rare because all the bad things are highlighted and are the "norm" now. People almost put a time limit on when sh*t will hit the fan and a divorce will occur--when their expectations are at their highest and the lowest.

Your first love is different from any other and I also think that plays a part. When you fall for someone for the first time, nothing else in the world matters and your mind is convinced that nothing is going to take it away. When you love someone for the first time, you're naive and fascinated by what's going on inside of you because the whole thing is nothing but a learning experience, which is why people say it becomes "the only thing they know." What most people don't realize is that after that first time, your knowledge of pleasure and pain are both greatly increased and clash with one another. People expect to find something that is like the way it was the first time, every time. Hence what I pointed out before about expectations.

We live in a cruel world and if people could focus more on just persuing happiness instead of expectations, the divorce rate wouldn't be as high as it is.

Answer 2

How did you determine that love doesn't last forever? My parents loved each other for nearly 60 years. True, she may have stopped loving Dad after she died. My Grandparents also loved each other, but only for about 50 years. Grandfather died. I loved my first wife for 17 years. Sadly, she did quit loving me. I've remarried, and love my wife. We've only been married for 14+ years, so perhaps that's not long enough to know if it'll last. Just because our society excuses cheating and silly games, doesn't mean that the problem is love or marriage. Today, folks expect rewards without effort. A marriage require work and endurance. Too many end marriages as soon as things get a bit difficult. It's our throw away world.

Answer 3

The Problem Is That Too Many People Get Married For The Wrong Reasons. Mostly Sexuality Or Kids, When It Should Only Be For Love. True Love... NOT Falling In Love. It's A Sacred Institution!

Answer 4

....the term "devil's advocate" should be your clue here.... the devil would LOVE to see marriage end....
Marriage has been part of our civilization since the beginning of time. Marriage is based on the Jewdeo/Christian belief of one man-one woman, joined as one, by God, under God. To love and be faithful until death.
The value of marriage has not changed. What has changed is the patience, faith and fortitude of many people that have ended their marriages. (NOT saying that there aren't necessary cases, people....don't have a cow if you are a divorcee, please)
Marriage will never be abolished, nor should it, simply because some choose to stomp on its value.

Answer 5

*benefits of marriage: some people just happen to like that piece of paper.it makes them feel whole.
*vaule of marriage: to love each other through bad and good times.know when you have a good thing and never want to let it go. to have dreams together and working towards those ideas.
*absolved as wet tissue paper: getting a divorce when the good times get worse or infidelity comes into play.
*pretending: why get married in the first place if you know your heart isn't true.
i understand where you are trying to go, why get married when you can live together in the first place. but what if the commitment needs deeper meaning or more connection for both parties. what do they do?
*if love doesn't last forever.......?how can one know when love is going to die? some people know what they want out of life, love and marriage. sometimes things do make people jaded,( like infidelity) but there are ones who don't want to try to keep the magic alive. in some people who do get divorced there is still love in their hearts so it can last forever. when you dislike your ex so much that you want them to fall off the face of the planet. but sometimes your just sitting there and all of a sudden something familliar jars a memory, and you ask yourself "what happened? so in a funny kind of way the love is still there because for a brief moment you feel your heart flutter. we just don't want to admitt it. but being humans we move on. and we remember all the things that went wrong.but the thought came and you smlied.

Answer 6

good point. If the benefits granted to married couples were granted to co-habitating couples, I'm sure we'd see the number of marriages drop, along with the number of divorces.
Tho it seems "just a piece of paper," there are many benefits that go along with being legally wed. Legally, socially, ethically, religiously, etc....health insurance is a big one, as is life insurance.
Sure, the single folks' may still be able to get health insurance but dang--if Susie and John get married and she gets on his health insurance thru his company, she may cut her monthly payments by over half! that's not always the case, but it's a huge aspect to consider.
Then there's the life insurance. If there's a surviving SPOUSE--there's little question about who gets what's left behind. But if it's just a girlfriend (regardless of how many years), the next of kin steps up. And if there are biological children of the deceased spouse, miss said girlfriend may as well pack up and walk out.
Those are the two main areas I can think of, as far as legally. And they are certainly big in the concept of what our lives entail.
If those things could be had WITHOUT marriage, that would certainly make things different in the lives of couples.

Answer 7

I can guess maybe you are going through a tough time, maybe your wife just left you and if that is the case, i am really very sorry. I guess Marriage is just the next level to a relationship when people really love eachother, now don't get me wrong, my uncle just left my aunt a couple months back, and i saw how it affected her, she is a wreck and he is off with a woman half is age. I was very mad at him and een thought of trying to find him, but i did not. I saw what marriage did, it mad them so ahppy together, but i saw how marriage killed them, and now she is a wreck. I guess what i mean is just that marriage and love can be a great thing, but it can also be a horrible thing. I realize that i probabaly was no help. Good luck!

Answer 8

If you don't like marriage don't get married.

But there are couples who are married that it means something to. Just because some people enter into marriage too quickly or for the wrong reasons doesn't mean that it should be abolished.

There are those of us who are not pretending.

Answer 9

The only reason why most people get marry is because what is written in the bible. Most people get married for all the wrong reason: getting pregnant,having sex,don't want to shame myself and I think that all of those reasons or just bull sh*t. If one gets married for all the right reasons then,I am all for it. If one has second thoughts,then I don't think that they should get married. Should we do away with it? No,but we should put more thought into it.
I don't think marriage is for everybody,many or not marriage material. I don't feel that marriage has any value to it like it would have with our great grandparents.

Answer 10

Funny that I happened across this question today. I just finished reading a long research article about the futility and eventual extinction of marriage.

If you discuss it from a scientific or even a social point of view, then it would seem that marriage is an antiquated notion that has outlived its usefulness in society. Today, we no longer need two parents to raise children and many people do not believe that sex is only for procreation.

Divorces are rampant. People find it easier to ditch spouses and move onto a new lover. Marriage vows are as good as the paper they are written on: as you said, wet tissue.

However, when one believes that marriage is a spiritual institution decreed by God and that holy matrimony is a covenant and holy relationship between two people, then marriage becomes sacred. No one said it was an easy arrangement, but most things that result in spiritual growth rarely are easy.

Pretend? Nope. If you're faking your devotion, don't bother. But sometimes, our devotion to God requires us to work through our difficult times with other fellow human beings, including our spouses.

Benefits of marriage (when marriage is done right):
1. Unconditional love.
2. Reliable, trusted confidante/compadre in life.
3. Devoted partner in raising your children.
4. Tax benefits. ha.
5. Warm feet in bed.
6. Free psychologist/counselor.
7. Free financial advisor.
8. Free entertainment (if he/she is funny)
9. Free sex
10. Free taxi driver for kids or yourself when you have medical treatment
11. Free interior design or fashion advice (if he/she is good at it)
12. Best babysitter for kids
13. Protector and defender of you and your family (both spouses) NO ONE can bash on my husband or kids!!!
14. Free personal assistant
15. Free escort to business and social events
16. Free household labor (for repairs, etc.)
17. Someone to bring out the best or worst in you so you can see what you're made of
18. Someone to pass the baton to when you're exhausted, sick, fired from a job, etc.
19. Two paychecks
20. Someone to help you make the bed in the morning
21. Someone to share the buttered popcorn with at the movies
22. Someone to bring you back to reason when you're really irrationally mad at the traffic or the kids or the boss, etc.
23. Someone to scratch the itch on your back that you can't reach
24. Someone to bring you toilet paper when you're sitting on the toilet and no one replaced the roll
25. Someone to cover for you when you don't want to take a phone call
26. Someone to share your dreams with
27. Someone to spill your secrets to
28. Someone to experiment with sexually (who you know is safe and clean and NOT a blabber mouth about the exploit!)
29. Someone to make happy
30. Someone to grow old with

Is this enough? I could go on...Last but not least is that marriage is a commitment you should be able to count on.

Just don't write your vows on wet tissue paper. Write them on the eternal tablets of the Lord.