questioning if a coworker is gay, would like another perspective?

Question

I have already read about a few postings with my same situation so it feels refreshing that i am not the only one with this issue! :)
I work with this guy that i am attracted to. Im not sure if he's gay just because he seems pretty masculine and we've talked about girls before. We always say whatsup to eachother and i usually catch him looking at me. Other times i see him out of he corner of my eye looking at me, as if he wants me to acknowladge him. The way he looks at me i kindof like a stare so i was given the impression that he really must be into me.
A part of me worries, because i just dont want to make him feel uncomfortable, especially since we work together. We've talked on the phone a few time, just to say hi.
I guess what Im looking for is a second opinion.
He acts like he likes girls, and seems pretty masculine,
but on the other side, i feel that he stares at me too much to be straight.
Any ideas on how to apporach the situation?

Answer 1

Don't fish in the company pond!

Answer 2

While the drinks after work may work well, here's another possibility.

Porn. No, I'm not suggesting you invite him over to watch porn, although who knows, that might work too! LOL

If you want to be "under the radar" about your inquiry, talk about something that guys do or that guys like and work adult content into it. You don't need to tell him that you prefer to watch two blundes over to redheads as a conversation opener (but I'd laught like he11 if someone just walked up to me and said that!) but when you talk on the phone, you could be talking to him and say, "Oh hell, this guy across the way (if you live in an apartment for instnace) is watching porn and he didn't close his blinds/curtains/whatever. Judge his reaction and if you think he's laughing or his interested, go on.
"Yeah, it's a big muscle guy with dark hair and two chicks, one blonde and one redhead in an office." Make it sound good, then *discover* that the blonde isn't a chick at all, but another guy.
OR
Tell him it's a porn with two guys and a girl and get his reaction.

You can ask him if he's ever seen the movie Threesome with one of the Baldwin brothers. You can't remember which one. (It's Stephen Baldwin, but he doens't know you know.) Again, working it into the conversation somehow that a friend of yours from high school was an extra in that movie and he said they had a lot of fun. If your buddy has seen the movie, you've got a better chance that he is. If he knows it's Stephen Baldwin, even better yet. If you decide to rent the movie and he'd like to see it too, BINGO. :-)

Anyway, those are two really lame ideas, I know, but you get the picture. Find something not totally gay and see how it peeks his interest, then play on it.

Do you go to a gym? Does he? Mention you're thinking about it and are looking for a gym buddy (even straight guys understand that this means a partner to keep each other motivated). You don't need to ask him, but you might drop a hint that you'd do better with the encouragment. If you can get him to go with you for the initial trail offer most gyms have, for instance, you can check out the way he looks at the trainers and other gym rats you see. You'll know! :-) Afterward, you can both go to your place and celebrate the new friendship! ;-)

Answer 3

Maybe he's wondering the same thing about you!!

I would give it some time and let things happen on a natural course. You do not want to miss out on the chance but on the other hand you don't want to alienate him or have the situation turn into a sexual harrassment issue. Suggest you have lunch together (if possible) and just focus on getting to know him slowly. If there's an attraction it'll surface soon enough.

Answer 4

Turn about is fair play in a situation like that. Giving into a moment of stereotypical "flaming out" when he makes comments like that may go a long way towards getting him to rethink saying them. Lisp, let your wrist go limp and wave around dismissively "Oh, puhleathe! Thtop! I didn't hear YOU complaining latht night!" There is nothing for them to say at that point, they leave. Rapidly And you could always force him to show his support. My solution was finding a rainbow sticker that perfectly fitted the state emblem on a car's license plate. I've seen people drive around for weeks without noticing and having no clue as to why people were smiling and waving at them in traffic. I've had three reactions to that prank; One said he'd never do it again, one realized that he needed to change his views and the last was very intently trying to end my life when he found out about it, was pulled off before he could complete his chore and terminated for violence in the workplace. If they're dumb enough to make jokes like that, they might be dumb enough to sport a rainbow sticker on the car, the backpack, what have you to get upset enough to remove themselves from the situation. D

Answer 5

Since you are just friends, just use the time getting to know him better. You'll find out, in time. He doesn't have to be marriage material -- just a really nice person -- for a solid friendship.

Be aware that some people swing both ways because that's the way they are made.

Answer 6

I would always advize anyone to stay away from affairs at work.

Answer 7

Have him go out for a drink after work. Liquor unties tongues.

Answer 8

Simply tell him what your stance is and go from there.That doesn't mean you can't be friends.

Answer 9

maybe hes Bi ..does he know ur gay?? may be hes just wondering..