Hello, well heres the short story- Im 31 weeks pregnant, and my husband accepted a job with the State police last year. It is a 6 month training process he started in Oct. and ends in March, right when the baby is due (4 days difference)
He is gone all week even at night and now they arent letting them come home on the weekends....he tries to call as much as he can.....i know what hes doing is his life long dream and will be a good job when the training is done
BUt i cant help feeling abandoned during a time i need him most and i feel so alone. I have some days where i feel like im not even needed or important...are these just my hormones?
Am i wrong or selfish to feel that way??
2007-01-19 08:57:07 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
also to the girl with the rude comment.....My husband is also a Marine and did a tour in Iraq for 9 months so i know what it feels like not to get phone calls and worry whether hes alive or dead. I this isnt the first time i've been "alone" just this time im 2 states away from my family and his is horrible to me.
2007-01-19 09:24:23 · update #1
Your husband is not only taking this training because it is HIS lifelong dream. He's doing it for YOU and the baby. Look to your own family for support during these difficult times, I'm sure he feels as helpless about the situation as you do. Be strong and let him know that you are okay. He'll be able to focus if he knows you're doing fine. I'm sure if he gets in good with his superiors and gives them plenty of notice, he'll be allowed to carry a pager or cell phone closer to the due date and be able to be excused for a day if need be to be with you.
2007-01-19 09:04:59 · answer #1 · answered by Julian A 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not wrong for feeling this way and yes it is partially your hormones and partially because this is a very special time in you and your husbands life together and you do not want to do it alone or have him miss one moment. But if this is to better your families life then there is nothing you can do but share the experience over the phone with him and maybe share with your family and friends so you are not sooo lonely. It sounds like your husband is trying by calling alot and doing what he knows will better your life. Think of how your husband must feel worrying about you and the baby all the time and affraid you are feeling the way you do. Do not ever think you are not important, you are a wife and a mother to be---- you are the most important person in your husbands life and he is doing what is best for all of you.. Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy.
2007-01-19 09:20:19 · answer #2 · answered by Karlee bug 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're situation is complex, and there couldn't possibly be only one right answer. Yes, you probably are hormonal. Of course, and that's perfectly natural. You should be! Second, YES you need him right now, it isn't selfish to feel like that. BUT DO NOT FEEL ABANDONED. Feeling lonely, absolutely, missing the chances to talk to him and share this with him - again - 100% yes. You're in the final stretch of your pregnancy, and you need him to be accessible - he needs to be there to support you. He knows that.
Consider that your due date is highly unlikely to be the birthdate, so as much as you are drawn to that day on the calendar, also understand that it could be after that too.
It is probably a really good idea to have a friend, or your mom, or sister or brother or someone stay with you during the next little while if at all possible. If your husband is unable to due to his training (which I'm sure is VERY hard for him too!!!) then it is still a good idea to have someone around you to help you around the house, or get prepared, or just have around to support and hang out with. Pregnancy is an amazing adventrue, with funny little idiosyncrasies that we like to share with anyone and everyone who will listen. Your husband probably wants to hear it all, but even though he can't you probobly still need to share it.
2007-01-19 09:14:30 · answer #3 · answered by neikochan 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be upset too. But your hormones do come in to play here. Towards the ends of both my pregnancies I really became moody. I would be really happy and excited one minute and then crying the next. You are probably scared that he will be gone when you go into labor. Have you both discussed what will happen if you do go into labor early and he is not here? I would definately be talking about that. I would have him talk with his lieutenant and discuss coming home on weekends. I do not see how this would be a problem. It is his dream and your babies future. It also helps to talk with family and friends. But again, hormones are the reason. Even if he was at home you would feel unimportant and not needed. Hope it gets better. Also good luck with your new babies. They are beautiful gifts from god.
2007-01-19 09:04:43 · answer #4 · answered by jakenjennasmom 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you are feeling 'normally' for a pregnant woman. Do not despair. Take joy in his phone calls and look forward to when he will back with you full time.
He is probably feeling some guilt about this situation knowing he would prefer to be with you; however you both have no real control on the timing here so you have to 'live' with it.
In the meantime reach out to friends or a neighbor or if you have family in the area. Set up a plan for when you go into labor so that you can get to the hospital safely. Find a support group in your town and talk it out.
Take care and focus on this new addition to your family and try to stay positive as your attitude also has impact on your unborn child.
2007-01-19 09:03:16 · answer #5 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My fiancee has been in Iraq and has never even seen me pregnant. I found out about 3 weeks after he left for a 7 month deployment. I even thought of giving the baby up for adoption at first just because he wasnt going to be here for any of it. Then after a few months I realized I was being selfish and he was doing this for us, and so that when we had a family we would be financially stable and plus hes a hero to so many people. And at least he will be home for the babys delivery..Im not really sure any more when my fiancee will be home and im due May 1st. So consider yourself lucky that he even gets to call you. But..things will be fine when he gets home..your just not use to him being away. And honestly it gets easier the longer they are away. Good luck!!
2007-01-19 09:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
no u are not wrong to feel the way u are feeling even if u wernt preg. It is normal. U love him and miss him and u want him around. U feel like he is missing out on one of the most joyious moments in life.... pregnancy! watching ur belly grow, going to doc apointments with u, hearing the babys heart beat, seeing the baby, watching ur belly move. I understand!!!! On the other hand, u know what he is doing is for the welfare of ur future and u feel guilty feeling the way u do, i know. Just try to remember the reason he is doing this and it will all pay off in the end. Try to surround urself with loved ones, friends and family and hopefully that will help ease ur pain. But i know in times like this... all u want is ur husband! I feel ur pain. i am so sorry u have to experience this during such an emotional time. Just stay strong. maybe u can video urself so he can see ur belly move ect.... Im sure it is hard on him as well. the woman he loves is pregnant with his child and he cant experience none of it. I know its hard and looking at the good it will bring for the future is hard to do when in the moment times are so emotional. God Bless u dear
2007-01-19 09:18:46 · answer #7 · answered by goober 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel guilty for feeling like that. Pregnancy can be a scary time no matter how much it is wanted. Your hormones will be playing a part which is one of the reasons you need support.
I read some of the answers and ignore the ones saying you are being selfish, I am sure you are aware your husband is doing this for your future and that doesn't mean you dint have these feelings and you have every right to.
2007-01-19 09:12:28 · answer #8 · answered by tangerine 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh! That has to be really tough for you right now. I can empathize. I don't think you're being selfish. It is your instinct to look to your husband for support during this tough time, and yes, pregnancy is tough to go through.
I would think it is partly your hormones that are doing this to you. Are you parents, siblings or friends close by to help you just in case you do go into labor before he comes home? Are they there to help you right now for support?
Try to remember all this is temporary. The pregnancy, his job training. It will all soon be over. Hang in there. If he's away at state trooper boot camp, then I'm assuming he's doing this for the welfare of your future family. Just be glad he's sacrificing time now to be with you later and make a better life for you and the baby.
Good luck and hope this helps.
2007-01-19 09:09:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, the way YOU feel is never wrong because that IS how you feel. I am sure the hormones are kicking your feeling into overdrive. Your husband is probably trying to make the best life possible for you and the new baby. You need to rely on your support group (family, friends...) and talk about it. Don't hold your feelings inside!!!
It's sad that this opportunity has to come at this moment in your lives but look to the future!
2007-01-19 09:03:42 · answer #10 · answered by lezlealynn 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The way you feel is completely normal and could have something to do with your raging hormones but it could also be that you are a wife that misses her husband. I suggest letting your husband know how you feel the next time you talk to him. Tell him you want him to continue what he is doing because it is his life dream (and what a noble one that is) but this is the way you are feeling. Communication is very important in a relationship. Keep in mind that he may be feeling similar. He would probably rather be at home with his pregnant wife than at training camp. Take Care honey.
2007-01-19 09:03:02 · answer #11 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋