I HAVE BEEN WITH MY SPOUSE FOR 10 YRS-WE HAVE 2 KIDS. I AM FROM A F'D UP FAMILY AND REALLY NOT USED TO HAVING A REL'SP PRIOR TO SPOUSE-I LIKED THE SECURITY THAT MY HUSBAND PROVIDES BUT DO NOT HAVE AN IOTA OF ATTRACTION TO GIVE ME BUTTERFLIES(DO THEY REALLY EXSIST?) AND SEX HAS BEEN A DUTY FOR ME BUT PRIOR TO MY SPOUSE, I USED TO LOVE IT. I DON'T LOOK AT HIM SEXUALLY BUT HE IS A GREAT FRIEND, AND SECURE. I FEEL GUILTY THAT I MARRIED HIM- HE KNOWS MY FEELINGS AND WANTS ME ANYWAY-INCREDULOUS-I DON'T DESERVE HIM, SUCH A NICE GUY- WE HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS AND TIMES BUT NO ROMANCE AND I FEEL MISSING OUT-IS IT RIGHT?? I DON'T FEEL LIKE I AM PROVIDING ALL I CAN FOR HIM-HE'S NOT COMPLAINING BUT I DON'T THINK IM FAIR TO HIM-ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT PLEEAASSE
2007-01-19 07:22:44 · 6 answers · asked by angiegurl30 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
of course u can be, sometimes when the honeymoon stage ends, so do the butterflies. somewhere in your past, even as far back as childhood, something happened to change your mind about things. but just because u don't feel the lust u use to doesn't mean for a minute u don't love him. if he's not complaining, than u got a good relationship. that feeling u are describing is when we first meet somebody, and we are so into them, we can barely tell them from us, we have no ego boundary when we first meet them. but as the years pass it turns into a trust thing, where we feel safe, have mutual love and trust for that person, and it's normal not to feel the same physical feelings as u use to. passion i feel is so overrated and not at all that necessary to find happiness. love and lust are not the same thing.
2007-01-19 08:13:05 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been with him for ten years but you are not used to relationships? That sticks out to me.. I would say it because your f'ed up past is effecting you still.
Perahps you should seek some professional advice and see a therapist. Probably your best bet in fact.
Maybe you still love him, or maybe you are just clinging on to him out of habit and as a need for security because maybe you're codependant. You need to figure out some of your issues before you make a decision to end it or you may likely end up in a similar situation were you feel trapped by your own decisions.
2007-01-19 15:31:07 · answer #2 · answered by {:3) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From reading your letter, I truly am not so sure you do not already love this man. You write like you are not doing him justice, when it's you who is actually losing out on life. But like I said, you write like you are very fond of your husband, so maybe you need to search your heart a little, and re examine your feelings. Who knows, maybe you have grown to love this man!!
2007-01-19 15:32:13 · answer #3 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can if you choose to be.. Love is a choice and not just a feeling... You can learn to love and care for someone over time as well even though it is much more preferred to love them before you marry them.
2007-01-19 15:27:30 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about a boy toy on the side? Come see me! hehe
Ask him if he would think having consensual sex with others would be ok with him? Maybe u2 will rekindle that sex with each other if your sharing with others too? It happened to us and we are much better lovers to each other than ever before!
Contact me and I'll give you more information if you are curious?
2007-01-19 15:29:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your liveing in a friendship not a marriage.
2007-01-19 15:39:38 · answer #6 · answered by Thankyou4givengmeaheadache 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋