Is my husband controlling?

Question

Married 13 years, 2 kids. I always have to call when I leave anywhere and when I get there. He has to know where I'm going and what I'll be doing. I've only been out by myself 4 times (shopping x 3 and one night out with my girlfriend x 1). If I want to go somewhere, I have to take one of the kids. Wants to know who I am talking to on the phone. Doesn't like it when I talk to my male friend (known him since I was 19; I'm 38 now). Always, have to come home straight away. (He never does) He wants his mother to move in with us (she's 56 and can take care of herself). When I objected, he said "At least I can tell her what to do without an arugement" and "If you have a problem with her moving in then you have a problem with me".If he doesn't get his way, he yells or fumes quietly. And no, I have not had an affair. And, he has not hit me.

Answer 1

Wow, that's a tough scenario! It sounds like he's not only controlling but also very insecure with himself. Trying talking to him and letting him know how you feel. But, I feel unforunately for you this will be easier said than done, especially if he's been this way for 13 years!!! Try going out more by yourself that way it 'll get him more use to the idea of your independence. Start once a week for a while, then gradually more. If the problem persists, I would mention to him that he needs to trust you and that you don't appreciate his controlling behavior. As for his Mother moving in, if your against it, then I would stand my ground. You're his other half and he needs to respect your descion. And if he mentions that " you have a problem with me bit" say "NO, I have a problem with us!!!" Good Luck!!!!

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you have to put up with this. It sounds like he is a really jealous controlling man. That seems like it would be so hard and frustrating that you have to live with. Trust is a must in a relationship and it seems like he does not have that trust due to his insecurities. I would feel border line abused if I were in a relationship with that, and so to say, that he should not do that to you.
Have you only been out 4 times on your own since you have been married? If so, then there is a serious problem.
Not to scare you, but does he show any signs of being unfaithful to you? I am not saying that for sure that he isn't faithful, but sometimes when one worries too much, it is because they have ill intentions themselves and even though they are doing it themselves, they would not like it to be done to them.
I know that you posted online because you were seeking help online, but if your questions are not answered here and you still feel that it is a problem in your life you may want to seek help from a counselor for him. You should not have to go through life as you are. I think your stress load will be reduced considerably if you had a more laid back husband.
I was in a relationship that was borderline controlling and it did not make me feel very good because I wanted him to have the trust and mutual respect that if he requested something of me, I was not obligated, but if I wanted to, I would willingly do something for him.
Communication with your husband is key. I am sure you have tried and sometimes with this type of person, they are unwilling to listen, but he should listen because you are his wife and you have needs as well.
Thoughts and Prayers.

Answer 3

Yes, he is very controlling but you have tolerated and allowed it for 13 years. If it was a problem, you never should have had kids with him and stayed 13 years. I know it didn't just happen overnight poof he's controlling. You have really put yourself and your children in a real pickle. Once your mother in law moves in, and she will, you're truly doomed. Seek professional help. If that doesn't work, your only choice is divorce unless you want to live the rest of your life like this. Also, your children will most likely continue the controlling tradition if you don't do something quick!

Answer 4

I don't know why you are asking this, you KNOW he is a control freak. Why do you let him treat you this way? So what's going to happen if you leave and he doesn't know where you are? You get punished??? Well only YOU can change things. I'd just tell him, things are going to change and if you don't like it, then you have a problem with me! Your Mother is NOT moving in, she can care for herself. I will be going out every Tuesday night, ALONE. If you are nice about it I may tell where I was and what I was doing. You are not my FATHER and I will not be treated as your child. If you don't like my changes, then move in with your MOTHER and I'll have my attorney contact you. If he gets mad, let him, he'll just have to get glad again! What other option do you have? You stand for it, or you don't.

Answer 5

he is over-protective. leave him while you still can. the sooner the easier. don't let him boss you and treat you like a dog. even though i am 1/3 your age take my advice if you wan't the better for yourself. He does not trust you i don't know why but probably because he has an affair right now and thinks you're doing the same thing or probably it happened to one of his parents and he does not want the same thing to happen to him. I suggest you talk to doctor laura on 970 AM at 3-5pm on weekdays if you live in New York. stations may vary.

Answer 6

Does he treat the kids like that? If so he might just be overly concerned. But if you a confrontation wouldn't turn physical, approach him and explain to him that you are not a child and you marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Perhaps his father or mother was this way while he was growing up so he only does what he was exposed to, but regardless something needs to be said, and you might have to force change.

Answer 7

You both need help. He seems not to trust either you or himself. Mama moving in is certainly NOT a good answer. Both of you must want the marriage to work and totally trust one another. If not, it is a deal breaker. Dr Phil has written several wonderful books on relationships. You might read one, but I think the situation has deteriorated to such an extent it needs professional repair.

Answer 8

Hell yeah he's controlling. While most people probably expect to know approximately what their spouses are doing when they're out (I always tell my husband if I'm going to the store, or out with friends), there shouldn't be a problem going places separately, or running errands after work, or anything like that. Your husband is abusive.

Answer 9

Ok first of all, I went through that for 16 yrs. He feels bad about himself for some reason and the only way he feels better is when hes telling someone else what to do and they do it. If you keep this up you will lose yourself and eventually not know who you are. As far as his mom moving in, who would be able to deal with that?? Not me!!! So I say dont put up with any of it, its not worth it. Lifes too short to live by someones elses ways of thinking. Live your life how you want and think for yourself.

Answer 10

He is not only controlling, he is extremely insecure becuase....HE is the oine who is cheating and he is shifting it onto you. Her ios a very disturbed man, and you must sue for divorce on extreme mental cruelty, and bring your friends to trial to testifyu agaoinst him. He ios a real nit job, and will relent. Whyat took you so long. Get out of there now, to save your soul, and take the kids. If he threatens you, call the cops. He If he has already hiot you and you had to seek medical attnedtion,. get an inmmediate order of protection, get him out, change the locks, and divorce ADSAP. I' am NOIT kiddding.