Like I said I am married for 2 years now. I know that I am doing wrong but can't help it. the willing is stronger. I really have no sexual interaction with those prostitutes, but I search for them and I like the way you set up everything, When I say I like is just in that moment, because when it's time to do the act, I can't (which is good not to do it) but still, I am doing wrong. I love my wife and we have a good sexual life, but still I need to do that stupid thing. I can live it for a month but it comes back, and I can't control it. Am I the only one???? I need help because I don't want to make a bigger mistake, like I said I love my wife, but I can;t control it. It happens like 3 to 4 days a week. What can I do, I don't want my wife to find out, I just need to fix this right away before it goes to far. Thank you for your comments and understanding. Please don't judge me, because I know is the enemy whose doing all this mess.
2007-01-19 06:11:28 · 24 answers · asked by Sebastian L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sicko. Good luck explaining all this to your wife who you love so much after the police catch you and arrest you for solicitation.
2007-01-19 06:16:12 · answer #1 · answered by CctbOh 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, I'm not judging you and I respect your honesty and your awareness that what you are doing is wrong. I think you are basically acting on your natural instincts of a man's nature of reproducing in any way or manner possible.
You have a stronger thirst for acting out your sexual fantasies. I think it is good that you do not actually act out your fantasies. Based on your description, you sound as if you are more addicted to what you are doing than a bad husband so to speak. An addiction is usually the point when you are aware that you are compulsively acting on something that you know is wrong.
Because you have this addiction of seeing prostitutes, your condition is very cureable. I suggest that you seek psychiatric counseling. If this is too embarrassing, you can also substitute your addiction to sex with a group of user's addicted to something else such as drinking or drug usage. When you meet with these groups or a counselor, you describe you addiction to prostitutes as being a drug (not mentioning the prostitutes in order to protect your real sercrecy). Accept the advice and hopefully you will be on your way to recovery.
Start with a psychiatrist and go from there. You'll be ok and I think you sincerely realize that you have a slight illness which can easily be cured. What is happening is that you are acting on this as a way of comforting yourself from something that most likely bothers you in your subconscious. It's not your wife's fault for not knowing what it is because this is in your subconcious.
2007-01-19 06:36:14 · answer #2 · answered by Tones 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So you've never actually had sex with a prostitute, correct? Bro, something in your life / marriage is missing that makes you do this. Ask your wife if she'd be interested in role playing, such as costumes, wigs etc. Go to a nice hotel, where there are no kids and in a different environment. Sounds like you just like the excitement of seeing a different girl everytime the door opens.
2007-01-19 06:36:03 · answer #3 · answered by BroHam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you role play with your wife. Since it's the set up thing that you like. Why don't you start arranging dates with your wife instead of totally strangers. Because you are flirting with danger. I'm not judging but try the role playing that might be what's missing in your marriage. You need some visual things going on. Good luck. Remember to fight temptation
2007-01-19 06:17:18 · answer #4 · answered by kitcat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time you and your wife engaged in a bit of role-playing.
Tell her you've fantasized about picking her up as if she were a prostitute and then act it out with her. You can even have her dress up and step on the widewalk while you drive up and have her get in. You can set up the "deal" from there (pretending you don't know each other even though you do) and get your fun that way.
It's best to try and redirect your urges to your wife, and role-playing is often a great way to get out and live repressed fantasies and desires.
2007-01-19 06:17:41 · answer #5 · answered by Mike K 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you arrange to have your wife meet you at a sleazy bar that neither of you have been to. Encourage her to dress like she's looking for it, but don't let her tell you what she will be wearing .Pretend that you don't know each other. Proposition your stranger/wife and take her in the back alley.
When you are done, pay her and leave without her.
2007-01-19 08:05:04 · answer #6 · answered by limendoz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
> Like I said I am married for 2 years now. I know that I am doing
> wrong but can't help it.
If you know that it's wrong and you can't stop then you are addicted to the behavior. It may be the danger of getting caught that lures you in or it may be something else. But you're likely getting an adreneline rush. No matter how you slice it, you've become addicted. If you can kick this addiction, you'll likely take up another addiction in place of this one. Get to the root of the source of the addiction. Learn about addiction. Maybe go to AA and listen to those folks.
> I really have no sexual interaction with those prostitutes, but I search
> for them and I like the way you set up everything
Yes, you like the excitement of it all. You like the chase but not the kill.
> When I say I like is just in that moment, because when it's time to
> do the act, I can't (which is good not to do it)
So you don't follow through and "close the deal"? That part is good -- for now anyway. Soon, you will find it in you to close the deal and that won't be good. You need to address this but I think you already know that.
> but still, I am doing wrong.
I would agree with you. Nothing good can come of this. But again, I think you already know this.
> I love my wife and we have a good sexual life
That part is good. I'm not sure this is so much about sex as it is about addiction.
> but still I need to do that stupid thing. I can live it for a month but it
> comes back, and I can't control it.
That is the key. You can't control it. That's why I say it is an addiction. You need to learn about addiction.
> Am I the only one????
Probably not. But that doesn't matter. This isn't healthy.
> I need help because I don't want to make a bigger mistake
And you *will* make a bigger mistake if you allow this to continue. I would find a good counselor to talk to about this.
> like I said I love my wife, but I can;t control it.
Love means nothing in the face of addiction. The addiction will win out over love. Addiction trumps all, it takes over your life. You can't ignore this.
> It happens like 3 to 4 days a week. What can I do
Counseling. Find a good counselor. Just some guy with an MSW or a PhD will do. If you're religious, talk to a pastor, perhaps. But find somebody who is going to be realistic about all this. Talk about the addictive aspect of it.
> I don't want my wife to find out
And you don't need to tell her unless you get HIV or some disease. As long as there has been no sexual interaction with these prostitutes, I would not tell her.
> I just need to fix this right away before it goes to far.
You definitely have a problem you need to deal with but my sense is that you are going to do something about it. You can see that this is going to wreck your life and your marriage. Now it's just a matter of taking the steps that you need to take. You can do this. When you're done reading this, get out the phone book and make some calls. Find somebody you can feel comfortable with and talk to them. Find a friend who is understanding who you can call when you have these urges. You need somebody to talk you out of this until you're strong enough to stop it on your own.
> Thank you for your comments and understanding.
> Please don't judge me
We all have our demons buddy. It's just that some folks are less honest about them and some problems are bigger than others. You *can* fix this and I'm hearing that you want to. Put a plan into action today. You've got too much to lose.
Role playing with your wife isn't the answer by the way. That will just feed the addiction. I agree that it's a safer way to play it out but you need to get to the root cause of this problem. That and many wives wouldn't be very understanding of such a fantasy. I'm not sure how good of an idea that is.
I wish you the best. You know what to do -- will you do it?
2007-01-19 08:43:52 · answer #7 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can change it. If you really want to change, you have control of that. I know it's easier for me to type what I just typed than you doing it. It'll be hard I'm sure but you are the only one in control of your actions and unfortunately you will be the only one to pay consequences, so get your mind right and be stronger than that for yourself and the wife you say you love so much because this info will destroy her heart if she ever finds out. Much strength and luck to you and your family.
2007-01-19 06:21:45 · answer #8 · answered by Susan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your wife would be allfull hurt if she does find out or catch you with other women prostitutes or any other women yes you are wrong for doing that cheating on your wife how can you say you love your wife and screw other women you must not care too much or you wouldn't lust after those prostitutes if she finds out she may divorce your butt she'll find out when she does all hell will break lose you will lose your wife and it'll be your fault
2007-01-19 06:29:09 · answer #9 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have OCD. You better get treatment for that. Maybe you should take some prozac. You can get arrested for "just setting it up", and I don't think your wife will believe you that you don't sleep with the women. (And neither will the judge). So just go see a psychiatrist. They are good at pushing drugs that will make you feel lots better.
2007-01-19 07:56:49 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you do need help quick fast and in a hurry your a loaded pistol and you might go off any minute and you keep this up eventually you will do the do and probably contract some deadly disease and kill you and you're wife .
2007-01-19 06:28:18 · answer #11 · answered by mrsdg01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋