Is it true we gravitate to the same types of people time after time when looking for relationships? I thought I was very careful but it seems I married my ex. wife as time goes on with my second wife. At first they were completely different now after being together for awhile it seems I made the same mistake. How could that happen? I even had a mental list in my head what I didn’t want and it seems after awhile I picked the same exact person as my ex. wife for my second wife!!!! Funny thing is she thinks I'm just like her last fiancee.
2007-01-19 05:58:05 · 12 answers · asked by golf4everdude 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes i think it's true. Take away the outer shell and when you take a look inside than most likely everything is the same
2007-01-19 06:05:03 · answer #1 · answered by Shorty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a relationship is only as good as the two people in it. It is not a great idea to compare her to an ex, or for her to do the same. The best person that you can work on is you. Most likely you kept some bad habits from your first marriage and drug them into this one. So now that stinks. It would not be a bad idea for you both to go to counseling. It does not mean your nuts to have a therapist. It's a great idea to get one before you get that away. It also sounds like you two need some fun. Join a great church, get involved in some great community stuff. Broaden your horizons. At this point it don't matter if you married her clone. You are married so it's time to make the best of it. A person taught at our church one time. It was when I was single. He said make a list of what you want in a mate. So everybody did this. Then he said. Compare that list to yourself. It was New Years, so it was like WOW! How much we saw that was expected from the other person and how short we fell from our own list! Needless to say many had a new list of resolutions for the New Year.
2007-01-19 14:19:33 · answer #2 · answered by fullnessofjoy1959 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately dear, you are quite right. I have been married three times, and not knowing beforehand when these men were born, would you believe two our ofl three turned out to be Geminis? Now what are the chances of that ever happening to anyone else? Anyhow, Geminis have split personalities and these two men really fit that description. Both men loved to have sex, and not with just me. I could go on and on about their similarities, but that wouldn't help your problem. I have read many relationship books by accredited authors and they also say a person will tend to either pick a mate similar to one of their former spouses or one like their parents, be it mother or father. I found after my second divorce that my second husband was a lot like my dad, except my dad didn't turn into an alcoholic like this guy did! Good luck and keep looking. Have you tried meeting women in a different place, say church or some social club? I also believe there is someone out there for everyone!!!
2007-01-19 14:06:35 · answer #3 · answered by lora_smith2001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if any one person is the right type for another. Relationships are based on acceptence of the other. Some people are just made for each other. some couples are total opposites and others are 2 peas in a pod. If things don't work out with one relationship don't bar the next person from being a part of your lifejust because of a trait. You may discover that this person is the true love of your life.
2007-01-19 14:13:20 · answer #4 · answered by what can i do 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was just wondering if you were the same way with both your wife's. I mean if you did not change at all then what makes you think that your life would?
I am not trying to be mean. I do follow what you are saying but I was married once before and well I had to do allot of changing and I don't find any similarity's in the two men.
2007-01-19 14:14:45 · answer #5 · answered by mrs.mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the fact many people are looking for Mr or Mrs perfect. We will always find some qualities that mixed in with our ex's. The key is this you have to figure out what you can deal with and cannot. Many times we don't see alot of a persons true nature until you are actually living with them. So you have to figure out a way to communicate to each other the things you don't like and the same for her with you. It is not healthy to reflect on your past relationships with a new mate
2007-01-19 14:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by Reggie M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to disagree
O'm in my second marriage right now. I was very un happy in the first and he also was a cheater. I'm so much more happier now. My husband treats me with the upmost repect and I could not have asked for a better person to spend my life with.
I think that if you have problems with your wife you should be upfront and honest with her and sit and have a heart to heart. Don't hold anything back. Let her talk also if she thinks you are like her ex then let her tall you how she feels also.
2007-01-19 14:09:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess in a way we are attracted to a certain type but also keep in mind, we teach people how to treat us. So, you probably haven't changed much since your ex so therefore still interact the same with a loved one. Both women got the same readings from you eventually (one might of took longer than another) so ended up being, in your mind, similar.
2007-01-19 14:04:23 · answer #8 · answered by Susan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ACTUALLY, I think it's not so much the type of person we pick, but how we interact in relationships. It's how we deal with issues, arguing, etc....if you aren't approaching any of your issues any differently than you did in the past, then the same cycle will be set up. FOR example: She goes out with the girls, leaves you at home, you get angry, don't talk for two days. She doesn't tell you about having the in-laws over, you get angry, don't talk for two days. Nothing ever gets resolved....
2007-01-19 14:10:14 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is love. You can't help who you fall for. I managed to marry the exact opposite of my first spouse, and we still have issues to get through.
2007-01-19 14:03:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋