Why do people stare when I breastfeed my baby?

Question

She's 7 months old, and I'm constantly on the go. If I'm at a restaurant, I will frequently breastfeed her before the food shows up so she's a happy and content baby. People always stare, and the waitstaff frequently avoid our table.

At the airport, picking up my hubby, I had quite a long wait - and did not hesitate to breast feed. In addition to the staring, a teenage girl pointed and made a rude comment within hearing range.

I try to be discrete, but I honestly don't see what the big deal is. I'm in the midwestern US - is it that I'm in a conservative location? Or have others experienced this problem?

What should I do? I sometimes feel like confronting the starers/ commenters, but I never have.

Her daddy is Zulu, and he's always amused by Midwestern values. He just doesn't understand why it causese such a fuss.

For those of you who asked: I don't use a shawl or a blanket as a cover. My baby hated it when she was little - she needed to see my face when she ate. (And frankly, I needed to see her in order to get the latch right). Now, she thinks that a shawl or a blanket is a game of "peek-a-boo."

However, I do wear a nursing bra and go under the shirt - the nipple may be exposed for half a second, but that's about it. During that time, I try to turn so that I'm facing a wall.

(Breast feed in a BATHROOM??? Are you nuts? Would YOU like to have to sit in a toilet stall to eat YOUR meals?)

Spelling nazi:

Since you stated that you are offended by breastfeeding moms at a restaurant, and that you wouldn't mind eating in a bathroom stall if you were hungry enough ... I suggest that you order your meal served in the men's room the next time you encounter this situation. That way you won't have to stare.

Answer 1

Hmmmmmm nobody has ever stared, mind you I live in Canada and in a large city, both of which mean people tend to be more liberal.

A couple of times people have come over to chat only to realise that the baby isn't sleeping but is feeding. They usually say how nice it is to see a baby breastfeeding.

If waitstaff avoid your table I would first try to get their attention if you need something, maybe they think you prefer to be left alone. If they will not come even when you signal as soon as you do get one ask to speak to management or if you are eating with someone have them approach the staff and ask to speak to management.

Teenagers tend to be rude, can't help you there. Just make a nasty comment back. ;-) Or if you are really daring whip out your other boob and say "I can see you are jealous, want some milk?"

Take care!

Answer 2

You would get stares for a screaming baby, you would get stares for feeding you baby, some time's you just can't win. People with class should not send rude looks your way. I think that unless people have had a breastfeed child it's hard for them to understand.

I think your doing a great thing for your child and should forget what you may hear and see. It's their problem their being perverted and thinking of you breastfeeding as anything else than nurturing.

I would just be discreet when in a restaurant and just use a blanket for modesty. Good luck, I've been there!

Answer 3

people are ignorant. plain and simple. Don't let it deter you, seriously. Now, if you are just flopping the nips out for all the world to see I could understand why some would stare, lol, but I doubt you're doing that. When I nursed my babies I always had a nursing shaw with me that tied around my neck, this way I could still keep the modesty. Plus, they look like blankets so a lot of the time people didn't even realise I was nursing. And with the tie, the baby couldnt pull it off which so many are inclinded to do as they want to see whats going on! lol

Answer 4

First of all, I commend you for being conscientious and breastfeeding your baby. Not many women do that any more, and it's a rarity. I find it natural but still get amazed when I see it in public. Maybe it's the rarity or maybe I'm a voyeur - somewhere there is the truth.

What you don't say is HOW discreet you are ? If you are modest and cover as much as possible then it's eveyone else's problem. But still you should not confront anyone who looks or comments unless the comment is directed toward you. Show you are above their petty gossip stuff, which this surely is.

My guess is they are just surprised to see it.

Answer 5

People will do anything to make others uncomfortable....They just have no idea about these kind of things, or they just don't care! Check out the website I listed below...It has infinite advice and resources for you!!!

Congrats on being a great mom! Keep it up!!!


AND BY THE WAY, italianon...-YOU ARE A JERK. MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEARN YOUR OWN FEEDING SCHEDULE AND STAY HOME, OR KEEP YOURSELF AWAY FROM THINGS THAT OFFEND YOU, OR EAT IN THE BATHROOM. THERE ARE LAWS IN PLACE THAT PROTECT A MOTHER/BABY IN THIS SITUATION. A BABY HAS A RIGHT TO EAT ANY TIME, ANY PLACE!!! GROW UP AND DO SOME RESEARCH ON THE TOPIC BEFORE YOU CRITISIZE!!!

Answer 6

hi there look i had the same problem and my girls are well and truly up in years,it happens all over the world some people think ahh shes feeding her the way nature intended ,and as for the males well to them its there problem ,look youre doing a great job as a mum ,and youre giving youre son the best start in life so ignore these people how stare and continue ,the older retired generation where always my problem as when iwas feeding one of my daughters when out they told me to stop feeding and i couldnt help but say ,so you want me to feed her with a bottle ,ok i will express the milk into a bottle here will i ? the look on there face was well gob smacked and my friend with me was a bit to ,have a good day and take care xx

Answer 7

I would say something to them tell them what you didn't know these were actually for feeding a baby and not men's viewing pleasure Be bold i almost breast fed i stopped after 8 days but i would have definatly confronted people some how our society have been led to believe in the last hundred years that boobs are for looks not function

Answer 8

Just keep doing it how you do it. There is no reason for the stares. People are just stupid and dont understand it. They think its disgusting and get soooo offended by it. But Im sure its ok when they go home and look at dirty magazines or watch nasty movies....Its also ok for women to walk down the runway half naked with see through clothes on or down the street for that matter, but God forbid you try to feed your baby in public when she is hungry.

Answer 9

Are you covered when you breastfeed or do you leave your breasts exposed? If you expose yourself, consider putting a large baby blanket or nursing cover over yourself. It should help.
I agree, it's unfortunate that breasts have been sexualized to the point that breastfeeding (what they are intended for) is seen as unnatural). It's unlikely that you are being stared at by conservative, family oriented people. It is much more likely that you will get stares from childless, liberal elites... the type with no kid experience that think they know everything. Just ignore people who stare. You are doing what is best for your baby.

Answer 10

Good for you for keeping it up.
I would be saying something to some of them if the time and place were appropriate. Even if all you say is "I am sorry this seems to be making you uncomfortable" that way you are not being rude, but you are also calling attention to the fact that they are being rude by staring.

It happens everywhere, all over the US. I agree as a society we need to be more open to this idea of nursing in public. Keep it up and don't be afraid to let people know that they are being rude to you.