My husbands best friend said to me may be I should remind my husband that he is married...?

Question

My husbands best guy friend was over the other night & I was explaining that in order to keep our sons in the same school after we moved that we are using our old address & telling the school we are separated & receiving mail at our old address & new one. I made the comment that the school doesn't know that we are together. Then he said, "may be you should remind you husband of that." I said of what? That you should remind your husband that you are still together. When I asked him what he meant by saying that he said never mind. I can't get him to explain. His friend knows us very well & is aware of our difficult marriage, while cheating has never been an issue in our marriage, it made me wonder if he was implying that my husband may be cheating on me. I asked my husband why he would say that to me & his response was "may be he meant, you should be nicer & give me more sex." His friend is married also & sometimes flirts with me a bit, just nothing sexual. How do you think he meant it?

Answer 1

The friend just told you that your husband is not acting like a married man , In man speak that means that your husband is either out right cheating or behaving in public in such a manner that cheating will inevitably occur.
You need to learn man-speak. As a rule men are not wordy and often women often confuse that with absence of communication- not true
Men simply strip off what they consider to be extraneous nonsense and communicate a lot of important information using very few actual words.

Answer 2

Wow, your husband's best friend just slapped you and said "wake up and smell the coffee girl!" And he may be a little flirty with you because your husband does this with other women too. Maybe they are two peas in a pod! Does his wife know he's that way with you?
I would take his words for exactly what they were meant to emply!
Since your husband gave you "that kind of answer" I would say he and his best friend have had several conversations about your marriage.
I guess now, the ball has been bounced to your side of the court.
Mr. Best Friend needs to step aside and let you and your husband work this out alone.

Answer 3

I think he knows that maybe your husband's doing something innapropriate but doesn't feel like it's his place to tell you that, and maybe just decided to give you a warning. I don't think it means that he is flirting with you, or is in love with you, but obviously he cares enough to tell you. I think you do need to talk to your husband, and not necessarily tell him the comment his friend made, considering it seems like you have an ally and wouldn't want to lose him, in case something like this ever does come up again. At least address the situation with him, just to make sure he's not cheating. And of course, having more sex with him isn't going to hurt. For many men, it's the way you should affection, and not having to wait for him to make the first move all the time.

Answer 4

Wow.

You have the rare opportunity to have someone through you a 'lifesaver' (for your marriage) and although your question here shows you are reaching for it, it also indicates you haven't gotten 'it'.

PLEASE read this response and take it to heart, as from what you have said, I am 99% confident that my response, and your ability to hear, understand, and act on it will save your marriage.

We men are simple. Even the smart successful ones. The only ones who do not directly say truthful things are known as Players, and if you are married to one and do not already know it, then you probably never will. Therefore, follow this closely.

Take what your husband's friend said as a hint, and only a hint. Nothing more. If anything more was intended, it is too late, and there is nothing that will change or improve by digging it up like dog doo doo in the flower garden... let it lie. What is more important, valid, and needs to be paid attention to is what your husband said about it.

What your husband said needs to be burned into your heart like initials on a fence. Your husband clearly stated EXACTLY what he NEEDS from YOU. He needs your kindness and more sex than he can handle.

If this message is not clear enough, then I truly do not know what to say.

Personnally, although I try not to regret anything, it is hard for me not to feel I sacrificed far to much by staying with a wife who was not kind, sexual, or even respectful for many years. I was loyal and she did not earn it, and I only remained so out of respect for myself. Many men will do the same, but most will probably either cheat or divorce sooner, especially because their wife never wakes up and 'gets the message' even when it is said in plain English, even typed and spellchecked.

The Care and Feeding of Husbands is a book that my be applicable, but it shouldn't be if you just take action on what I have spent such effort to help clarify above... just listen to what he says he needs and give it to him. Be so nice it hurts, and don't let him leave the bedroom until he walks funny. Give him what he needs, what he says he needs, not what you think he said or think he needs, and he will be your man for life.

Answer 5

You SHOULD be allowed to question your husband. It's your marriage and it's also a job. You have every right to know, especially after a comment like that.

When your husband responded with that comment, a red flag should go up. Have a talk with him, and if he refuses to talk, what does he have to hide? Besides, it's not worth him cheating and passing on an STD to you.

The friend also could be trying to inflict conflict on your marriage, which is wrong- but your husband's answer was cocky and uncalled for, like he's trying to send a message as well.

Answer 6

Well - you can't read the best friends mind nor will you be able to know what he was implying if he doesn't tell you himself. If I were you I would try talking to the best friend, explain to him how his comments have troubled you and ask him to please offer explaination, in front of your husband. Since you mentioned he's sometimes flirts with you - you can never really be sure what his intentions are. Even though it has not been sexual to this point - maybe he wants it to go there. You never know.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

I would stick by your husband word. You shouldn't be so quick to question your husband based on what some one said. If you have no other reason to doubt your husband (with regards to cheating) then why start now..

Answer 8

Whenever you get someone else to interfere in your personal affairs, especially where marriage is concerned, Unless it's a paid professional (counsellor, therapist, physiologist), you are going down the wrong path, it's like too many cooks in the kitchen and you do not know this guy agenda, as in, he may want to take advantage of you in your time of trouble and get in your pants.
If you have issues with your husband, I strongly suggest you sort it out with him, and keep your private life, well, private.

Answer 9

i might tell him that your upset and that this is bothering you. As why could he have %. of her young little ones while he dated her in his previous what do having there %. do with him looking back on his existence while he could be looking back on your existence mutually and so thinking of you and his little ones. might he like it in case you have been nevertheless close acquaintances with an ex and do all the failings he does now,i do no longer think of so. take a seat and refer to him and get this resolved or it relatively is going to turn bitter and end a satisfied marriage for no reason different then you definately ought to no longer get this taken care of. plus along with her being a woman chum you sense much greater uncomfortable yet to be an ex is worse and he has to understand this and understand the way you sense as i wager her husband isn't a one hundred% mushy with it the two. And understand he's a married guy with a spouse who desires to sense shield in there marriage and not undermined with an ex on the scene who he's conserving in standard touch with and without you. As i can tell for a certainty he does no longer like it in case you probably did this with an ex.

Answer 10

Maybe he's trying to tell you something. I've had the same type thing happen to me though,but it turns out the other guy just wanted control over me just to boost his own ego and feel like he was taking someone elses girl. I thought the guy was my friend and I thought of him as emotional support and blah blah blah. Turns out that he was just doing it for control purposes and bragging rights and ego boost.I atually was blind to it and fell for his crap, but then some friends told me and I started really paying attention and investigating and luckily I believed them. He must've had low self esteem to do such a thing.I won't get into all the scandelous details.I'm sure you're smart and can figure it out.
Maybe the guy really does care and considers you a friend though and is trying to tell you something. Just be careful. Try investigating his claims for yourself without your husband knowing. The thing they say about catching a cheater is to never ask the person because it will allow them to better cover their tracks if they know you're on to them. Google how to catch a cheater and read some of the tips. Good luck!