He had cheated before we were married and then again just recently after 12 yrs he cheats again, says that it was a phone affair "does it matter"? It's been 10 mnths. we did the counceling, things looked good - but there is this knawing feeling that I have - maybe I'm just tired and the thought of doing this again, I just don't want to. I know I love him, but something has changed. It's as if he has flicked a switch this time and I can't turn it off - please help any advice.
2007-01-19 05:02:39 · 12 answers · asked by exhale2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
History has repeated itself, and you aren't healing this time. You need to step back--I am not saying to chuck the relationship--however--once a cheater always cheater seems to be holding true to this. Unfortunately because that "switch" has been flicked--the chances of salvaging this relationship to more than just friends is highly unlikely. You need to take more value in yourself, stand up and get on with it! You don't deserve to be cheated on, you don't deserve to be disrespected this way--You need to place more value on you as a person than to deal with someone who is a cheater!! There are no excuses--You are better than to be second best!!! Get counseling for YOU--find out why you will put up with that, and how you get strong enough to not put up with it anymore!!! Good Luck!!!
2007-01-19 05:10:40 · answer #1 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I too lived through infidelity after 16 years of marriage. You need to get into counseling ASAP. Even if your marriage is not going to make it, you still need counseling. There's something about being cheated on that destroys our self esteem, our confidence and our peace of mind. I would go for individual counseling as well as couples counseling. He needs to understand that he can't just erase what he did and expect you to never think about it again.
I don't think you can stop loving someone that you've loved for 17 years so quickly. But I do know that once the trust is gone, it's hard to feel comfortable and vulnerable around that person again. If he's willing to go to counseling (even if he has to go a million times), then I would say do what you gotta do to save your marriage. You can learn to forgive and with time, you'll even learn to trust again (though never blindly again).
First step is getting into counseling ASAP. Don't delay. Hang in there! Hope this helps!
2007-01-19 05:11:26 · answer #2 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be helpful to see an therapist on your own so you can maybe gain some perspective on your emotions. If you think you want to try to make it work with your husband then send him to couples therapy as well as individual therapy to see what is causing him to cheat.
I think people mainly cheat because they feel they are not getting something they want at home. However, I'm not saying that you are doing anything wrong at all. Sometimes it's something they are simply imagining or maybe there is an underlying issue in your relationship.
If however, you don't want to work it out with him then let him know that he's got to go and that you won't tolerate the behavior anymore. It's not going to be easy but you just need to make the best choice for you.
Good luck!
2007-01-19 05:10:21 · answer #3 · answered by L J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when someone cheats on you, you can never fully forgive or trust them ever again.i'm going through that with my husband, all though he didn't cheat well we were married, he did cheat befor we were married. we've only been together for 6 yrs and married for 1 yr. it's like you always have that feeling of distrust inside you no matter how good your life is at the time. well the only thing i can tell you is are you able to forgive him again??? and live with that non-trust, if so then stay if not leave and see how you feel about your self worthyness. maybe you should leave and have him beg you back.good luck....
2007-01-19 05:13:20 · answer #4 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick his butt to the curb . You stayed with him after the first time that was your mistake . He knew then he would be forgiven no matter how many times he cheated . You cannot love someone like this and you could never trust them again . Once trust is gone there is nothing left . When you do get a divorce ,take him to the cleaners get everything . I feel for you honey and good luck to you .
2007-01-19 06:28:46 · answer #5 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a cheater continuously a cheater is about ninety% perfect. all and diverse might want to wish to play the percentages and desire they are interior the ten%, yet they could't all be, can they. you've toddlers, which bind you jointly for existence, yet no longer inevitably in marriage. bypass to make certain a counselor, if he can open up be honest and choose why he cheated, perchance you may come to a decision it. If he's unwilling to modify the area and also you may't locate it in your self to believe him back, then you definately must believe your emotions and cut loose. I went by ability of this a lengthy time period lower back, spouse cheated, counseling, worked by ability of it, had childrens, spouse cheated back. till you may make certain why the dishonest occured and are available to a decision that concern, that is truly in all probability to take position back.
2016-10-15 11:06:02 · answer #6 · answered by jackson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off: LOVE is a two way street. There is no sense being in love with someone if that someone clearly can respect that love and return the favor.
Seondly, you've lost trust, you are tired and it all sucks. You have to struggle with this thought and where he is and what is he doing every single waking and sleeping moment of your day
It's up to you whether you wish to live like this or not. If his love (though I don't see any) is worth it than find things TO MAKE YOUR LIIFE BETTER while you are loving him.
Other than that, believe me ladies; there are plenty of us out there that are looking for wonderful women to snuggle up to, and ones that we know can be trusted and do share that devoted love.
2007-01-19 05:08:42 · answer #7 · answered by NoAnswers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Exhale 2007,
I have been in your position. I know the gnawing feeling well. Mine could not be faithful for any period at all. Took me 26 years of marriage to catch on to the fact that I needed to get out of that horrible situation.
You are 9 years ahead of what I did. Your subconscious is telling you to save yourself and leave. Do it. Be smart and get yourself out of the situation. Move carefully and have your plans in place before you walk. Find an excellent attorney, you won't be sorry - especially if there are children involved.
Good luck, hon!!
2007-01-19 05:12:10 · answer #8 · answered by Peanut 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are tired of your husband's cheating, you need to file for divorce. If, on the other hand, you still love him; forgive the man and move on. Sitting around and pouting accomplishes nothing. Either you're going to divorce him, or you're going to stay in the marriage. Make up your mind.
2007-01-19 05:14:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you should not trust him. You should not have trusted him when he cheated before. Everything has changed. You need to get out of this.
2007-01-19 05:07:22 · answer #10 · answered by queenie 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋