Like to hear from both sides, the hurt spouse and the cheater. Were you able to find happiness, fullfilment and genuine love for your spouse again and actually feel the love in return as being real? How long did it take to feel whole again within yourself?
2007-01-19 04:47:45 · 7 answers · asked by carenffb 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont know if i will ever recover from the hurt.
But i am still here after10yrs
It doesnt go away, it just stops popping up all the time.
Yes I am now damaged, but i have survived it
2007-01-23 02:54:13 · answer #1 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its obvious that there is some type of chemistry between a mistress and a cheater. The cheater is looking for something that his/her spouse is not giving them. I dont think anyone can move on fully from having a cheating spouse. Something is always going to be in the back of both of their minds saying 'is he/she thinking im cheating again' or 'is he/she' cheating again. Trust is a huge part in any relationship, especially a marriage. and once its broken its hard to get it back if you can at all. The spouse thats been hurt will always hold a grudge no matter what they say. As for love... your never going to feel the same. the cheater is always going to remember the time he/she had with the affair and the spouse will always remember how bad they were hurt.
2007-01-19 05:11:00 · answer #2 · answered by invictusaflak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people make mistakes. Fixing your marriage really depends on both of you. If both is willing to try, then it is worth fixing. If you get thru it, then this will make your marriage stronger. It will be hard on both side. The hurt spouse will not trust the cheater and will go on being hurt and angry for a long time and if the cheater is patient and work on getting the trust back, then it could work out. When I say mistake, I mean 1 time mistake. If it happens again then it's a habit so don't invest anymore time with this person.
2007-01-27 04:48:01 · answer #3 · answered by Eli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was cheated on by my now ex husband. At the time when I first found out that he was having an affair, I chose to forgive him. We had 2 kids together and had been married for almost 16 years. Although I was hurt, I was willing to put all the hurt aside and try to mend our marriage. We went to a marriage counselor and things seems ok for a while; or so I thought. He had never actually broken off the relationship with the other woman and I found out months later. After forgiving time and time again, I decided to cut the cord and walk away. I have very left self esteem left and I wanted to save the little bit I still had. I took my boys and moved to another state (with his consent of coarse). I need to have a fresh start in a place where no one knew me. Even after moving, my ex kept calling and begging me to take him back. An idiot that I was, I gave him yet another chance and somehow he managed to screw that chance up too. Finally, I got tired of being played with and I filed for divorce. It was the best thing I ever did. I felt such empowerment and such courage to live a life free of pain and suffering. I focused on me and the boys. I went to a counselor and also surrounded myself with positive friends and family who gave me lots of support. Three years after my divorce, I met this wonderful man who loves me to no ends and loves my boys as if they were his. We'll be celebrating our 1st year wedding anniversary in March.
All that to say that if there is infidelity in a marriage and both parties want to make it work, it can happen. It will be a long and difficult road but it's not impossible. The problem lies when only one party wants to make it work and the other just wants to "stay together" for all other reasons other than truly loving their spouse.
It takes two committed people to make a marriage work and a decision never to give up. But not all cases end with the "happily ever after" ending. That's why I walked away knowing that I deserved better and so did my children.
2007-01-19 05:02:30 · answer #4 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My wife had an affair the first year of our marriage and it was tough. It felt like the whole world fell on top of me. At first I was so angry and just felt like leaving her but I just couldn't. I loved her so much. I knew what she had done was wrong but I knew why she did it. She was in a vulnerable state and I put her there. Whole nother story. We worked it out without professional help. It took years to get over it. I would tell her that I forgave her but I would throw it in her face everytime we would argue. You have to tell yourself, If you really forgive then you have to forget. If you keep bringing it up, then it's not doing anybody any good. So you just have to learn to live with it if you truly love the other person. We have been married for 13 years now and have two wonderful kids. I truly love her and I do feel the same from her. Just a mistake on her part. It just seems to be the "norm" in our society now and days. It's just kind of sad.
2007-01-19 05:25:46 · answer #5 · answered by david c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did not fix my broken marriage brought on by many affairs. My ex said it was broken before the affairs. He left for greener grass on the other side. I tried to get him to go to see a professional to talk about it. He just wanted his freedom. That is what happens when you marry out ou yuor season. UNEVENLY YOKED
2007-01-27 04:39:33 · answer #6 · answered by Baby Doll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have seen and been through both sides of this... You choose to make or forgive your spouse or not and if you want your marriage then you work hard to try to rebuild it after this happens. Love and forgiveness is a choice and not always an easy one. You can restore the love happiness and fullfillment if you choose to. We choose what and how we want to be in our marriages relationships and lives.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
2007-01-19 05:14:21 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mine can't be fixed he hurt me too much cheating i can forgive him for abusing me but not for going to bed with some whore he can kiss my *** and we're not together so my cheater can not speak for hisself unless he goes to a library and get on here
2007-01-27 02:35:40 · answer #8 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have stopped trusting my husband.as for love,i do not think it can go back to same level;though i am trying.
2007-01-19 04:55:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋